


International Love

by GranolaPerks



Series: Rockstar Dean Winchester [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Rockstar, Anxiety, Brief Mention of Suicide, College, Depression, Destiel - Freeform, Gen, M/M, OCs - Freeform, Sequel, Smut, Student!Castiel, University, WARNINGS:, but not in excess, cause i suck at it, crazy fangirls, destiel au, i warn you in advance, idk - Freeform, not really - Freeform, probably some violence, rockstar - Freeform, rockstar!dean, some OCs, student, talks of:, they don't have big parts, will get sexual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-10
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 13:01:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 51,099
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/837170
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GranolaPerks/pseuds/GranolaPerks
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Castiel are reunited. How well will Castiel merge into Dean's lifestyle? Can their relationship handle the strain? Especially with all of those fans... Sequel to Thank God For Sharpies.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reunited

**Author's Note:**

> Woo! Sequel thingy! I'll talk more about it at the end, and what I plan to do with it. Enjoy!

  

"So, have you learned anything, Cas?"

Castiel stared at Dean. "No. I haven't touched the damn thing."

"You were playing on it last night."

"And how would you know that?"

"I saw it on your bed."

"Maybe I was cuddling it."

"You cuddle guitars?" Dean questioned.

"I cuddle your jacket."

"A jacket is soft and squishy. A guitar isn't."

"Well, then I cuddle you."

"How am I like a wooden guitar?"

"You both make pretty sounds from a hole in your face, and you both look good in purple, and you both have curves."

Dean leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms. "I have curves?"

Castiel nodded. "Subtle but sexy."

"I'm glad you find me sexy. By the way, you know how I know you play the guitar?"

"How?"

"It's on your bed right now."

Castiel whipped his head around, looking behind himself at his bed which was completely empty. He turned back around and glared at Dean. "You ass."

"Proved you play it."

Castiel rolled his eyes, but his expression softened shortly after. "I miss you so much, Dean."

Dean bit his lip. "I know what that means when you say that."

"I'm sorry," he responded apologetically. "But I need to study. Finals start tomorrow, and you are such a distraction."

"Don't go," he pleaded. "I promise I won't bother you."

"That's what you said last time... 45 minutes ago."

"I wasn't that annoying," Dean defended, crossing his arms.

"You continually informed me of how much I looked like an angel with the computer's glow on me."

"Well you did!" Castiel blanked at him, and Dean rolled his eyes. "Whatever. You go study, babe. I know you'll do great on your finals."

Castiel smiled at him. "Thank you, Dean. I may not be on for the next few days with studying and all, but text me if you need me. I showed you how to do that, right?"

Dean nodded. "Yeah, babe. I miss you."

"I miss you too, Dean. I'll see you soon, okay? Sooner than you can imagine."

Dean squinted his eyes at Castiel, but brushed it off. He probably meant he'd just call him again in a few hours, stressing to him about how bad he was going to fail. He smiled gently. "Okay. See ya, Cas."

"See you, Dean."

Dean's face popped away, and Castiel stared at the now-dark square on his screen. It had been nearly two months since Dean had left. It was easier when he was still in America, constant texting keeping the two of them at bay. But that had only lasted for a little over a week, then Dean was off to Europe, and keeping in contact grew more difficult. The time zones were completely off now, and the wound up talking at inconvenient times for both of them, like right before a show for Dean, and at 3 in the morning for Castiel. Or 5am for Dean, and right after dinner time for Castiel.

But they were grateful for whatever time they had together, and how much it seemed to be affecting their relationship for the better. Without the constant distraction of each other's bodies within arms reach, they were able to actually talk and learn more about each other. Castiel learned Dean had a really corny sense of humor, and Dean learned Castiel could speak latin. Short stories of their childhood were told in late-night, sleep-deprived states, making the both of them laugh and think the other wouldn't truly remember what was said, but the memories were locked away for another time, neither wanting to forget the glimpse into the past.

It made the yearning for touch worse. So much so, that Dean threatened to buy a plane ticket back home and be there within the day when Castiel had nearly shed a tear when talking about his kitty running away when he was six, and how he had raised the tabby all by himself, and how he couldn't understand why it had ran. He threatened even more so when he began crying when he spoke about how his mother had killed his dog when he had stolen his fathers nude magazines. And his goldfish. And grounded him for the summer, keeping him locked inside for all but one hour a day.

Dean had offered to punch her in the face.

Castiel wasn't too keen on that.

It was quiet in Castiel's room aside from the quiet stream of piano coming from his phone. He was hunched over one of his books, reading and scribbling down notes to help him remember. It was pretty useless. He hated history. Actually, he loved history. Just not this kind. His computer screen remained bright as his lamp had died a few hours before, and he hand no intention of going out to find another bulb for it. It was rough on his eyes, however, and he was growing more irritable the longer he studied, so when his music was cut off by the buzz of his phone, he nearly threw the thing across the room, but not before taking note of the sender.

**D's M:**

It's all set up.  _2:24a.m._

Are you sure you want to do this?  _2:24a.m._

 _That's important._ Castiel straightened himself up, setting down his pencil and stretching before responding.

**D's pb C:**

Yes, I'm sure.  _11:26a.m._

**D's M:**

He misses you a hell of a lot. Never shuts up about you.  _2:27a.m._

**D's pb C:**

That's why I need to do this. Why this needs to happen  _11:28a.m._

**D's M:**

If you're sure…  _2:28a.m._

I'll send it all to your email.  _2:29a.m._

**D's pb C:**

I'm positive.  _11:30a.m._

Thank you.  _11:30a.m._

Castiel looked at his phone for another moment, then figured it was all done, and returned to studying. He had a long night ahead of him, followed by an even longer day.

 

* * *

 

Dean had been calling Castiel near constantly on Skype, but despite his best efforts, he was never online, and his calls were never answered, the obnoxiously fake ringing replaying itself over and over and over again. It'd been the third day without contact from Castiel, and Dean was growing anxious. Was he still doing his finals? Was he still studying too hard? Did he pass out? Was he drinking water? Was he safe- "Jesus christ, Dean. Pull yourself together," he muttered, rubbing his hands across his face, stifling a yawn as he looked over at his laptop screen. He could see his face, and the ringing continued, but it never went through, and after about five more minutes, he gave up. He pushed the screen down, choosing instead to try to catch some sleep before his show the next day.

But sleep didn't come. He had been laying in bed, staring at the ceiling for an hour, the Lyon city streets buzzing quietly. His hotel was rather secluded, but his windows were open, and the occasionally voices and cars rung bright through the room. It wasn't distracting, he had slept through more back in Lawrence, but it was bothering him how little he had heard from Castiel. He decided to send him a text from his email, hoping to receive some sort of reply, but nothing came. He eventually fell asleep, half out of his covers, his phone dropped to the floor, his arm dangling off the edge of the bed.

He slept long, but it wasn't particularly restful, so when he woke mid-afternoon, he was ready for a nap within the hour. But he couldn't rest. He sent Castiel one more text, then headed off to his venue, helping his crew set up before the soundcheck, which could have gone smoother, but the fans didn't seem to care, the predominantly-girl pre-show crowd giggling every time he messed up, or cursed, or dropped his pick on the ground. "I'm sleepy," he muttered into the microphone, offering it as an explanation. The girls all giggled at that, one screaming, another yelling to her friend how cute he was. He wandered off stage to go fitz with a few things before reemerging with a bottle of water, of which half he drowned before diving into another song. This one went by smoothly, and then next one after that, and before Dean knew it, he was waving goodbye to the crowd, walking backstage to wait the next 45 minutes out until the show properly began.

He spent that time sending messages to Castiel. He sent one to his manager, asking if he knew anything about where Castiel was, but he responded with a 'Nope', and that was all Dean got from him.

The concert went on without a hitch. There was another band right after Dean, but he didn't know them. Some French band set to calm the crowd down while getting publicity and being payed. It was a pretty sweet deal. Dean had to go down to a signing table just outside the average-sized theater. It took a minute, but by the time he got there, there was already a long line of fans stretching out from the front of it, through the grass, and around the gate to the entrance. Dean was shocked. It was like everybody from inside had come out. There were lights set up, though they weren't necessary yet, the setting sun providing more than enough light for what he needed to do.

It was monotonous. Say hi to smiling girl, sign whatever she wanted signed, say a few nice things every once in a while. Wink. Smile. Repeat. but he couldn't complain, he had been doing this for years, and it was nothing new, but the urge to cheek his phone kept washing over him, and the minute it took to sign each thing seemed like an hour. He almost didn't notice the tapping on his shoulder, but when he did, he turned around to find- nothing. Absolutely nothing. He knitted his brows together for a moment, then went back to signing. The girls who's faces he could see looked positively giddy, more so than before, and he was glad to see such enthusiasm until another tap came on his other shoulder along with a spurt of giggles, and there was nothing there behind him when he turned. He looked to the girl in front of him. "Is there someone behind me?"

She shook her head hard, through her smile nearly gave her away. "No," she responded with a heavy accent.

Dean made a face. "Alright," he said, disbelief flooding his tone, but he continued on. He signed her poster, then a few more from the girls after him, getting through about five before he felt a hand running through his hair. He quickly finished signing the posted before whirling around, eyes scanning all around him, though he didn't see anything. He turned back to the girl in front of him. "Am I hallucinating?"

The girl's grin brightened, but she shook her head. "No. Not hallucinating."

Dean squinted his eyes. "The who's doing it?"

Her grin grew even wider. "Nobody."

Dean rolled his eyes.  _What the fuck is going on._ A few more touches went by, but he didn't bother looking anymore. Whoever was fucking with him was having far too much fun, and he didn't want to play into it anymore. He had toned it all out so much, that he didn't even pay attention to the felt-tipped pens scrawling across the back of his hand until the light touch wasn't there anymore. He finished scrawling on the shoe in front of him before bothering to look at his hand.

_Hi Dean_

Dean furrowed his brow. "Is this some kind of game?" he asked to nobody in particular as he once again found nothing on his scan around. He waited a minute, but there was no sign of anybody, so he continued with his signing. He managed to get himself very involve in it, and barely noticed the pen writing on his left arm again. He only took notice when one of the girls giggled shrilly, and she pointed to his arm.

_Not a game_

Dean narrowed his eyes. "Seriously!" he nearly shouted, looking around for any sign of a person. Nothing. "Who is this? Who is doing this?" Once again, no one came forward, and he decided to go back to signing, though he feigned his interest in it all, pulling up a facade, just waiting for the perpetrator to come back. They did when Dean was at his most distracted, but he managed to snap out of it when he felt the wet tip on his skin, and he dropped the pen he was signing with, reaching over to grab the wrist of the hand writing on his. He looked down at the half written word ' _Ca_ ' and immediately snapped his eyes up to the writer.

Castiel stood hunched over in front of him, hand still gripping the pen in his hand, his eyes wide as he stared at Dean. The singer was dumbfounded, sitting there in a stupor as the girls closer to the table murmured excitedly. It was a moment before he could speak again, and all he could get out was "Cas?"

Castiel's lips quirked up. "Hi Dean."

Dean stared at him, eyes wide and mouth gaping for a good minute before he could do anything again. In a flash, he was tugging hard on the wrist in his hand, pulling Castiel to him, crashing their lips together. He pulled to hard, and his chair tipped over, bringing him to the ground, Castiel on top of him, but he didn't care, just letting out a quiet "oomph!" before continuing with the kiss. The girls surrounding the front of the table cheered, most giggling like mad, a few screeching excitedly, but they both tuned it all out. Dean broke away from Castiel after a minute, absolutely breathless, and rested their foreheads together.

"Cas, you fucker. You came all the way here?"

"I missed you."

"God, I missed you too, baby," he muttered, kissing him solidly again, causing a few more cheers to erupt. A few flashes had them pulling apart, and Dean noticed they were taking pictures over the table, a few probably filming. That was when Castiel decided it was time to get up, pushing himself to his feet before help Dean up, dusting his ass of for him, giving it a light pat to the girl's delight. They were just eating it up.

One of the service men had brought over a chair for Castiel, leaving it at the end of the table. Dean brought it over next to his own, sitting down, pulling Castiel into the one beside him. Before he could do anything more, he grabbed his pen, reaching over to write ' _Hi Cas_ ' on his hand, putting a small heart right beside it. Castiel flushed a bit at it. He leaned over before returning to signing, whispering in his ear, "I like that you're wearing my jacket."

"Well someone ought to," he whispered back. "And you sure as hell weren't going to do it."

Dean smiled and leaning in, kissing his cheek, earning a few awws. He returned to signing things, the next object passed to him being a phone. He signed the back of the light-colored case, and passed it back to the girl who immediately held it up, opening her camera, changing it to video mode. She pressed record. "Hi Dean," she said, voice layered with a light accent.

"Hi," Dean replied.

"Would you mind…  _introducing_ us to your…. Well, this cutie?"

"Dean grinned, slipping his arm around Castiel's shoulders. "Of course. This is Castiel Novak. Cas if you're, well, me," he said, turning his face to kiss him softly, earning a few giggles. He pulled away, smiling as turning back to the girl. He reached across his body to cover Castiel's hand with his own, looking the camera dead on. "I met him about two months ago. He's my boyfriend."

The in line close enough to hear bursted into conversation, almost all of them talking excitedly, and whether it was good or bad things they were saying, they all continued to do so, spreading the word down the long line. Tons of phones lit up faces that were dark from the nearly-set sun, surely going to post about it, hoping to be the one identified as the one with the first scoop. The girl who was filming was now typing away furiously, and Dean took the opportunity to turn his attention to Castiel. "So babe," he started, squeezing his hand. "It's official. What do you think?"

Castiel's wide eyes scanned the huge line of fans, nearly every sing one on their phones, typing away and posting what seemed like a near-infinite amount of words and pictures. His eyes slowly worked over each and every person, not able to believe the sheer amount of people. "I think…" his voice was quiet when he spoke, barely audible over the loud musings of Dean's fans. "I think my life's about to get really,  _really_  fucking crazy."

 

 


	2. Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woahkay sexy stuff toward the beginning, fair warning. Sorry I'm so bad at it

Questions were okay. Annoying, but okay.

Unless they were the same question repeatedly.

Dean had banned questions by the time half of the remaining line had gone through. Each of them asked him to confirm his relationship with Castiel, and it was getting exhausting, wasting all of the time he'd rather be spending with Castiel back in his hotel room. The moment the last fan had gone through the line, and it looked like no one else was coming, he had Castiel's hand linked in his own, dragging him of to where he knew his driver was waiting.

Well, thought his driver was waiting.

The car was empty when he got there, but it was no bother to either of them. Within seconds Castiel had Dean pinned to the side of the car, his lips working across his jaw and neck. Dean threaded his fingers in Castiel's hair. "God, Cas. I missed you so much."

"Mmm," Castiel hummed flatly over his adams apple in response, choosing to latch on right above his collarbone, sucking and nipping at it. "Missed you too, Dean. So fucking much," he muttered when he broke away, a fresh new mark on Dean's skin. He kissed him hard, and Dean grabbed his ass, holding him close as they kissed until the driver returned. He cleared his throat, and the two of them broke away, though they couldn't regret being caught.

Dean's new driver was a quiet english man. He had had a woman beforehand, but when she fell sick, her brother took over. "Hello, Mister Winchester."

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, opening the back door for Castiel. "Hey Chester," he greeted him, slipping in beside Castiel, who immediately curled into him, kissing his jaw. Dean nudged his face up once the car began moving, kissing him again. Chester rolled up the privacy window, but the ride was short, and before they knew it the door beside Dean was opened. They startled apart, and Chester raised an eyebrow.

"This is the boyfriend you've been pining over, I assume?" Dean looked a bit sheepish as he climbed out of the car, but Castiel grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze.

Dean nodded. "Yeah. This is Cas- Castiel," he started. "And yeah, he's the guy." Chester smiled softly, greeting Castiel who greeted him back. He let Dean lead him up to the room since he had no idea where it even was. He led Castiel over to a small elevator, pulling him into a hug as the doors slid shut. It was only a 3-flight ride, but it was slow.

Castiel nuzzled himself into Dean's neck, smiling. "You talked about me?" He knew full well that he did, if the messages he shared with Dean's manager were anything to go by, but he wanted to hear it.

Dean's cheeks tinted red. "Uhhh, yeah. I did. A lot. I missed you like crazy."

Castiel smiled more. "I talked about you too, Dean. I think Nona wanted to punch me. There's only such much someone can stand that sort of thing."

"I think Chester feels the same way."

The doors slid open with a creak, and they stepped out, making their way to Dean's room, Castiel pushing into the room before Dean. It was decent sized, but the large bed in the corner took up nearly half of the space. Castiel gaped at it. "Why the fuck is the bed so big?"

Dean didn't pay him any attention, stepping close behind him, rubbing his hands on his shoulders, working the jacket off of his body. He continued rubbing his shoulders once the jacket fell, until Castiel turned around. As soon as he was looking at him, he had his fingers wrapped around his biceps, turning him, shoving him into the wall. He kissed him hard, hands dropping from his arms down to his hips. Castiel raised his arms to drape over Dean's shoulders, fingers sliding between the loose cotton of his open button-up and his fitted white t-shirt, gently working it down over the round of his shoulder's before Dean caught on, and dropped his hands from Castiel's hips, yanking the over-shirt off, tossing it to the floor, not breaking the kiss once. Castiel began tugging on his t-shirt after, and Dean broke away to take it off and throw it down on the floor opposite of his button-up. He made to kiss Castiel again, but the other had different plans, dipping his head down to suck on Dean's collarbone as his hands moved down to fiddle with his belt buckle.

Castiel had undone his belt as well as his button and zipper, and slipped his hands into his pants, sliding them back to cup his ass, one inside his boxers, one out. He pulled their hips together, rolling his against Dean's, tilting his head up to kiss at his jaw. "I want you," he breathed, rolling his hips forward again.

"You have me," he muttered back, pushing his hips forward, pinning Castiel to the wall for a moment.

"No Dean." Castiel slid the hand outside of Dean's boxers forward, bending his fingers around his hardened cock, stroking it lightly through the cotton as he pushed Dean's hips into him again. "I  _want_ you."

Dean wasted no time moving his hips back enough to undo Castiel's pants, sliding them down just a bit before focusing on his shirt, which he pulled up and off, disregarding it on the floor, letting it fall onto the heap of his other clothes. He kissed Castiel hard one last time before stepping back, falling to his knees. Castiel cocked his head, looking down at him in question, but Dean's lips were sucking a bruise into his skin slightly below his navel, his fingers hooking into his boxers. He slipped them down and pulled back from Castiel's stomach, a new mark clear on his skin. He dropped his head down, brushing his nose up against the length of his cock, pressing his open lips to the tip in a loose kiss when at the top. Dean rolled his eyes up to look at Castiel, making sure he was okay with this, but his lips were parted open and his eyes were heavily lidded, and Dean didn't even need to ask.

Dean licked across the tip a few times, gauging Castiel's reactions before leaning in, closing his lips around his swollen member, slowly slinking down on him as far as he could go, fingers reaching up to stroke where his mouth couldn't reach. He began to bob his head gently, taking as much of Castiel as he could, each time getting a bit more in. Castiel moaned and fisted his fingers in Dean's hair, tugging tightly with every bob, but Dean didn't relent, twisting his fist around the base every few bobs.

Castiel was growing more shaky with every movement of Dean's head or hand, his lips working around him in a way he'd never experienced before.  _Dean wanted to be doing this_ , he had to remind himself. He wasn't doing it for payback, or retribution for something he had done earlier. He wanted Castiel to react this way. He wanted him to feel good. But why? Castiel gasped and moaned, dropping his head down, squeezing his eyes shut as a jolt of pleasure spread through him. "God, Dean," he groaned out, fingers tightening even more in the short sandy locks. It was hard to think of anything else when Dean's hot mouth was wrapped around him, and  _oh that tongue._ Hot bursts of pleasure spread through him, and he new he was close. "Dean," he muttered, fisting his fingers in the front of Dean's hair, trying to tug him back, give him some sort of warning. Dean didn't listen, just quickened his pace, hollowing his cheeks, humming him through it.

" _Fuck you-_ oh," Castiel moaned, fisting tighter into Dean's hair. "Dean. Dean pull away. Baby, I'm about to-oh." He was cut off again, his hips stuttering forward as he squeezed his eyes shut, spilling into Dean's mouth with a white flash.

Dean sucked him through, only pulling back and swallowing when he felt Castiel's knees grow weak. He held up his arms, and Castiel slid down to his knees, falling forward into Dean. He was breathing hard, his eyes still squeezed tightly shut.

"Oh my  _god_ , Dean," he said, voice barely there amongst his breath. "That was…"

Dean smiled. "Was I good, baby?"

"Best blow-job. I've ever gotten." He peered at Dean. "You swallowed."

Dean smiled more. "You called me baby."

"Yeah?" he asked once he'd caught his breath and calmed himself enough. "I like it more when you say it," he muttered, trying to push Dean to the floor, but he didn't budge. Castiel shrugged and shifted himself out of Dean's arms, reaching down to tug at the band of his pants, still trying to nudge him to the ground. Dean didn't move, just sat still, hands on Castiel's bare thighs and a smile on his lips. Castiel looked up at him. "Dean, lay down. I'm trying to suck your dick. It's not going to work with you sitting like this."

Dean hummed. "No, it's not."

Castiel paused, eyes hardening as he glared at Dean. "No, Dean. Lay down."

"I don't want a blow-job."

Castiel growled and lunged at Dean, finally knocking him to the ground. He slid his hand down the front of his pants and into his boxers, fingers wrapping around his cock. "You don't want a blow-job? Bullshit."

"Cas, baby," Dean muttered, grabbing his chin as he pulled him in to a kiss. Castiel resisted at first, not satisfied with what Dean was trying to do, but Dean was relentless, and Castiel eventually gave in, his hand relaxing in his pants, his lips becoming more pliant. When Dean decided he had calmed him down enough, he broke the kiss. He opened his mouth to speak, but Castiel beat him to it.

"Why won't you let me reciprocate?"

Dean shook his head. "When you say it that way, you make it sound like it was a favor."

Castiel blinked. "Wasn't it?"

"Not everything sexual is a favor. I did that because I wanted to, because you deserve to be treated right by a boyfriend for once." Castiel was staring at him, and Dean continued, cupping his face. "Do you not think you deserve things like this for no reason other than to make you feel good?"

Castiel stared for another moment, blinking slowly. "So, what?" he asked after a moment. "You're going to ask for something later?"

"Or I'm going to forget about it, and you can do whatever you want to me when we both want it."

Castiel wrapped his fingers solidly around Dean's cock again. "I want to do this now."

Dean kissed him again. "No you don't." He kissed him once more before dropping his hands down to Castiel's shoulders, pushing him lightly, getting him off of his body enough to sit up. Castiel looked dejected, his hand still in Dean's pants. He looked almost ridiculous. "Cas, get undressed, and get on to the bed." He cupped his face as he pushed himself to his knees, pulling Castiel's hand out of his boxers before dropping his hands to the ground to push himself to his feet. "I'll be right back."

Castiel sat on the floor, watching as Dean disappeared into the bathroom. He swallowed. What sort of game was Dean playing? No one did what he just did, not without reason. He sighed and pushed himself off the floor, toeing off his shoes, stepping out of his pants before sitting down on top of the sheets, resting his back on a pillow against the headboard.

Dean came out of the bathroom after a good few minutes, just as naked as Castiel was, though a small white bottle was in his hand. He tossed the bottle up by Castiel when he reached the end of the bed before hopping up on it, crawling across the mattress, kissing Castiel when he was close enough, one arm going over his legs, hand pushing into the mattress to keep him up. Castiel responded weakly, and Dean pulled back. "You're beautiful, Cas."

Castiel looked at him, barely turning his head. "So?"

Dean frowned. "Are you really that bothered by what I just did? Or what I  _didn't_ let you do?"

Castiel was quiet until Dean kissed him gently again. "…Dean, why would you do something so… nice, to me?"

"'Cause I'm your boyfriend, Cas."

"Why wouldn't you let me do it back?"

Dean sighed and sat back beside Castiel, sitting on his legs. He took Castiel's hands. "Because I don't want you to see what we do together as favors that need to be repaid, Cas. I want you to see it as… Caring act- even loving if you're okay with thinking of it that way, and until you see it as that… Well…" Dean shrugged, and Castiel looked up from their hands.

"You won't let me get you off until I do it out of… love?"

"In the broadest sense, yeah."

"But you did it to me." Dean smiled at him in response, and Castiel stared down at his hand. He lifted the one Dean had written on earlier. "So is that what the heart was about?" He looked back up at him, and Dean smiled again. Castiel dropped Dean's hands and tucked his knees up to his chest, rocking forward to land on his knees, crawling forward to straddle Dean's lap. He pressed his cheek to his shoulder, wrapping his arms low around him.

Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel in return, and Castiel kissed his neck. Dean smiled. "It's nice to have you back in my arms, Cas."

"It's nice to be back in them. Thanks for getting me off, Dean. It felt really good."

"That's all I want."

Castiel smiled. "Can we go to bed now? I haven't slept in like, three days."

Dean kissed Castiel's hair. "Why haven't you slept?"

"Finals, and then coming here. I can't sleep on airplanes, especially not near new people."

"Oh, baby…" Dean kissed his hair again. "Of course we can go to sleep."

Castiel didn't make to move off of Dean, so he nudged him. Castiel groaned. "You're so comfortable."

Dean laughed. "You can't sleep like this."

"Why not?"

"Cas," he warned. When he didn't move, Dean fell on to his back then rolled over, nearly pinning Castiel to the bed.

The dark-haired man glared at him. "Seriously, Dean?"

Dean grinned and shrugged, pushing himself up. He grabbed the little white bottle on the bed and tossed it toward the nightstand before turning and plopping himself flat on the mattress, resting his head on the pillow. Castiel was still glaring at where Dean had been above him. Dean nudged him with his foot. "Come on babe." He held open his arms. "Please. I want you."

Castiel was still another moment before he sat up crawling over to Dean, curling up beside him. Dean slipped an arm around him, kissing his temple as he snuggled his head against his chest. Dean reached over to flick off the lamp, and once the room was bathed in darkness, Castiel truly got comfortable, pulling the comforter over the two of them.

"I really missed you, Dean."

"I missed you too. So, so much."

"I know. That's why I came here. God, Dean. It was so hard to be away from you."

"We just kind of wormed into each other's lives, didn't we?"

Castiel laughed. "Yeah, we sure did. Your manager noticed it too. He was actually the one who bought my ticket."

Dean turned to look down at Castiel, large eyes looking back up at him, soft light from outside shining in on them. "Finn did?"

Castiel nodded. "Yeah. He told me before you left on tour to contact him for anything I needed. I told him I was going to come out to see you, and he was more than willing to help. He didn't want me to miss school or hurt myself with stress from everything happening so fast, but he did it."

"Did you email or something?"

"No, he texted me."

Dean furrowed his brow. "I never saw your name on his phone?"

Castiel laughed and rested his cheek back on Dean's chest, snuggling in to him more. "No. He didn't want you to find out, so he gave me a code name. D's C, or something like that."

"You were D's pb C?"

Castiel nodded. "Yeah."

"What'd it stand for?"

"Dean's prettyboy Castiel. I gave him a codename too."

"What was it?" Dean asked. "D's S S M?"

Castiel laughed. "That sounds kinky."

"It stands for  _Dean's Stupid Secretive Manager_."

"It wasn't… D's S S M, or whatever. It's was D's M."

"Dean's manager?"

"Mhmm."

"You're not very creative, Cas."

Castiel rolled his eyes. "You still heart me. See?" He held up his hand. "See? I've got proof."

Dean smiled. "I see. Let's go to sleep."

"Not until you admit it."

"Admit that I heart you?" Castiel nodded. Dean sighed, though he still had a hint of a smile. "Yeah, baby. I heart you. Now go to bed."

"Okay." Castiel turned his head up, and Dean tilted his head down on instinct, kissing him gently. Castiel pulled away and rested his head back on Dean's chest. He yawned quietly. "Okay. Good night, Dean."

Dean held Castiel closer, snuggling down into the bed. "Goodnight, Cas."

Castiel was asleep in minutes, but Dean lay awake, eyes turned downward, watching his boyfriend's chest rise and fall, his eyelashes fluttering as his eyes moved beneath them. Dean's thumb worked in small circles across Castiel's bicep, holding him close, touching him where he could, just glad for the opportunity to do so. He looked at the hand pressed over his belly, his handwriting from earlier that day visible in the moonlight.

He looked back down at the top of Castiel's head. He leaned down to kiss his hair. "I do heart you, Cas," he muttered into the dark mop of strands. "More and more each day." He sighed. "If only you knew how much I do, you beautiful, beautiful man."

Dean sighed once more and rested his head against the pillow, tired of muttering to an unconscious man. He remained silent as he slowly drifted off, only whispering one more time before finally falling asleep. "Goodnight, Cas. I heart you."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SEE CUTE THINGS HAPPENED
> 
> I'VE BEEn wATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL FOR LIKE A REALLY LONG TIME JESUS CRIST I'M SORRY FOR WHAT I JUST DID BUT I REALLY WANTED TO GET SOMETHING ELSE OUT BEFORE MY COUSIN CAME UP
> 
> I hope you liked this, and like I just said (screamed) I wanted to get this out before my cousin came up, and so if I left anything unresolved this chapter, it's because I planned to write more, but I just couldn't get it done, and I REALLY wanted something out.
> 
> Anyway, I MAY GET NEW PIERCINGS TUESDAY OHHHH YESSSSSSSSSSS *gravy face*
> 
> Just realized you probs don't know what gravy face is...
> 
> Anyway, for story time, a hot guy I work with stabbed a spider today with a pair of scissors. It was PRIME. Also I sunburned ONE HALF of my body. The right side, just so you know.
> 
> Anyway, sorry if this seems rushed... it kinda was.
> 
> So, thanks for reading! And really, let me know what you think!
> 
> I heart you (ehhhheheh)


	3. Scared

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel has some issues, and Dean tries to solve them, though the road is bumpy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Head of warning, my wordcount went down when I uploaded this to ff, so if it seems like anything is missing (like a word in the middle of a sentence) please let me know

 

Dean woke up first. Castiel was still sound asleep, nuzzled tightly to Dean, the fingers of the hand on his stomach curled in, digging into Dean's stomach, though it wasn't painful. His hair was plastered in every direction, and Dean couldn't help but to smile fondly, glad to wake up to that once again. He stretched his head down to kiss the top of Castiel's, and the sleeping man groaned.

"Fuck you, Dean. I was asleep."

Dean laughed. "My kiss woke you up?" Castiel groaned in response, and Dean laughed again. Castiel turned and smushed his face into Dean's as he continued to talk. "So, does that make you Sleeping Beauty, or Snow White?"

"Who said you get to be the prince?"

"I can be a princess too. Or we can both be princes." Castiel grunted against Dean, and Dean continued. "I think you'd be Snow White."

Castiel rolled away from Dean, laying on his back. "Why's that? My hair?"

"Yeah, part of it. Also I think she'd be a bitch in the morning. And she's the prettiest one, come on."

"I think Rapunzel's the prettiest. You'd be her. You've got the same eyes as her."

"Do I?"

Castiel nodded. "Mhmm. Now move your ass."

Dean cocked his head while looking over at Castiel. "Why?"

"So I can get out of bed."

"Crawl to the edge?"

Castiel groaned. "Too lazy."

Dean rolled his eyes and rolled to his side, wrapping his arms around Castiel. He held him tight as he rolled back onto his back, Castiel on top of him. He kissed him, then slid his hand down, grabbing his ass. He grinned. "This is as far as you're going. Stop being lazy." He smacked his ass once then relaxed, closing his eyes as he rested back on his pillow. Castiel glared at him, but cooperated, rolling off of Dean, setting his feet on the floor. A moment after he had caught his balance, he was walking off to the bathroom, grabbing his boxers from his jeans on his way.

When he came back out, he had his boxers on, and his hair had a few drops of water in it from his obvious attempts to calm it back into how he usually had it styled, but it had clearly been a useless waste of his time, tufts of his dark hair pointing up in every direction. Dean wasn't paying attention however, now sitting up in bed, slipping the small white bottle from the night before between his fingers. Castiel paused and cocked his head at it. "What is that?"

"Hmm?" Dean hummed, looking up to Castiel. He shook the bottle gently, holding it up. "This?" Castiel nodded. "It's lotion. I was going to give you a massage last night, but it just didn't work out."

Castiel walked over to Dean, sitting beside him on the bed. He grabbed the bottle. "How about I give you one?"

Dean scooted over on the mattress to give Castiel some space. "Do you want to?"

"I'd love to," Castiel responded, shifting on the bed, turning enough to put his hands on Dean's shoulders, working his fingers over the tight muscles. "Have my hands all over my big, sexy rockstar? Do you even need to ask if I want that?"

Dean grinned, and Castiel took that as a yes, gently pushing on Dean's shoulders, guiding him to lay down. Dean flopped on his side, then rolled on his back. Castiel took the opportunity to grab Dean's ass, squeezing it, kneading his fingers in it for a moment. Dean flushed, straightening his legs, unwilling to admit how much that turned him on, but it tightened his muscles, only prodding Castiel to knead him more. "Relax, Dean."

Once he felt Dean relax, he moved to straddle his thighs, pressing his hips close to his ass. He poured some of the lotion into his hands, then a thin line straight down Dean's spine. He rubbed his hands together, then put them on Dean's shoulder's, thumbs working in gentle circle on either side of his spine, working up and down his neck as far as he could reach, pressure increasing with each sweep.

Dean moaned on occasion, every motion of Castiel's hands or fingers relaxing him even more. Castiel moved on from Dean's neck to his shoulders, then his back. His hands started at the base of his spine, sweeping up, thumbs balanced on either side of his back, hands turning out at the top, working down his sides as he brought them back down, repeating the motion over and over with varying pressure.

When he decided he was done with Dean's back, he unstraddled his thighs and stood up, spreading Dean's legs apart enough for him to kneel between his feet. He put more lotion on his hands, then thin strips down the back of Dean's legs before wrapping his fingers around his ankles. He ran his hands up his legs, the heel of his palms pressing into his muscles when he hit the larger parts, his fingers pressing into his ass when he reached it. He worked his fingers in small circles on the way back down.

It was a monotonous routine, but it had Dean more relaxed than he'd been in years. Castiel could practically see his light smile from where he was laying. When he was done with his legs, he slid back up Dean's back. He pressed a light kiss behind his ear, whispering to him "Turn over for me, baby."

A shiver rolled through Dean, though he rolled over without question as soon as Castiel moved to allow him to do so. He smiled lazily up at Castiel, his eyes heavily lidded. "You called me baby again," he muttered.

Castiel just smiled, pushing Dean's legs apart, kneeling between them once again. Dean closed his eyes, and Castiel began the same motion he had been using on the back of Dean's legs, neither of them really caring about Dean's nudity. It didn't become an issue until Castiel moved up to work on Dean's chest, their crotches pressed together as he straddled his thighs, only the thin layer of Castiel's boxers between them. It was a bit harder to ignore it now, Castiel's sensual and gentle touches really effecting Dean.

He was able to keep himself calm as Castiel's hands worked across his abdomen, neck, and arms, soothing him and relaxing him to the point where he was startled out of his touch-induced trance when Castiel unstraddled him once more, draping his arm over his body as he lay down beside him. "Feel good?" Castiel whispered as he pressed a soft kiss right in front of his ear.

"So good," Dean muttered back, turning his head to look at Castiel though his eyes were still closed. "Where'd you learn to give a massage like that?"

Castiel shrugged. "Practice."

Dean smiled and leaned in. Castiel met him in the middle, connecting their lips in a lazy kiss. Dean smiled more as they broke apart. He kissed him once more. "I'll be right back."

Castiel relaxed on his back as Dean sat up, wobbling a bit as he did. He took a moment to garner his balance before moving on to the bathroom, coming out a few minutes later. He put on his boxers on the way back to the bed, crawling over Castiel when he reached it. He kissed him. "It was nice waking up to you this morning."

Castiel smiled. "It was. I didn't realized how accustomed to sleeping with you I had grown until I suddenly couldn't."

Dean dropped down to Castiel's side, tangling his legs with the other as they faced each other. "I was so desperate for you after a while, Cas. I bought a body pillow just so I could have something to cuddle at night. I left it back in Edinburgh, though." Dean reached up to cup Castiel's face, kissing him solidly. "God, I just missed you so much."

"It's amazing how often I slept with your jacket. It was like… my safety blanket."

Dean smiled. "Something of mine is your safety blanket?"

Castiel dipped his head down as his cheeks flushed, nuzzling into Dean's chest, prompting the other to hold him close. He tucked his arms close to his body. "You make me feel safe. Only thing that does anymore…"

"Really? Me?"

"Mhmm."

Dean shivered, and Castiel nuzzled in closer. It was shocking to realize just how attached to him Castiel had become to him, and how secure it made Dean feel in return, to know that Castiel needed him as much as he needed Castiel. He angled his head down, pressing a kiss to the top of his head. "I heart you, Cas."

"What is hearting?" Castiel asked once the warm feeling from Dean's words faded from his chest.

"It's a thing my mom told me when I was kid. I had my first crush-turned-girlfriend, if you could call it that at 8, and I was positive I was in love with her." They both laughed, and Dean continued. "I told my mom I loved her, and that we were gonna get married, and she told me I didn't love her, that I just hearted her."

"So, it's like a really strong crush?"

Dean shook his head. "No. Well, kinda. But no. It's where you open your heart to someone. It's theirs for the taking, if they want it. One day, they're gonna take it from you completely, whether they know it or not, and that's when you know you're in love."

Castiel smiled, tilting his head up as much as he could. "So your heart is mine, if I want it?"

"Even if you don't."

Castiel's eyes were soft as he looked up at Dean. He slid his arms up between their bodies, linking his fingers behind Dean's head, the baby hairs at the nape of his neck soft against his palms. He pulled Dean down as he slid himself up, kissing him softly. He smiled again when he pulled away. "That's a good feeling."

"One of the best," Dean said back. Castiel kissed him once more before rolling onto his back, sitting up. Dean also rolled onto his back, but remained there, pressing a hand over the base of Castiel's bare spine. His thumbs moved in graceful sweeps, and Castiel looked back at him.

"What are you doing?"

Dean shrugged, smiling to himself as he stared at his hand, and Castiel's back. "Just remembering that you called me baby earlier. That's twice now."

"You like it when I call you that?" Dean hummed in response, sliding his hand a bit lower on Castiel's back. "Why?"

"'Cause when you say it, it's… it's sweet"

"You like it?"

Dean hummed again, sitting up beside Castiel. He turned to kiss his cheek. "I'm gonna go shower."

Castiel nodded and watched as Dean walked off to the bathroom. When Dean was done, he brushed passed him in the narrow hall, brushing his hand across his bare and still-damp stomach. Dean stopped, and Castiel took the opportunity to grab his hips, pinning him to the wall as he fell to his knees, kissing and licking up the few drops of water rolling down low on Dean's hips. "So sexy," Castiel muttered as he pushed himself back to his feet, kissing Dean's cheek, stroking his hand right above the waistband of his towel as he left to the bathroom. The door shut with a click, but Dean didn't move again until the shower had been running for a good few minutes.

When Castiel came out he was nude, his towel draped over his head, but Dean was dressed. Castiel cocked his head at him. "Are those  _my_ clothes?"

Dean grinned. "Mhmm. Finn brought your suitcase over."

Castiel nodded. "Decided to wear my stuff?"

"It smells good, and I couldn't resist."

"It smells like me, Dean," Castiel responded, going to his haphazardly opened suitcase, pulling out some boxers. He slipped them on before pulling out a pair of khaki shorts. He then moved to Dean, standing in front of him. "You want to pick out a shirt for me?"

Dean took hold of his hips, raking his eyes over his abdomen. "Nah."

Castiel rolled his eyes. "As much as I appreciate your stare, I'm a bit cold."

"I'll keep you warm," Dean said, tugging on Castiel's hips, pulling him down to straddle his thighs. He wrapped him in a hug, holding him close.

"Still not warm enough." Castiel grumbled after a while. He wasn't really that cold, he had shorts on and it was nearly 80 outside, but he just felt like complaining. Dean had woken him up.

"Maybe this will warm you up," Dean whispered as he pulled his head back from Castiel's shoulder, kissing up his neck. He stopped under his ear, flicking his tongue out before attaching his lips, sucking lightly. Castiel gasped and pressed closer to Dean, prompting him to pull back, sucking his earlobe between his teeth, tongue swirling around it. "I want to fuck your prefect ass so hard, baby. Fist my fingers in your hair. Make you really scream out my name from that gorgeous fucking mouth of yours."

Dean could feel Castiel's skin heat up, so he moved back to his earlobe, sucking it between his teeth one more time before pulling back. Castiel was looking down, and Dean slid a hand forward to tilt his chin up. "Warmed you up, didn't I?"

"Did a bit more than that, Dean."

"I can fix that."

Castiel rolled his eyes. "How'd you even know what to say?"

"You always blush when I talk about your body."

"No I don't, he muttered.

Dean rolled his eyes. "I would give anything,  _anything,_ to be able to spend today doing absolutely nothing but loving and worshiping your body as well as you deserve." Dean felt Castiel's skin heat up and prickle, and saw his cheeks tint red. He grinned. "You totally do."

"Shut up. You're too nice to me."

"I'm not nice enough. Cas, when I say that I want to love your body, and that it deserves to be worshiped, I'm not kidding. You're so fucking gorgeous, and you need to feel like you are."

"I do, Dean-"

"No you don't!"

"And why do you think that?"

"Because one of the first things you said to me about your body was that you're ugly." Castiel fell silent, and Dean cupped his face, forcing him to look at him. "You still believe it, don't you?"

"It'd be impossible for me not to, Dean," Castiel muttered, shaking his head the most he could, his eyes turned downward. He was attempting to distance himself from Dean inch by inch, but Dean was having none of it, his hand still cupped around his face, his arm still around his waist. "Let me go, please."

"No, Cas."

"Dean…" he warned.

"Give me one good reason."

"I asked you to."

"Not good enough."

"Dean, you're acting like them!" he whined, shoving himself off of Dean's lap and back, feet landing on the floor as he backed away from his hurt-looking boyfriend.

"What do you mean,  _like them_?"

"Not good enough.  _Not good enough_. I wasn't good enough for them, I'm not good enough for you- I'm never good enough!"

"What are you talking about, Cas? Of course you're good enough. You're perfect," he emphasized, standing and taking a step to Castiel, though the other stepped back.

"No I'm not! And I swear to god, Dean. If you say  _imperfectly perfect_  I'm going to fucking… Ugh!" Castiel groaned, walking over to his suitcase. He flipped through it, looking for a shirt to wear, but when Dean showed up behind him, hands lightly grabbing his hips, he gave up and snapped back up, stepping out of Dean's hold.

"Cas! What's going on?"

Castiel rolled his eyes, grabbing Dean's jacket. "I need air."

"Let me come with you."

"Alone," he clarified, slipping Dean's jacket over his shoulders, turning to walk out of the door.

Dean followed after him, but gave up when Castiel began to walk down the stairs, pointedly ignoring Dean's calls of his name. "Damn it, Cas! Come back!"

Castiel continued to ignore him, only calling back an "I'll be back." before disappearing.

Dean stood at the top of the stairs, watching Castiel leave. The temptation to follow him was more than strong, but Castiel clearly needed his space. Dean turned and stalked back to his room, slamming the door behind him as he collapsed on the bed.

When he was done moping, calming himself down in the process, Dean got up, looking around the room for Castiel's phone. He didn't see it, so he assumed it was in his jacket when he left, but it didn't make him feel any better. At least Castiel could call him if he needed him.

It didn't stop him from feeling at a loss, however. Castiel was gone again after less than 24 hours, and Dean really didn't know what he had done wrong.

_Maybe you're smothering him. Maybe you feel too strongly about him, and it scares him. Fuck, it scares you. Maybe it just doesn't feel as good to Castiel as it feels to you. Maybe he doesn't get that euphoric feeling through his body when you touch, or kiss. Maybe he's not as interested in you as you though._

Dean shook his head.  _Why would he have come to see me, then? Why would he go through all that trouble?_ Dean's eyes grew wide as a new thought filled his mind. He collapsed back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling.

_What if he came to see if you were really meant to be together, and because of all this, he decided we're not and now he wants to break up with me but I'm being too needy, and attached, and he's so perfect and nice… he'd never be able to do it with me acting like this. But why would he have been so sweet this morning. Why would he massage me? And ask me what 'hearting' was?_

Dean groaned. He knew he was digging too deep into it. What if Castiel really just needed some air?

 _But what if he didn't_?

Dean groaned once again, but it didn't stop the thoughts from whirling through his mind, leaving him nearly incapacitated until Finn came by to grab their suitcases.

"Where's Castiel?"

"Out."

"You're not with him?"

"Nope."

Finn pulled a face, and grabbed their suitcases. "Well, we've got to leave soon, if you plan to make it to your concert."

"Yep."

"You guys have a fight or something?" he asked, pushing the cases out to the hall, where two men took them away.

"Kinda."

"You gonna say more than a word in response?"

"Nope."

Finn rolled his eyes, making to leave the room. "We leave in… 75 minutes. You better be in a better mood."

"'Kay."

Finn rolled his eyes once more, and walked out, closing the door behind him.

It was a little over an hour before Dean heard from Castiel. His phone began ringing, and Dean sat up. The number was unfamiliar, so Dean's answer was unenthusiastic as he spoke. "Hello?"

A crackle came from the other side. "Dean?"

The voice was scratchy and nearly drowned out from the world around it, but Dean knew who it was immediately. "Cas?"

"Hi."

"Hey, baby. God, where are you?"

"Lost."

Dean laughed. "Are you okay?"

"Uhhh, I am afraid I won't be. I do not know where I am. I am  _lost_ , Dean."

Dean sat up from where he'd be laying. "What do you mean? Cas, are you in danger?"

"I am lost in these alleys, Dean. I am a bit scared."

"Baby, get out of those," Dean said, concern beginning to flood his voice as he stood up, making to leave the room.

"I can't. I am on the phone with you."

"Can you not walk while on the phone?"

"A bit hard to drag a pay-phone with you."

"I'm gonna come find you, baby. Can you tell me where you went?"

"Outside."

"Helpful," Dean said as he rolled his eyes, stepping into the elevator. He smacked the button for the bottom floor. "Any other explanation?"

"It's kind of… dark."

"Really, Cas?" The elevator doors dinged open, and Dean stepped out.

It was a shock to him, really to have hands around his arm, tugging him away from the door and the main entrance, and around a darkened corner. He was prepared to fight whoever was manhandling him, but he was pinned to the wall with hands cupping his face, holding him still as lips pressed to his own. It took him a moment to realize it was Castiel's hand on his face, his body pressed to his own, and his lips locked on his.

Dean broke the kiss after a minute, looking as Castiel with a thoroughly confused expression. "I thought you w-"

"You came for me."

Dean still looked confused. "Of course I did."

"You came for me!" Castiel laughed, kissing Dean again. He hopped up, and Dean wrapped his arms around his legs as soon as he found out Castiel was trying to jump on him, and Castiel wrapped his legs around him as he moved away from the wall, holding on to him as tight as he could. When he broke the kiss, he didn't drop from Dean, instead holding on tighter to prevent himself from falling. "You came for me."

Dean nodded, though he didn't look any less confused. "Why did you lie?"

"I just… needed to know."

Dean sighed. "Cas, we need to talk about what happened earlier. As much as I… love, being ambushed by you in a back corner of a hotel, it's not enough of an explanation for your freak out."

"Can we just talk later, Dean? I want you…. you… you…. right…" Castiel was getting distracted by Dean's face, kissing his where he could.

Dean pulled his face back. "You want me right now?"

"Mhmm," he hummed, trying to kiss Dean again. "Right here. Right now."

"Cas, baby, we're in a lobby." He looked around. "You have ten minutes to do what you want, then we're gonna go get in the car, Chester's gonna take us to Paris, and we're gonna talk about what happened, okay?"

"What I want?" Castiel laughed and wrapped his legs tighter around Dean, shoving his hips down in a roll. "I want you right here, right now. In public," he whispered in his ear, rolling his hips down again. "I want you to  _fuck me_."

Dean squinted his eyes. "Cas, are you dru-"

Castiel smashed his lips to Dean's, fucking his tongue into his mouth. Dean could taste the sweet and bitter taste of something new on Castiel's tongue, and he knew for sure. "Cas-" he gasped out as he broke away. "You're drunk."

"No I'm not," he argued back as he tried to kiss him again.

"I can taste the tequila on your lips."

"So what? I just had a shot or two."

"Or five?"

Castiel shrugged, and Dean's face fell. Castiel rolled his eyes. "What?"

"Why'd you get drunk."

"We'll talk about it later. In the car."

"No, now."

"Don't go back on your promises!"

Dean looked over to the door, seeing Chester pulling up outside. "I don't have to."

Castiel looked over to the door, and rolled his eyes when he saw the man climbing out of the front. "God, that old geezer."

Dean narrowed his eyes. "Cas, he's like 40." He tried nudging him off of him, but Castiel wouldn't let go.

"Who cares? We're young, and sexy, and he's old."

"Why are you being so mean?"

Castiel rolled his eyes. "I'm not being mean. I'm being honest."

"Yeah? Well stop. Cas, get off of me."

"Why should I? Give me one good reason."

Dean was about to argue back, but Chester had come in the building, and Castiel had hopped off of him with another eye roll. He brushed passed Chester on the way out to the car, not bothering to greet him, and Chester turned to Dean. "What's wrong with him today? Also, hello, sir."

"Hey Chester," Dean greeted, following him out to the car. "And I don't know. He's… Drunk, I think."

Chester looked back at him, opening the door Castiel had just slammed. He gave him a look, and Dean shrugged. He noticed Castiel had already rolled up the privacy window, and he was sitting on the complete opposite side of the car from where he had entered. He seemed to have sobered up, at least mentally, from earlier, his face and eyes hard. He was clearly still angry.

Once the door was shut behind him, Castiel turned to look at Dean. "Alright, let's talk."

"Cas, you're drunk. I'm not gonna get anything from you right now."

"Oh really?"

"Really."

"I'm not that drunk."

"Well you want to know what, Cas? That's bullshit."

"Well you want to know what, Dean? I'm scared."

Dean looked over at him, arms crossed. The car was moving, so there was no getting out of whatever bullshit he was sure Castiel was about to spiel off. "Scared?"

"Yes, Dean. Scared."

"Of what?"

"Of you."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Yeah, didn't seem to scared of me back in the hotel. Or last night. Or really even this morning, Cas."

"Not physically scared, Dean. Emotionally." Dean stared at Castiel, waiting impatiently for him to continue.

When he didn't, he spoke up."Emotionally?"

"Dean, do you know how hard it is for me to be in a relationship like this?"

"Once again, didn't seem that hard this far."

"You're nice to me. You're sweet, and kind, and caring, and loving. You try to make me feel better about myself. You hold me when I need and want it, and I'm not just a sex toy to you."

"And that's hard, why?"

"Because I've never had it before. From anybody. Not even my family. Dean, try going from absolute hell to nearly heaven, and tell me you wouldn't have some doubts. If everybody had treated you like a piece of shit, and suddenly someone has you up on a pedestal, how would you feel?"

Dean's eyes had softened, but his stance still remained hard. "So you freaked out on me, and got drunk, because I  _care_ too much?"

"Because I'm afraid of falling for someone who's too good to be true."

Dean didn't speak for a good five minutes. His voice was hard when he finally did. "What kind of bullshit is that, Cas?"

Castiel's eyes widened, and his lips parted. "Wha- Dean, I…"

"You what? You're too scared of falling in love with me to actually do so, Cas? That's what I got from all of that. Is that true?" Castiel was quiet, and Dean took that as a yes. "So, what? I have to sit back and fall helplessly in love with you while you sit on the edge, too scared to even try?"

"You can stop falling for me," he muttered.

"Not gonna happen."

"Dean…" Castiel started, shaking his head. "Dean, I can't do this. It's.. It's way too much for me to take it. I want believe that you heart me, that you care for me, that you want me in your life, but  _god Dean_ it's so hard for me to accept that."

Dean unbuckled himself from his side of the car, moving to the middle to be closer to Castiel. "Why is it so hard to accept, Cas?"

"Because you're beautiful, and sweet, and kind, and a rockstar who doesn't need me! You could have anybody you want! Absolutely anybody in the world, and you choose me! Why? Who the fuck would do that? Take the most damaged and insecure 21 year old they could find, and fall in love with him? That's bullshit! Nobody wants that!"

"I want that!"

"No you don't!"

"Yes I do!"

They were yelling by now, and not even the privacy window could hide their heated words.

"That's such bullshit, Dean! Nobody would want me! I don't even want me!"

"Because your head has been fucked with! You've been told all of your life that no one could ever want you in all of your fucked up glory, and when someone tells you they do, you don't believe them!"

"I don't have a reason to believe them!"

"You have a reason to believe  _me_!"

"Give me one good reason why I should!"

Dean grabbed one of Castiel's hands, taking his fingers, pressing them to his pulse point. "Feel that, Cas?" Castiel nodded. "Now touch me."

Castiel shook his head in mild confusion. "How, Dean? I… I'm already touching you…"

"Cup my face, hold my hip, run your fingers through my hair- I don't care! Do it. Touch me."

Castiel was hesitant, but Dean's hand was warm against the one pressed to his neck, and his eyes were soft and encouraging. It took him a moment, but he reached forward, running his fingers through Dean's hair slowly, curving around his ear and down, stopping to press his palm to the edge of Dean's jaw, his thumb stroking lightly across his cheekbone. Dean closed his eyes and inhaled deeply through his nose, and Castiel felt a slight increase in his pulse. Castiel's eyes widened. "Did I do that to you?"

Dean nodded subtly. "Yeah. Kiss me."

Castiel didn't question it this time, leaning in without another thought. He pressed their lips together gently, the palm on Dean's ace flattening to hold him closer, the fingers on his neck pressing in deeper. Dean's pulse quickened almost immediately. He continued until Dean's pulse evened out at its higher rate, pulling away with wide eyes. Dean's were heavily lidded, and his voice was low when he spoke. "What do you feel?"

Castiel let out a huff of a laugh. "Your heart is racing… Wait…" Dean opened his eyes more, with a hopeful smile. "Does that happen every time?"

"Every time." Castiel's eyes softened, and he leaned in to kiss Dean once more, pulling his fingers from his neck to hold Dean's hand instead. Dean smiled. "Are you still afraid to fall for me?"

Castiel nodded. "Yeah," he admitted.

"I'm gonna fix that, okay? I'm gonna show you that it's okay to let go."

"How?"

"You'll see." Dean peeked out the window behind Castiel, seeing the streets of an unknown city fly by him. He turned his attention back to Castiel, who looked a bit sleepy. "Cas, we probably have another three or so hours."

"So?"

Dean pushed himself back to his side of the car, situating himself to lean against the corner of the door and his seat. "C'mere,' he said, patting his stomach when he was ready, gesturing for Castiel to come join him, which he did so, crawling across to Dean. He rested his head on his stomach, but he slid down to his thighs, Dean's belly not big enough to hold his head up. Castiel re-situated himself, looking up at Dean.

"I'm sorry for earlier Dean."

"It's okay," Dean said back, running his hand from Castiel's forehead back, brushing his hair away from his face.

Castiel squinted. "No, Dean. It's not. I almost messed up what we have because I was scared."

"It's okay to be scared, Cas. I wish you weren't though. Free falling in love is the best feeling ever."

"Maybe I'll completely let go one day," Castiel said, closing his eyes. "And if I do, I just hope you're the one there to catch me."

"I will be, baby," Dean muttered, leaning down to kiss Castiel's forehead. "I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so my cousin is still here, BUT I POUNDED OUT THIS FUCKER IN RECORD TIME
> 
> granted there really wasn't sex, but still.
> 
> also, I went mussing with my brother today in my jeep AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT IT WAS CRAZY LIKE OH MY GOD IT WAS SO SCARY AND I PULLED AN ACE VENTURA AND SANG CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG OR WHATEVER AND THEN I TURNED AROUND SO I GUNNED IT AND DIABLO SLID ACROSS THE MUD RIGHT INTO ONE OF THE TURNOFFS FACING WHERE I WANTED IT TO AND I WAS LIKE
> 
> LIKE
> 
> A 
> 
> GLOVE
> 
> ahem, anyway.... I'll be working on this next chapter, and my cousin leaves... soon, I think, but the pool I work out is also like, dying, so I'll have to work on fixing it, so... not as much free time as I'd hope...
> 
> So, let me know what you think! I love hearing from you! And thank you for reading! 
> 
> :)


	4. Song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Essentially filler, more on the inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is essentially filler, just so you know...

****

Castiel woke up to Dean's gentle touch and words. His cracked open his eyes, groaning at the pain in his head, and in his neck from how he was sleeping. Dean laughed quietly. "Wake up, baby."

"I am awake," he muttered back, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands.

Dean laughed again. "Then let's get you into the hotel."

"You gonna come with me?" he asked as he sat up, still rubbing his eyes.

"'Course baby." Dean stepped out of the car, holding his hand out for Castiel, who slid out after a while, grabbing Dean's hand, his eyes nearly closed to block out the afternoon sun.

He groaned. "It's really bright."

"No it's not."

"Shut up and get me into the room."

"Snippy, baby. Are you really hungover?" Dean asked as they walked into the hotel. Chester handed Dean his room key before walking back out to the car to park it, and Dean went straight to the elevator. "Ohhh, I get another big room."

"Don't you always?"

"No, I mean a top floor room. A suite."

"So, a sizable space in which to have a stupendous, sexually stimulating, steamy scrap?"

Dean looked at him. "Did you just make an alliteration while… hungover?"

"I'm not hungover, I'm still drunk."

Dean laughed. "Drunk?"

"I tried, Dean," he muttered, turning to lay on Dean as the elevator shot upwards.

"It's impressive, Cas. Really."

"I essentially said we'd have a sexually charged fight in this room."

"I wouldn't doubt it."

The elevator opened and Dean stepped in. There were two rooms on the top floor, separated by a narrow hall, and Dean's was on the right. It was easy to find the room once he was in, it was straight through the back and to the left. The bed was as big as the one the night before, and Castiel pushed out of Dean's arms and straight to it the second his eyes fell on the cushy mattress. He face-planted on to it, and Dean followed suit. He kneeled on the bed beside him, and slipped an arm low around his hips, hoisting them up, reaching up with his other hand to unzip his jacket, exposing his chest.

Dean had hoped Castiel would roll over to make it easier when he dropped his hips back down, but the drunk man just grumbled, nuzzling his face into the cushion below him. Dean rolled his eyes and put his hands on Castiel's shoulders, sliding the leather jacket down and off of his body. Castiel whined.

"Dean, I'm cold now."

"Let me get your shoes off, then you can nap some more."

"Only if you say in bed with me."

"I can't baby," Dean said, pulling of Castiel's shoes. He sat down at the head of the bed, and Castiel wormed his way up to him.

"Why not?"

"I've got to get ready for the concert."

Castiel rolled on to his back. "I want to go."

"It starts at 7:30. Chester'll pick you up when you're ready."

Castiel smiled sleepily and raised his arms. Dean rolled down to lay beside him, and Castiel rolled into him immediately, snuggling up to him. "I'm gonna go to your connncertt."

"You sure are. I've got a song I wanna sing you."

"Right now?"

"No. At the show."

Castiel grinned. "I can't wait. Also you said you were going to your concert."

"I am."

"You're obviously just sitting here."

"It's hard to want to leave. You're cute." Dean leaned in, kissing Castiel's nose. "But also drunk. Here-" He rolled off of the bed and over to his suitcase, which had been brought up minutes before they had arrived. He opened the front zipper, pulling out some aspirin. He shook a few out and gave them to Castiel, who swallowed them dry. "Those'll help with your head. Sleep off the alcohol, then come see me."

"Okay, but you can't leave 'till you kiss me."

Dean grinned and leaned down, pressing his lips to Castiel's softly. "I'll see you in a few hours, baby."

"M'kay. See you soon."

"See ya, Cas."

Castiel waved weakly and smacked his head back down on his pillow, closing his eyes as Dean walked out of the bedroom and through the suite, downstairs to the car. Chester looked back at him.

"No Castiel?"

Dean shook his head. "You'll have to come back for him. He's sleeping off his alcohol."

"You mean hangover?"

"No. He's still drunk."

"But he just slept for three hours."

"And he'll sleep for three more."

Chester just laughed as he pulled out in to traffic, heading to Dean's venue a short drive away. Dean honestly didn't expect the outside of his arena to be so packed. Hundreds of fans lined the walkway when he opened his door, proving it impossible for him to get in simply. A few reporters from TMZ and other shows alike stood along the lines put up to allow Dean through, and he stopped to talk to them.

"Dean Winchester," a reporter from Extra called. "Dean, do you have a moment?"

"Sure thing."

"Great!" The blonde reporter smiled and gestured to the cameraman beside her. "So, Dean," she started. "We've got just a few questions for you."

"Shoot away," Dean grinned, relaxing in front of the camera.

She smiled again. "So, you're just now on the last leg of your year-long tour, how does that feel?"

"Great, really. It's been so much fun doing this. I've met a lot of great people, had a lot of great experiences, but I'm ready for a break. I was back in my hometown just a few months ago, but it'll be great to be  _actually_  home, even if it's just for a week."

"That's right! You start your American-based benefit tour just eight days after you finish this!" Dean nodded. "You excited for that?"

Dean shrugged. "It'll definitely be easier with this one. It's a little under three months long, so not nearly as stressful, which will be nice. It's also a lot simpler to meet new people when back in the home country, which is great. I love meeting new people."

She smiled once again. "That brings me right to my next question. That's for the great lead-up!" Dean nodded and she continued. "So, Castiel." Dean couldn't help but to smile at his name. "It's officially out from you that you two are together. This is true, right?"

"One-hundred percent. We've been together for a few months now, and it's been just great."

"And he came on tour with you?"

"He had to finish his classes, first, but he came right on out the day he was done. It was a surprise to me, which is why, I assume, there are videos of me pulling him to the ground floating around the internet."

"He surprised you?"

Dean rolled his eyes with a grin. "Yep. Collaborated with my manager and flew out here without me knowing. I'm more than happy to have him here, though. Probably the best surprise I could have gotten."

"Well, you two certainly are cute together. That being, is this you officially coming out? There've been rumors of you being… gay, for quite a while now…."

"Well, they aren't rumors. I've been with a number of guys before, not near as many women I've been with, but a decent number nonetheless. And, you know, call me what you will; gay, bi, questioning- I don't care. I'm with Cas right now, and that's who I want to be with. If we break up, and I end up with a woman again, then so be it. If it's another man…" Dean shrugged. "I'm not too concerned with labeling myself as anything. I'll be with who I want to be with."

She nodded. "Well said. I also think we can say that we're looking forward to you and Castiel being together for a long time, and that we've really enjoyed talking to you."

Dean nodded. "It's been a pleasure."

"It certainly has. Thank you, Dean."

"Nah, thank you," Dean finished with a grin. The camera stopped rolling, and Dean sauntered off with a nod. Another few camera crews got his attention, though they asked nearly the same questions. All were asking about his relationship with Castiel, and where it was headed, leaving Dean thankful when one of the stagehands came out to pull him in, telling him he needed to start his soundcheck. He waved to the few groups of fans outside, then left to go warm up.

* * *

 

Castiel woke up about five minutes before Chester showed up to drive him to the concert, and he couldn't have been more pleased with his timing. He popped a few aspirin again, then pulled on Dean's jacket, too lazy to go find an actual shirt to wear. It was awkward for him to be around Chester, well aware of what he had said earlier, but the driver clearly hadn't heard, and the self-made tension straining Castiel had faded within minutes.

When they got to the venue, Chester led him in through the back. "You can stay backstage, or you can go down to the crowd."

Dean had already begun playing, a few songs in to the setlist, so there was no time for Castiel to go see him. Chester had disappeared, but Castiel didn't care. He was sitting on one of the drum-set cases, legs crossed as he watched Dean play. He was so gorgeous lit up by the stage lights. What made others look so unflattering under them only made Dean shine brighter, and Castiel couldn't help but to lose himself in how lucky he felt to have someone who looked that way all to himself. Castiel sat back and watched Dean play once the warm feeling in his chest from his previous thought wore off, and lost himself again, this time in the music and how sweetly Dean's voice flowed through the speakers and out over the crowd.

Before he knew it the concert had ended, and Castiel had arms wrapped around him, and an all-too familiar smell surrounded him. "Dean," he huffed out the singer nearly knocking him off his perch atop the case.

"Hey Cas," he muttered near his ear, trying to be heard over the chants from the crowd.

Castiel looked up at him. "You were amazing. Really."

"Thank you, baby. You ready for me to go back out?"

"No," Castiel said, finally wrapping his arms around Dean, who hadn't loosened his own hold since he came off stage.

"Well, I'm gonna." He pulled back and Castiel whined.  _Just when he had gotten comfy._ "Listen carefully."

He leaned in to kiss Castiel before walking back out on stage, the roar of the crowd near doubling as he did. He grinned when he stepped up to the microphone. "This last song is gonna be a bit more calm. I wrote it, like, a week ago, and I feel it's about time I played it." He pulled forward his guitar, one which Castiel helped him pick out, which was resting on a stool a few feet away. He played on it for a moment before situating himself in front of the microphone. "This song is for someone super special, and sexy. But mostly special." He and the crowd laughed, and he began to play.

_When you're ready for love_

_And you've conquered your fear_

_And you wanna fall baby_

_Fall here_

_When you've had enough hurt_

_And you're tired of the tears_

_If you wanna fall baby_

_Fall here_

The crowd began cheering, and Dean smiled as he continued.

_You're broken and jaded_

_Say love's overrated_

_But I say boy ain't that a shame?_

_With all that he put you through_

_I can't really blame you_

_But don't let some fool give us all a bad name_

_When you're ready for love_

_And you've conquered your fear_

_If you wanna fall baby_

_Fall here_

_When you've had enough hurt_

_And you're tired of the tears_

_If you wanna fall baby_

_Fall here_

_Fall here_

_Right into my world_

_Let me catch you, boy_

_Let me be the one_

_Let me be the one_

_When you're ready for love_

_When you're ready for love_

_If you wanna fall I won't let you down boy_

_Oh baby let go_

He peered over at Castiel as he sang the last bit of the song.

_When you're ready for love_

_And you've conquered your fear_

_And you're tired of the tears_

_Baby fall, baby fall here_

_Yeah, baby fall here_

He peered over at Castiel as he sang the last bit of the song. The moment the final note was played, everyone began cheering, and Dean smiled, thanking them all for coming out. He went backstage once more, dragging his guitar with him, and once it was down Castiel had a hold on his shirt, pulling him in to a hard and deep kiss, one hand twisted in the thin fabric covering Dean, the other fisting in his hair. Dean had his hands on Castiel's hips moments later, kissing him back just as hard.

Castiel's breathing was ragged when he pulled away. "When the fuck did you write that?"

"About two days before you showed up? I was gonna play it for you over skype…"

Castiel kissed him again. "You wrote a song for me?"

"And about you." Another kiss. "I have more than that one, too."

With another kiss, it became apparent Dean needed to get Castiel back to the hotel, as he was trying to jump up on to him, there was simply too much around him to do so at the moment. Dean pulled back from the kiss and looked at him, trying to calm him down as they waited for Chester to pull the car around. Dean didn't have a signing this time, and he was grateful for that.

Both Dean and Castiel were out the door the moment Chester opened it, running through the cool night air to the car, their hands linked all the way out to it. Dean pulled Castiel in to through the door and on top of him as he fell back, kissing him. "If I knew you'd be like this if I wrote you a song, I'd have done it earlier."

"Shut up, Winchester," Castiel muttered, leaning down to attach his lips to Dean's neck.

"What's so great about a song?"

"It's hot."

"I sang about falling in love."

Castiel looked up. "Exactly."

Dean smiled and hooked his finger under Castiel's chin, pulling him up to kiss him, but Chester lurched in to traffic, sending Castiel flying against the car seat. Dean laughed, and Castiel glared at him, but started laughing shortly after. Dean was still flat on his back, so Castiel opted to lay on him until they got to the hotel.

Chester opened the door for them as soon as they arrived, and Castiel crawled out, holding his hand out for Dean, who grabbed it and slid out. They booked it in to the hotel, both calling "Thanks Chester!" over their shoulders as they ran. They almost knocked over a middle aged woman on their way in, but neither could care, because as soon as they were in the elevator, Dean had Castiel pinned to the wall, hands on his hips, sliding them and the jacket up, exposing a sliver of his skin as he worked marks into his neck.

Castiel was pressing as hard into Dean as he could, but his strong hands were holding him back. He growled a few times, and each time Dean nipped his neck. He was grateful for the release when the elevator doors slid open, and he was pulling Dean to the room, stepping back to allow him to step forward and unlock the door. He stepped behind Dean as he fiddled with the lock, pressing his body flat against Dean's, kissing the back of his neck and behind his ear

"Cas, that's a little distracting."

"Let me help you," he muttered, sliding his hands forward to cover Dean's, helping him slip they key into the lock, opening the door. He walked forward, kicking the door shut as as he turned Dean around in his arms kissing him hard as he grabbed his biceps and pinned him to the wall. Dean dropped the key to the ground, grabbing Castiel's hips.

Castiel laughed, breaking the kiss as he slipped his hands to the wall beside Dean's arms. "We always end the night like this?"

"What do you mean?"

"We make out like crazy, get each other really horny, sometimes talk a little to calm down, then fall asleep."

"Anything wrong with that?"

"No," Castiel resigned. "But why? Why do we do it like that?"

"I don't know," Dean shrugged, hands still holding Castiel's hips. "Maybe it's because we both want each other so fucking much that we can't help but to start leading up to sex, but we always stop because we know we're not ready to go all the way yet."

"Well maybe it's about time we're ready," Castiel muttered, kissing Dean. "Hmm?"

"Really?" Dean kissed Castiel in return. "Are you being serious, Cas?"

"Mhmm."

"Are you sure?" Castiel nodded, and Dean kissed him softly. "Let's wait a week, then. If you still want to go all the way, then we will."

Castiel blinked. "Why wait?"

"I want you to be sure you want this."

"Dean, I've wanted this for quite a while." He dropped an arm to grab one of Dean's hands, sliding it down the front of his pants. " _Quite. A. While._ "

Dean gulped. "Then you can wait another week," he said, pulling his hand back out of Castiel's pants, simply hooking his fingers around his waistband instead.

"But I want you now." Castiel fell quiet. "Do you not want me?"

"Cas, you know that I do.  _So bad_. I want you more than anybody I've even been with, or even fucking seen, for that matter."

"Then why should we wait?" Castiel asked, straightening himself up, stepping slightly back from Dean, the hand hooked around his waistband falling, though the one on his hip remained in place.

"Because, Cas. We've been over this. You deserve a perfect- at least as close to perfect as possible- first time with somebody, and I want that perfect first time to be with me."

"You make it seem like we're losing our virginities."

"We kind of are."

"How so?"

Dean shrugged. "This is the first time you'll have sex that isn't… practically forced, or so kinky it's violent, right?" Castiel nodded. "Don't you think it should be… special?"

"As long as it's with you, it will be."

Dean nudged himself away from the wall, stepping away from Castiel as well. He kicked off his shoes and slid off his pants, leaving himself in a t-shirt and boxers as he crawled on to the bed, resting against the headboard and holding an arm out to the side, gesturing for Castiel to join him, which he did. Dean rested the hand wrapped around him on his hip, letting Castiel lean his head on his shoulder.

"Are you totally sure about this, Cas?"

"Yeah, Dean. I am."

"Alright. Then let's talk about it."

"Okay. Let's talk."

Dean cleared his throat before speaking, rubbing his thumb in small circles on Castiel's hip, hoping to keep the conversation light. "You're okay with doing this before we're in love?"

Castiel nodded. "Yeah. This is new for me-truly feeling something for the person I'm with- and I'm not entirely sure what it is I'm feeling, but it's strong, and I know that I care about you a lot, and I know you care about me too… So, yeah. I'm okay with us not being in love, because Dean, honestly, what I'm feeling may very well be love."

"Really?"

Castiel shrugged. "Maybe. The only other time I was ever  _in love_  was with my first  _boyfriend,_ if you could call him that."

"The one you had a lot of sex with?"

"Yeah," Castiel clarified. "And even then, it wasn't even close to what I'm feeling for you right now. Truthfully, Dean, I don't even really know what love feels scares me."

"Don't be scared, baby."

"But what if I never fall in love? What if I do and don't know it?"

Castiel was tensing up, so Dean shifted on to his side, wrapping his arms around Castiel, holding him close. "Baby, calm down."

"Dean, what if I don't ever fall in love? What if I don't fall in love with you? I  _want_ to fall in love with you! What if I don't? What if I'm not capable of it?"

It was clearly a bad idea to start the conversation this way. "Cas, you're completely capable of loving."

"How do you know?"

"Because you have a heart, Cas. And though I haven't been with you long, I've seen how caring and loving you can be."

"But what if you're wrong!?"

"About you?" Castiel nodded, anxiety apparent on his face, and Dean couldn't help but to wonder where this conversation went bad. The topic of sex had long beed dropped, but Castiel's breathing was still growing harder, his eyes growing frantic. Dean rolled over more, nearly on top of him as he slid a hand up to cup his face. "Cas, baby, I know I'm right. Now breathe. Please calm down."

Castiel took a few shaky breaths. He reached up to curl his fingers in Dean's shirt. "I need you, Dean," he muttered after a while. "Hold me, please. I need you. Please… Please…"

Dean rolled himself practically on top of Castiel, and he pulled Dean flat down on top of himself much to his surprise. He brought his legs up to hook around Dean's, pulling him down even farther. He was breathing hard, body shaking, and all Dean could do was let him hold on as tight as he needed, a whisper soothing things into his ear.

"Baby, shhh. I've got you. I'm not going anywhere. Shhh. Just breathe, baby. Just breathe."

Castiel slowly calmed down after a few minutes, and Dean was able to roll off of him, resting beside him on the bed, hand pressed over his belly. "Do you feel better, Cas?"

Castiel nodded. "Yeah. Thank you, Dean."

"Baby, you gotta talk to me about this. I mean, what was that about?"

Castiel rolled his eyes over to look at Dean, then rolled them back to look at the ceiling. "What was what about?"

"Cas, you're not about to pretend that didn't just happen!"

"It's nothing."

"You just had, like, an anxiety attack over us potentially being in  _love_. That's not nothing."

"Can you just drop it?"

"No," Dean said, kissing Castiel's cheek. Castiel continued to stare at the ceiling. "I want to be with you, and if this is something that could happen often, then I want t-"

"-to break up so you don't have to deal with it?"

"-To know what to do and how to help you when it happens." Castiel still stared hard at the ceiling, though the rest of his body seemed to relax. "Can we talk about it?"

"It's kind of embarrassing, Dean."

"Why?"

"I just broke down over the possibility of being in love. Are you kidding me? It's fucking ridiculous."

"But it seemed rational at the time, right?" Castiel nodded. "Then it's okay."

"Doesn't stop it from being embarrassing."

"It shouldn't be. Not around me."

Castiel finally looked over at him. "So, what? Nothing is supposed to be embarrassing around you?"

"Right. Because I won't care, and I won't judge you for it, regardless of what it is?"

"So my embarrassment is unjust? At least around you?" Dean nodded, and Castiel tilted his head, kissing his softly. "You're a perfect boyfriend."

"I try to be. And to do so, you need to tell me what happened."

Castiel shrugged. "Like you said, just an anxiety attack."

"What sparked it?"

"You?"

Dean pulled a face. "You don't sound so sure about that."

"Dean, I wasn't lying earlier today. I'm scared of falling, because it's a risk."

"I know, baby. Love always is. It was a risk I wanted to take, and I'm glad I did."

"That doesn't stop me from being scared."

"I know, baby," Dean muttered, the hand over Castiel's belly pressing in harder as he leaned in to kiss him, Castiel still laying flat on his back. "I know it scares you, and I know it's a risk, but you have to decide if it's one you're willing to take." Castiel was silent, and Dean nodded after a minute. "Let's go to bed."

"We are in bed." Dean rolled his eyes and smiled lightly, working himself into the mattress. He lifted his arm to allow Castiel to roll against him, but Castiel shook his head, worming his arm around Dean, who immediately rolled in to him instead. "I wanted to hold you tonight," Castiel explained, kissing Dean's temple as the other snuggled in to him.

"I like being held."

They both fell silent as they started to drift off to sleep, but Castiel interjected, his voice soft, before either of them could actually do so. "Thank you, Dean."

"For what?"

"For putting up with me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, thank you for not leaving me when things get… weird. I mean, we went from making out passionately, to me freaking out about love. Just… thank you for not leaving me."

"Of course, Cas," Dean whispered, kissing Castiel's chest where his head rested. "I'd never leave you. I heart you."

They fell silent again, and it was another few minutes before Castiel spoke up, saying just a few more things before falling asleep, feeling more safe and at home then he ever had before in his life. "Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"The risk? You're worth it."

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I've hit a bit of a block with this. I said it was going to be short, and already it's looking like it's going to be a lot longer than I initially intended it to be... I have a plan for this, I'm just not sure how to get where I want to go with it...
> 
> That said, I'll definitely be continuing with it, don't worry, but due to the sort of... block I'm in right now, it may take me a while to get the next chapter(s) out. I know I say that a lot, but forreals this time. I feel like if I try to get them out in a timely manner, I won't be happy with it, and then I'll hit an even bigger block... So...
> 
> Anyway, do remember that I have a plan for this, and that I'm not abandoning it.
> 
> So, thanks for reading! And let me know what you think! It really does help to have feedback, be it good or bad.
> 
> :)


	5. Greece

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas and Dean are hungover

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEE
> 
> the song is Move Your Body, by My Darkest Days

Two more locations in France, then off to Italy, and finally Greece. There were only two weeks left in Dean's tour, 8 days once they got to Italy, four in Greece. France passed easily, and so did Italy. Dean's last concert there passed in a blur of free alcohol, fans willing to party, and a heated make-out session with Castiel leading to drunken cuddles and make-out sessions in the back of a taxi going to Dean's hotel in Greece, that the rest of his crew had checked in to while Dean was at the bar, from Albania, where they had wound up with a group of fans looking to party.

That had been an interesting night. Castiel's confession from a few night before had allowed him to open up and become more comfortable around Dean than he'd ever been with him, and that lax attitude followed him in to the public. Pictures cropped up that morning of Dean and Castiel absolutely plastered, and even more of them crawling in to the cab fully dressed, and coming out… not so much.

Dean had Castiel's shirt tied around his head, his pants opened and his belt gone. It was instead looped a number of times around Castiel's bicep, his belt and pants also undone.

Being completely shirtless added to the speculation fans were all too happy to supply, but people were more concerned about Dean's ripped open button-up donning Castiel's shoulders, a few buttons actually dangling from the cotton thread where they'd been torn off in a flurry to get his shirt off. Castiel's chest also held the words "Sexy Motherfucker" as well as an arrow drawn in sharpie down his body, pointing to his crotch.

Dean had hickeys on his neck and chest, and when they woke up the next morning with texts from their new found friends and massive hangovers, Castiel just gave him a few more.

It was a peaceful morning, really. After the initial horniness of both men wore off, they lay in bed nursing their hangovers in the darkened room, sharing kisses and cuddling, laughing on occasion just remembering what they could of that night.

The pleasantness stopped by a banging on the door, followed by Dean's manager pushing in before either man had the opportunity to get up and answer the door for him. He had a phone smacked to his ear, a voice coming through the other end. "Dean!" he called as he stormed in to the back room, dropping a bag on a side-table. "Are you serious? Do you know what you did last night?"

"Partied a little too hard with some Albanians?" Castiel laughed at that and rolled on to his stomach, hiding his face. Dean placed a hand on his back as he sat up, the other rubbing at his eyes.

"Well at least you know where you were."

"What's got you all in a bunch?"

"I'm on the phone with your publicist, Dean."

"So?"

"So?  _So?_ Are you serious, Dean? Do you know the kind of shit we've both been through this morning? No? Let me get you caught up. I got a call at about four in the morning from a tabloid asking me to confirm your participation in  _orgies_. That's right. Orgies. That sure was fun to deal with. Also the  _astounding_  amount of picture containing both you and Castiel in less-than family-friendly poses that I've had to sift through."

Dean cocked his head. "I don't recall kissing or being shirtless as less-than family-friendly."

"No," his manager agreed. "Kissing is just fine. Being shitless can be a little…  _risqué,_  for some people. But having your hand shoved down your boyfriends pants as you dry hump in a club, playing tonsil hockey for the world do see? Yeah, perfectly family-friendly."

Dean stared at his manager. "There are pictures out there like that?"

"Oh yeah, and they get a lot worse. There are a few of you two going in to a bathroom, but no one really knows that happened in there."

Castiel shifted on the bed, and Dean continued rubbing his back. Dean opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally resigning with a sigh, unable to add anything else. "I don't know what to say."

"An apology to me and your publicist here would be nice." The voice on the other end of the phone spoke, and Finn held up one of his fingers as he listened. "Apparently there's a lot going around, but it's not all bad. Some are appreciative of the fact that you get out and socialize with others despite the fact you're a celebrity of sorts, but the others are a little less… happy about the situation."

Dean cleared his throat. "I'm sorry you have to deal with this, but why does it matter what others think of me?"

Finn didn't know what to say. "Because bad publicity is… bad."

"Only bad if you care about it, Finn."

His manager rolled his eyes. "Dean, I wish you could see how serious it is."

"Others have done much worse than me."

Finn sighed. "We'll talk about this later, Dean." Dean had toned out of it all right then, focusing on the back of his boyfriends head down by his thigh, and Finn sighed again. "I'm not kidding." He turned and began walking out of the room, pulling his phone back up to his ear to speak, but not before calling over his shoulder "I brought you guys food. It's on the table." on his way out.

As soon as the door clicked shut, Castiel rolled on to his back, peering up at Dean. "There are pictures of me looking like  _this?_ " he asked, gesturing down at his body.

"Mhmm," Dean hummed, wiggling himself back down, rolling on his side. "You probably look damn sexy too." He kissed his nose. "You sexy motherfucker, you."

Castiel rolled his eyes, his voice scratchy. "I'm not a sexy motherfucker."

"Your chest begs to differ."

"You're the one who wrote it on there!"

"And how right am I? Very." He kissed his nose again before pushing himself up, stretching before crawling off of the bed. "Let's eat."

Castiel grumbled, rolling back on to his stomach. "Too hungover. Let me sleep."

"Cas, it's nearly two-in-the-afternoon."

"No."

Dean laughed, walking out of the room to get the bag Finn had left. Inside was a few wrapped up breakfast rolls and sandwiches along with four orange juice boxes fit to sustain kindergarteners. Dean rolled his eyes and set the bag back down, going in to the room. He crawled on top of Castiel, kissing the back of his neck. "Come on, Cas. You'll feel better if you eat."

"Or I'll just throw up."

"Or you'll feel better."

Castiel groaned and Dean kissed the back of his neck again before slipping off of where he was sitting on his back, letting Castiel roll over. The dark-haired man glared at him. "You're impossible."

"You heart me. I have proof."

 _When had he said that?_  "Do you now?"

Dean nodded. "Mhmm. I'll show you after you eat."

Castiel was curious now, so he pushed himself up, groaning once more when he did. "I don't want to be up."

Dean laughed and crawled off of the bed, going out to the main room. "I'll see you in a minute, baby," he called over his shoulder.

Castiel grumbled some more, rubbing his eyes with the back of his knuckles as he yawned. They both had taken some aspirin when they originally woke up, and it was getting to be about time to take some more. He scooted himself to the edge of the bed, and pushed up on his hands, flinging himself awkwardly to his feet. His arms spun in circles as he balanced himself, and then took a minute once he was still to compose himself before wobbling to the bathroom, then out to Dean. He was still shirtless, but he had lost his pants, the jeans he had fallen asleep in too uncomfortable to wear any longer.

Dean obviously hadn't felt the same, as when Castiel came back out, Dean was still in his clothes, his jeans unbuttoned and unzipped, and his ripped-open shirt still hanging off of his shoulders. He was sipping from one of the juice boxes, and Castiel sat down opposite of him at the small table. He tucked his knees up, and Dean passed him a juice box. "Feel any better yet?"

Castiel rolled his eyes. "I just got out here. And I could use some more aspirin."

Dean slid the bottle over to him, and Castiel shook out a few pills, downing them with a sip of juice. Castiel nodded at him in thanks, then dug in to the food Dean had split evenly.

He made it through one of the sandwiches before giving up. "I'm just not hungry enough, Dean. I don't want to throw up."

"It's okay, baby. As long as you ate something."

Castiel hugged his knees with one arm, the other reaching out across the table for Dean's hand while he finished eating. Once he was done he stood up, stepping over to Castiel, leaning down to kiss the corner of his eye. "What do you want to do?"

"Take a bath."

Dean grinned. "A bath?" Castiel nodded with a hum. "Why a bath?"

"Because I'm gross and far too tired to stand."

"Do you want me to start it for you?"

"You're coming in with me."

Dean laughed and stood up completely. "Am I?"

Castiel hummed and smacked Dean's ass, signaling for him to go start the water as he pulled one of the food rolls toward him, opening it and nibbling on it, trying to eat more food to appease Dean.

He had managed to finish his breakfast roll by the time Dean came back out, donned only in his boxers. Castiel could see the faint line of sharpie trapped under his waistband, and it piqued his curiosity. "What's on your hips?"

Dean looked down at his body then back up at Castiel. "You'll see soon enough."

That was enough for Castiel, who untucked his legs and stood up, meandering off to the bathroom, stripping himself of his boxers on the way. His shirt from the night before, which had been on top of Dean's head the last time he has seen it, was hooked on one of the lights decorating the vanity mirror in the room.

Castiel laughed as he stepped in to the hot water. "How'd it get up there?"

"I think I threw it up there so I wouldn't get sick on it when I was in here last night."

"So kind of you," he grinned, sitting down slowly, letting the water wash over his body. He thrusted out his hand for a bottle of soap, which Dean handed to him after a moment of digging around in one of his bags. A load of the soap was poured over Castiel's body and in to the water, and Castiel let it fester for a minutes before sliding under the water, washing all of the soap off of his skin, leaving bubbles behind as he reemerged, his face red from the heat.

He popped a few bubbles before gesturing for Dean to come join him, and Dean did so, slipping out of his boxers and in to the water. He hissed at the heat, but Castiel's hands were soothing over his shoulders, and he relaxed back into him after a minute, resting between his legs.

Dean was laying flat against Castiel, Castiel's arms wrapped as low around his waist as he could, thumbs brushing his hips. The tub wasn't small, the ceramic long enough to hold both of them, but it wasn't very wide, so Dean had to be held close by Castiel.

Neither of them really minded.

Castiel kissed the back of Dean's head, and Dean relaxed back in to him, head coming down to rest just below his shoulder. Castiel kissed his temple. "So, are you going to tell me what's on your hip?"

Dean grinned and pushed himself harder in to Castiel, lifting his hips a bit for him to see. There were black hearts scattered all over his hips and upper thighs, a messy, misspelled scribbling of ' _cas haerts u dean'_ written beside one of the hearts and a bruise Castiel must have sucked in to place.

Castiel flushed, and Dean let his hips rest again. "I did that?" Dean hummed. "Why?"

"Well, I went down on you, and I wouldn't let you go down on me, but then you brought up that whole 'you said we could have sex in a week' thing, and I said that we couldn't do anything until that day, and you got really mad, and smacked me, then you looked really hurt and then kissed me, and then got mad again and told me t-"

"I sound bi-polar, or something."

"Nah," Dean shook his head. "Just drunk and confused."

Castiel nodded. "Anyway…"

"Yeah. Anyway, you got mad again, and told me to stop being such an idiot. I was obviously confused, but then you kissed me and said you loved me. I said that was bullshit, then I think laughed a bit. You looked hurt so then we got serious, and you told me you really did love me, and I obviously didn't believe you. I mean, you'd been so scared of that exact thought just a day earlier, but then you kissed me and told me it might not be love, but you definitely hearted me, so then you dropped down and started drawing hearts on me. Oh by the way, we were pretty much naked at the time, in the bathroom at that bar-"

"We sucked each other off in a bathroom bar!?"

Dean grinned. "You sure know how to romance a guy."

Castiel shook his head. "I can't believe we did that…"

Dean shrugged. "And we weren't even shit-faced yet. Just… drunk." Castiel groaned, and Dean laughed.

"How do you even remember this?"

"You drank more than I did."

"I did?"

"You're a party animal, Cas," he said, squeezing Castiel's knee.

"I just haven't had enough time to adjust to alcohol yet."

"You're twenty-one, right? Almost twenty-two?" Castiel hummed. "That's long enough."

"Well some of us haven't had six-plus years to get used to it."

"Only six plus months."

Castiel nodded, then fell silent. "Do you ever feel weird about our age difference?"

Dean rolled his eyes to look back at Castiel. "Not really. I mean, at first it was kind of… weird. I didn't like that fact that I was almost… god, it sounds ridiculous, but like I was taking you away from your youth… It's only, like, six years, though, and I got over it, for the most part. Does… Does it make you uncomfortable?"

"God no, Dean. I mean, sometimes it makes me feel… inexperienced. You're twenty-seven, I'm… younger… But I wouldn't trade you for anything or anyone, and that'd stay the same regardless of your age. Unless you were forty. I think that'd make me uncomfortable."

Dean laughed, squeezing Castiel's knee again. "I'd feel a bit pervy if I were forty, Cas. But then again, having a sexy little twenty-something on my arm would be great. I'd show you off so much."

Castiel rolled his eyes, thumbs rubbing loops on Dean's hips. "I'm sure you would. But before you think more about fucking me as a forty-year old, I'm ready to get out"

Dean nodded and slid forward, letting Castiel get out. He bent down to kiss Dean's head before grabbing a towel, drying himself off as Dean washed himself with some of the soap Castiel had out before getting out of the tub himself.

Castiel heard the noises and movement behind him, but it was still a shock when Dean wrapped his arms around his waist, pressing in to him from behind as his own fingers slid through his hair, trying to tame it in a way he was satisfied with.

A kiss was pressed to the top of his shoulder as one of Dean's hands slid up to Castiel's hair, fisting his fingers in his bangs to spike them up before running his hand back to rest on the top of his head. "It looks sexier like that." He kissed the top of his shoulder again. "Do you think we'll still be together when I'm forty?

Castiel looked at Dean through the mirror. "I don't know, Dean," he finally said with a sigh.

"Do you want to be?" he asked with another kiss.

"I won't be young and sexy anymore," he warned.

"You'll be thirty-four, Cas. And even if you don't think you are, you'll always be sexy to me."

"Always?"

"Always."

Castiel looked away from the mirror, turning in Dean's arms. "Even if we break up?"

"I mean, I'd probably be mad at you, but I haven't been lying when I've told you you're the most gorgeous man I've ever seen. That probably won't ever change, even if we aren't together."

"Really?"

"Really," Dean muttered, leaning in to kiss Castiel. Their lips pressed together softly, and Castiel wormed his arms under Dean's and around his body.

When they broke apart, Castiel pulled his arms from around Dean's waist and slid them up to wrap around his neck. "Do you want to know something, Dean?" Dean nodded. "If the next thirteen years would be just like this- these past few days- then yes, Dean, I would want to be with you until you're forty, and even longer after that."

Dean kissed Castiel, and Castiel wrapped his arms tighter around Dean's neck, their lips parting open as they held each other close. When Castiel broke the kiss, Dean whined, but Castiel just wrapped his arms tighter around his neck, pulling his ear down to his mouth. "I heart you, Dean," he whispered, pressing his lips to his ear.

"I heart you too, baby."

* * *

They spent the rest of the day cuddling and watching movies on their laptops and whatever they could find on the T.V. that wasn't in Italian. When they finally did go to bed, it was nearly 3a.m., and the only reason they woke up was because Finn came barging in to their room for the second day in a row, telling Dean he needed to get up and go to his pre-show warm up.

He refused to get out of bed.

Finn was strong.

Castiel was left with three hours to himself, and a bed to remake. It took him a few minutes to find the duvet, Dean having pulled it with him as Finn dragged him out of bed. Castiel laughed. He thought  _he_ was bad when he woke up…

Castiel passed the rest of his time laying in bed and playing on Dean's laptop, his having died earlier that day. His attention was caught by Dean's background when he quit out of the game he had open. It was of him, the picture Dean had taken when Castiel was laying on the couch in his hotel room back in Lawrence.

He couldn't help but to stare. Dean always looked gorgeous. It was a part of him. But Castiel… Not so much, at least in his own eyes. The picture on Dean's screen made him gorgeous, just like Dean.

He gulped, and only snapped out of his trance when the screen faded to black, and Dean's screensaver came up. A few pictures of Dean and some others were tossed into the mix of pictures of the two of them floating down, creating a collage on Dean's screen.

Castiel smiled and watched the pictures scroll through. It made him feel warm inside to know that so many of the pictures included himself. It made him feels wanted, more so than ever.

After a while, Castiel closed Dean's laptop, and moved out to the main room. They both had agreed earlier, as Dean was being pulled out of the room, that Castiel wouldn't go to the concert, the high volume of it not a wise choice for one with a hangover headache, but Castiel still wanted to see it. Luckily, the hotel had access to the pay-per-view version of the concert, and Castiel had that turned on about halfway through the show.

Dean was smiling up on stage, waving to his fans. He cleared his throat and moved back to the microphone. "Do you guys like sex?" Castiel's jaw fell open, and the crowd went wild, screaming loudly. Dean laughed. "Me too. So, uhhh, this is a song about sex. Or about wanting someone, I guess

_You, you're hotter than a cherry on a cigarette_

_Bet every dollar mom's a model but you're better yet_

_Just 21 out on the run and turning every head_

_Your body's built just like a weapon and you're using it_

_But the devil can hear you when you say_

_C'mon and get up (Get up)_

_Move your body, use your body_

_Lose Control_

_Rub it right up (Back up)_

_Against my body_

_Take my body; make it yours (So get up)_

_We're gonna light this room on fire_

_Yeah you and I will burn it up tonight (So get up)_

_The two of us are gonna fuel this fire_

_No way in hell we're slowing down tonight_

Castiel swallowed hard. Dean's hips were rocking to the song and his shirt was open, mouth right up against the microphone as he sang in to it, eyes locking on the camera moving around in front of him in a timed manner, a smirk taking place right when it needed to. Castiel swallowed hard again. Dean was so hot.

_And just for fun we take your tongue and run it over my lip_

_You gotta love the way she does it for the hell of it_

_We're in positions that most people only say they know_

_You've got your hand right on a landmine ready to blow_

_But the devil can hear you when you say_

_C'mon and get up (Get up)_

_Move your body, use your body_

_Lose Control_

_Rub it right up (Back up)_

_Against my body_

_Take my body; make it yours (So get up)_

_We're gonna light this room on fire_

_Yeah you and I will burn it up tonight (So get up)_

_The two of us are gonna fuel this fire_

_No way in hell we're slowing down tonight_

_You want me tapping on your back door_

_You've got me tapping on your back door, baby_

Castiel's eyes widened, and so did Dean's smirk. That asshole knew what he was doing. This just wasn't fair.

_I've got you acting like you want more_

_Now that I'm tapping on your back door, baby_

_But the devil can hear you when you say_

_C'mon and get up (Get up)_

_Move your body, use your body_

_Lose Control_

_Rub it right up (Back up)_

_Against my body_

_Take my body; make it yours (So get up)_

_We're gonna light this room on fire_

_Yeah you and I will burn it up tonight (So get up)_

_The two of us are gonna fuel this fire_

_No way in hell we're slowing down tonight._

Dean winked at the camera as it swooped passed him. Castiel's cheeks tinted red. It felt like it was just for him. That wink, that song- every little motion, and movement, and fluctuation of his voice. It was too much. Castiel fell on to his side, tucking his hands between his knees as he curled up to watch the rest of the show.

When Dean returned to the hotel after his show, Castiel was still laying there, his hands still tucked between his knees, eyes staring at the TV, which had nothing on it by the title and credits to the song that was playing on the music channel it had flipped to automatically after Dean's concert was over.

Dean cocked his head. "What're you doing, Cas?"

"Laying here."

"Why?"

"You turned me on through the TV. The T. V.

Dean laughed. He crouched down in front of Castiel, bringing their faces to the same level. "You watched my concert?"

"Mhmm."

"And it turned you on?"

"That one song."

Another laugh. "That's helpful."

"I'm depressed now."

Dean dropped down to his knees to give his feet a break. "Why?"

"It's not fair. I could never turn you on that way."

"You're not depressed, you're just thinking too much. Trust me, Cas. You turn me on doing stupid stuff, too."

Castiel blinked at him. "Like what?"

"Like when you do that stretch thing, with your arms. You know-" Dean stretched his arms up. "You know. And when you run your fingers through your hair. And when you put on that belt that doesn't fit right and you have to tug really hard to get it tight enough, and you kinda thrust your hips forward to do it. And when you drink water-"

"What?"

"Yeah," Dean nodded. "When you drink water." Castiel laughed, turning his face to press it in to the couch. Dean placed a hand on his shoulder. "What's so funny? It's hot."

Castiel laughed harder. "Me drinking water is  _hot_?" he asked, voice muffled by the cushions.

"Mhmm," Dean hummed. He let Castiel laugh it out, waiting for him to turn his face back toward him before moving in closer. "Your throat does that thing… Just about everything you do turns me on." Dean smiled, then paused, listening to the music coming from the TV. He smacked his thighs. "Come on," he said, holding out one of his hands to Castiel as he pushed himself to his feet. "Let's dance."

Castiel blinked up at him. "Why?"

"'Cause I wanna dance with my boyfriend. Now come on. Dance with me."

With a sigh Castiel sat up, taking ahold of Dean's as he stood. Dean tugged his hand and pulled him in close as they backed away from the couch. Castiel rested his head on dean's, shoulder, and Dean leaned his head against Castiel's as their fingers intertwined, and their free hands found each other's hips. They rocked to the beat of the song, despite the fact that it wasn't a slow one.

They continued dancing even though the song had ended. Another one started, and Dean held Castiel closer. "I'm addicted to you. You know that, Cas?"

"Hmmm?" Castiel hummed in question. "Addicted?

"Yeah, addicted."

"And how do you know that?"

"I always need to be around you. When I'm away from you, all I wanna do is hold you, or kiss you, or just touch you, and when I can't, it hurts. Physically hurts."

"Hurts? Like there's a tugging in your stomach and it doesn't stop until you're with me?"

"Exactly. It never stops, but it gets worse when I'm away from you. And when I'm finally back with you, this… feeling kinda explodes. It's only ever happened with you, and god it feels so good."

"So being with me feels good? Really good? Like, it releases something that honest to god makes you  _feel good_?"

"Mhmm. You're my drug, Cas."

"And you're mine."

"You can have me as long as you need me, or want me…" Dean muttered, sliding his hand up from Castiel's waist to the back of his head, tangling his fingers in his hair.

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand. "Let's go for a walk?"

"Okay," Dean said as he pulled away, dropping his hand gently from Castiel's hair. Castiel smiled and dropped Dean's hand, moving into one of the back rooms to grab Dean's jacket, slipping it over his shoulders. Dean smiled. "You wear that a lot."

"I got so used to it while you were gone. You said you wanted it to be mine, and I didn't want to let it go to waste."

"It looks amazing on you, Cas."

"It's just a bit big, and makes me look small… But thank you," he added last-minute, seeing Dean's falling expression.

Dean smiled. "You accepted a compliment. Sorta."

"Sorta," Castiel agreed with a slight smile, walking to the door, leaving it open as he stepped out. He was halfway down the hallway when Dean caught up to him, stepping ahead to open the stairwell door leading outside.

They didn't take hold of each other's hands until they were down by a small river about half a mile away from where they were staying. Castiel's attention was thoroughly focused on the crystalline water and its reflection of the moonlight, however, so they didn't talk. Just walked in quiet peace, their hands swinging lightly between them with each step.

It wasn't until they hit a large tree that Castiel got excited. There was a knotted rope hanging from one branch, but Castiel ignored it as he dropped Dean's hand, nearly running down to the bank of the river.

Dean stood up at the top, slowly making his way over to the edge. When Castiel's head popped up over the horizon of the bank, however, Dean sprinted to the edge, afraid Castiel had jumped in the water.

He hadn't. Not into the water, at least.

There was a path of flat stones leading to a large boulder in the center of the river, one Castiel was aiming to get to. Dean watched him hop lightly from stone to stone, gracefully making his way to the large boulder without so much of a stumble. Dean blinked at him, moving down to the edge of the bank. "You're graceful, baby."

"Get used to sneaking around. You'll be just as good as me," Castiel responded, plopping down on to the boulder. He patted the expanse of stone beside him. "Come join me."

Dean laughed nervously. "Yeah. I don't think I can make it over there."

"Sure you can." He patted the rock again. "Please? I'll give you a reward."

Dean still hesitated at the bank, and Castiel shrugged. He leaned forward, untying and pulling off his shoes and socks. He slid down the boulder enough to put his feet in to the water, then laid on his back, staring up at the sky with one arm behind his head, the other draped over his stomach.

He seemed perfectly content where he was, and Dean felt he had no choice but to join him. It took him a few minutes to compose himself enough to hop across the stones, and it was slow going, Dean stopping after every jump to collect his balance before moving on.

When he finally made it to the large boulder, he flopped on to it, rolling on his back beside Castiel. After a moment, Castiel tore his eyes from the sky, blinking at Dean. "You came."

Dean nodded. "I almost fell."

"No you didn't."

"I thought that might get me sympathy."

Castiel laughed and rolled his eyes back up to the night sky. He held out the hand previously on his stomach to Dean, and the other ignored it for a moment as he took off his shoes. He slid closer to Castiel before laying back down, finally taking his hand, linking their fingers between them.

"You looking at the stars?"

Castiel nodded. "They're so… so… comforting."

"They are pretty."

"They're so much more than that, Dean.

"Tell me about them," he muttered, shifting to move his head closer to Castiel's.

"What do you want to know?"

"Whatever you want to tell me."

Castiel smiled. "Well, this one's my favorite," he said, tanking the arm from under his head to point up at it. He rested his arm back down. "It's Navi. Or Gamma Cassiopeia, if you want to get technical." He slipped his arm out from under his head again, pointing up at a constellation. "That's Draco, my favorite constellation."

Castiel continued talking about the stars and constellations, the histories and myths surrounding them, his eyes lighting up every time he started on something new, or when Dean seemed legitimately interested in what he was saying.

When Castiel was done, dean turned to watch him for a few moments, his blue eyes darting across the sky. He could watch Castiel watch the sky forever. "Why is Draco your favorite?"

"Because it's always there," Castiel said after a moment, his eyes not leaving the sky. "It's one of those that I look up to on one of those days when I jus… can't handle anything anymore. I know it'll always be there for me."

Dean didn't know how to respond, or if Castiel even wanted him to, so he remained silent, just watching Castiel. He didn't even think about leaving until Castiel pulled his feet out of the water to let them start to dry. He did the same.

They started talking again once they were back across the river and on solid land, heading back to their hotel.

"Are you gonna stay with me?" Dean asked after a few minutes.

"Hmmm?" Castiel turned his head to look at Dean.

"After this tour, are you gonna stay?"

"Dean, I'm not with you for the tour. I'm with you because I care about you, and I want to be with you."

Dean laughed quietly. "No, Cas. I know. I meant, where are you going when this is over?"

"Oh…" Castiel nodded in understanding. "Well, my flight home is the day after your last concert, and, well, it's to home."

"So you're going back to Lawrence?"

Castiel nodded, and Dean nodded as well. "I assume you're going back to LA?"

"Yeah. I can come see you, if you want. Or you can come out to me."

"I'd like that. Coming to see you."

"You'd love it out in LA. I've got a big balcony. You can stare up at the sky. You won't see stars, but airplanes count, right?" Castiel laughed, and Dean smiled, squeezing his hand. "And how about after?"

"After what?"

"My break. I start another tour in… 10 days? 11?"

"Oh. Yeah." Castiel had forgotten. "That's right."

"Yeah. Are you gonna come with me?"

Castiel shrugged. "I don't know, Dean. I mean, I can go until August, but then I have school again."

"It's all up to you, Cas," Dean said as they reached their hotel. He paused to open the door for Castiel, the two of them choosing to take the elevator up this time. "I mean, I'd love to have you come along, but it might be easier for you to just stay."

"It's be so hard to be away from you, though. I'd miss you so much."

"I'd miss you too, baby. More than anything. But we have to get used to it, don't we?"

Castiel nodded. "We do."

Dean kissed the side of his head as they arrived at the outside of their room. He opened the door, and led Castiel inside. "Think about it, Cas. It's your choice. We can talk more in the morning, okay?" he said, turning on Castiel once inside the bedroom. He dropped his hand and took hold of his hips, backing him back up against the wall.

His hands slid in, unbuttoning his pants, sliding them down, leaving Castiel in his boxers, who reached forward, tugging up on Dean's shirt, getting it up and over his shoulders. He tossed it on the ground before shimmying off Dean's jacket, then reaching forward to unbutton Dean's jeans, getting them off of him as well.

Dean was down to his boxers, but Castiel still had his tank-top on. Dean raked his eyes over his body predatorily before stepping forward, pinning Castiel to the wall with his hips, one hand sliding under his tank-top, the other holding on to his bicep as he leaned in, attaching his lips to his neck.

"Undressing you is my favorite thing to do."

"Oh?" Castiel tilted his jaw up, stretching his neck.

"Oh yeah. I love getting my hands on your pretty little body, marking you as mine, getting that little feeling I always get when I see you like this."

"Like what?"

"Shirtless. Naked. Not clothed. Every time I see you like this, it's like the first time."

"Liar."

"You have no. Idea." Dean kissed Castiel, sliding his hand up his shirt farther, getting it up high enough to pull it off once he broke the kiss. "How much you affect me."

"You'll show me one day?"

Dean pressed himself solidly up against Castiel, dipping his head to nip the top of his shoulder. "You know it," he mumbled against his skin. "But for now, how about we get into bed?"

"Please," Castiel muttered back, kissing under Dean's jaw. "That's my favorite thing to do with you."

Dean backed away from Castiel pulling him to the bed by his hips. He pushed him down to it as he crawled on. "What's your favorite thing?"

"Sleeping with you."

Dean smirked, flopping on to his side. He tucked himself under the blankets, waiting for Castiel to join him. When Castiel laid down on his back, Dean curled in to him, nuzzling his cheek on his chest. "Sleeping with me?"

"Mhmm. I like cuddling with you, and falling asleep with you, and listening to your breathing, and sometimes your heartbeat… It's calming, and I love it."

"Then I guess it's time we went to sleep."

"I guess it is."

Dean pressed a kiss to Castiel's chest. "I heart you, Cas. Goodnight."

"Good night, Dean. I heart you, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god so I dyed my hair and I AM FABULOUS HAHAHAHAHAHA I'M THE BITCH WITH THE BADDEST HAIR in my town of like, 400 people but really BAD BITCH
> 
> ok not really but I'm proud of myself so shh
> 
> ok so anyway, I'VE FINALLY GOT PLANS FOR THIS and I know for a FACT some of you will dislike it VERY MUCH but it'll all be good okay? ok.
> 
> So that being said, thanks for reading, and putting up with me! And let me know what you think 
> 
> :)


	6. Fireworks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel spend the 4th, and a lot more, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah ok so fair warning WARNING/SPOILER sex scene coming up sorry it's so bad i fucking suck at smut oops WARNING/SPOILER but really enjoy anyway

 

Dean's last words of the tour rang through both of their minds for the rest of the night, even as they laid together in bed, cuddling as close as possible. Castiel had his alarm set for early in the morning, though Dean had to be on the same flight as him back into the states.

It was a quiet morning, neither of them in the mood to talk, let alone be awake. They didn't say more than 10 words to each other until they were on their flight. Castiel had originally had a coach seat, but Dean managed to upgrade him. After bartering with a man, who finally agreed to change seats, they were able to sit together.

Their hands found each other immediately, but they didn't say anything until the plane was in the air. Dean turned to look at Castiel. "Have you decided what you want to do once we're back home."

"I want you to come visit me over the forth, then you can take me back to your place, if you'd like."

"Why the forth?"

"Nona has a lake cabin, and I go with her and a few others every year. I think it'd be fun to go out there with you."

"I'd love to go out there with you, Cas. And I'd love to take you home with me. But what about after my break? When the new tour starts?"

Castiel shrugged. "I think we need to… wean each other of ourselves. I mean, we can't get so attached that when I go back to school we can't handle it, and I end up skipping classes just to go see you. I can't do that. I mean… Maybe I can go to a few of your shows, the ones closer to Lawrence once I'm back in class, but I don't think I should officially go and stay on tour with you."

Dean nodded. "I think you're right."

"But I want to spend your break with you. It'll be hard enough to let go, don't make me do it sooner."

"I wouldn't dream of it, baby."

They leaned in, sharing a chaste kiss with a smile. Castiel grinned a bit more, then let go of Dean's hand, lifting his arm and sliding under it to nuzzle in to him. Dean wrapped his arm around him, running his free hand through his dark locks. Castiel closed his eyes as he relaxed, and before he knew it, he was asleep.

Dean didn't mind. He let his hand rest in his hair, the other occasionally stroking his hip. He was in the middle of tugging lightly on his hair when a girl stopped slightly in front of his seat. She looked to be in her early twenties, just like Castiel. Dean looked up at her. "Can I help you?"

"You're Dean Winchester, right?" Dean nodded. "And that's Castiel?" Dean nodded again. "Do you mind if I give you some advice?"

 _This is weird._ Dean narrowed his eyes. "Depends on what kind of advice it is."

"It's just… advice."

Dean's eyes were still narrow. "What is it?"

"I'd dump him, if I were you. Get yourself a nice girl your age."

Dean's eyes hardened, his hand tightening protectively over the sleeping man's hip. "Not gonna happen."

"Dean, there's only so much people are going to put up with this. You're not gay. You're not, and everybody knows it. Both of you should move on before it ruins your career."

"I'd rather have no career than loose him."

"You still have time to get out of this… relationship, and still be friends," she said, beginning to walk back toward coach slowly. "I mean, do you really want to loose him completely? Do you really think he'll stay if you're career's in the shitter?"

Dean glared at her. "He's not like that. He'd never do that to me."

"You think," she said with a shrug. "I still suggest you take my advice. There's only so much longer people will put up with this shit."

With that, she left, pushing through the curtains back in to coach. Dean's hard eyes never left her, nearly attempting to burn her to ash with just one look.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by Castiel's sniffing and curling in to Dean more. Dean looked down at him, fingers running through his hair. "You'd never leave me for not being famous," Dean muttered. He tried to avoid thinking about it, but the seeds of doubt had been planted. "…Would you?"

 

* * *

Castiel managed to sleep until their flight landed, but Dean didn't mind. Castiel was cute when he was asleep, which distracted him from the time well enough, and Dean was actually able to sleep a bit himself between the movies they showed.

After customs and all had been taken care of, and they had gotten in to the main terminal, Castiel had about 15 minutes before his plane left once they'd gotten to his gate. They spent the time in a solid embrace, exchanging sweet kisses in a corner until Castiel's flight was called over the speakers.

Dean walked him over to the line. "I'm gonna miss you, baby."

"I'm gonna miss you too, Dean. At least it's only until the forth. Two days."

Dean pulled him in to a hug. "That's two nights without you."

"I'll make it up to you on the forth, okay?" They called Castiel's flight.

Dean kissed his cheek. "I heart you, Cas. I'll see you soon baby, alright?"

"Alright. See you soon, Dean."

Castiel stepped back out of Dean's arms, letting his hand run down his bicep before he turned in line, stepping forward for the woman to scan his ticket. Dean didn't move until Castiel had disappeared down the gate hallway, and he finally knew what it was like to just stand there, unable to do anything as he walked away.

Paying homage to their first goodbye, Dean sent Castiel a text once he had wandered over to his own gate, about 20 minutes until they started boarding.

 **Dean:  
** I miss you already, baby.  _1:46p.m._

Castiel's flight had already taken off, Dean decided, as his boyfriend hadn't replied to him after ten minutes.

He wouldn't receive the reply until he landed in LA, turning on his phone to catch who and where his new driver would be. His phone buzzed a few times, but there was only one that he cared about:

 **Cas:**  
I miss you too, Dean.  _7:59p.m.  
_ But not as much as I'm sure you miss me.  _7:59p.m.  
_ I could… send you something, to tide you over.  _8:00p.m._

Dean bit his lip. Was Castiel being serious?

 **Dean:**  
God, yeah. I miss you so fucking much.  _10:03p.m.  
_ It's been like 6 hours, but fuck I miss you so much.  _10:04p.m.  
_ Babe, are you serious?  _10:04p.m._

 **Cas:**  
As serious as I've ever been.  _8:05p.m.  
_ I've taken a few.  _8:05p.m._

Dean bit his lip harder.

 **Dean:**  
Fuck.  _10:05p.m.  
_ Just wait until I'm in the car  _10:05p.m._

 **Cas:**  
Don't tell me what to do.  _8:06p.m.  
_ We're gonna play a little game. See how patient you are. _8:07p.m.  
_ Don't open this next text.  _8:08p.m._

Dean shoved his phone into his pocket, and it buzzed a minute later. He bit his lip. He knew what it was.

Unwilling to open it in public, Dean waited until he had his luggage, and found his driver. It was difficult, as at ever lulled moment he was stretching his fingers, anxious to grab his phone and see exactly what Castiel had sent him. Once he was finally in the car, he yanked it out, sliding the screen open to their messages.

It was clearly a picture of Castiel, so he opened it up to full size.

Castiel was laying on his back on what seemed like his couch, phone above him and angled, his head tilted the same way so he could see the screen. Pale moonlight and the faint light from his computer screen beside him lit up his body in an almost-blue light, making his wide and feigned-innocent eyes look even more blue than usual as they looked up at the lens. It took Dean a moment to look away from the gorgeous face he'd grown so accustomed to, but when he did, he was met with Castiel's naked body, his cock hard and resting on his stomach.

Dean bit his lip. Hard.

 **Dean:**  
Fuck, baby  _10:14p.m.  
_ Fuck you're so hot  _10:14p.m.  
_ So fucking gorgeous  _10:14p.m.  
_ Fuck  _8:15p.m._

 **Cas:  
** I take it you like it?  _8:15p.m._

 **Dean:**  
Fuck you  _10:16p.m.  
_ Fuck me  _10:16p.m._

 **Cas:**  
Did I turn you on?  _8:16p.m.  
_ Even just a little bit?  _8:17p.m._

 **Dean:  
** 1 new picture message _10:20p.m._

Castiel opened the image, biting his lip as he did. It was a close up of Dean's unbuttoned and unzipped pants, the swollen head of his cock pinned up between the waistband of his boxers and his stomach. It was clearly rushed, the rockstar not wanting to give away what he was doing to whoever his driver at the moment was, but it was hot nonetheless.

 **Cas:  
** Fuck  _8:23p.m._

 **Dean:  
** I want you, Cas _10:25p.m._

 **Cas:  
** I want you too, Dean.  _8:25p.m._

 **Dean:  
** Skype sex when I get home?  _10:27p.m._

Castiel couldn't wait that long.

Dean's phone began buzzing, and he picked it up, swiping his thumb across the screen to open the message, but when nothing popped up, Dean realized he'd answered a call. He covered the speaker and asked his driver to roll up the window before putting the phone to his ear. "Hello? Cas?"

"Dean," Castiel breathed out. "God, I want you. I  _need_ you."

Dean tucked his knees up on to his seat, turning sideways to rest against the door. "Cas, I'm in a car. With another person." Castiel moaned loudly into the phone "Baby, are you doing what I think you're doing?"

"Fucking myself? Yeah." Castiel moaned again, whimpering Dean's name.

Dean tucked his knees in closer. "Fuck, baby." Castiel moaned again, it catching in his throat. Dean bit his lip. "Fuck."

"So hot. Are you touching yourself, Dean?"

"I… I'm in a car, Cas."

"Touch yourself. For me."

Dean was biting his lip so hard it was drawing blood. "Cas…"

"Dean," he whimpered, and Dean was sold.

"Okay, Cas. I'm touching myself."

"Prove it- Oh!"

Dean looked up, scanning his eyes over the privacy window, ensuring his driver couldn't see. He shifted himself in his seat, stretching his legs out. He slid down his pants as little as he could, slipping his hands into his boxers. He turned on his camera, snapping a picture.

Castiel's phone buzzed, and he looked over, opening the picture. He bit his lip as he groaned. "Oh god, Dean." His breathing was growing harder, and Dean knew what was coming.

"You're so hot, baby. So fucking sexy," Dean muttered between Castiel's moans and gasps. "Are you close?"

"So close."

Dean waited a moment before pulling the microphone close to his lips. "Come for me, baby."

A few seconds later Castiel was calling out Dean's name. His breath was stuttering as he relaxed, slowly coming down from his high. "Fuck," he muttered after a few minutes.

"Fuck is right," Dean muttered back, shifting himself in an attempt to fix his pants as he felt the car slow down. "God, baby. That was so hot."

"You thought the sounds of me getting off was hot?"

"So hot."

"Now you're turned on."

"Yeah. I am. And you know what? I'm gonna take care of it when I get home."

"You're not home yet?"

"Just pulled up outside of my apartment."

"I'll skype you when you get in, then?" Castiel asked. "Because I'd really like to clean myself up, but I want to see you."

Dean grinned. "Okay. Say… ten minutes?"

"Perfect."

 

* * *

They talked until it was 2a.m. for Castiel, when he decided it was about time for him to go to bed. Dean saw him off to sleep before clicking out of the video call, immediately going to bed himself.

When he woke the next morning, his first inclination was to call Finn.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Finn," Dean replied.

"Dean? Can I help you with something?"

"Plane tickets?

Finn sighed. "I'm assuming to Lawrence?"

"Well, Kansas City, but yeah. Lawrence. I need to be there on the forth."

"Spending it with Castiel?"

"You know it."

"I'm not surprised," Finn replied. Dean could hear him opening his laptop, and the tapping of his fingers against the keys.

"Well, this won't surprise you either. I need my ticket to come back the sixth, as well as a ticket for Cas."

"Castiel's coming back with you?"

"Yeah."

"Is he coming on tour again?"

"Nah. He's staying behind this time."

"Good," Finn responded, though he immediately regretted it the moment it fell from his lips.

"What do you mean, 'good'?" Dean asked, voice growing hard.

"I mean- Dean, you need to talk to your publicist. He's been going off on me about a few things, and I'd… Just, please talk to him. Once you get back from Lawrence, talk to him."

"Is he in town now?"

"Yeah," Finn replied. "But I don't know if you're going to want to see him before you leave."

"I'm not scared of him."

"Then talk to him. Don't say I didn't warn you."

"I will."

"Okay," Finn finalized. "Alright. How does a flight out of here at 8:30a.m. tomorrow sound, and coming back on the sixth at noon?"

"So, I'll get there around noon, then get back home around three?"

"Yeah. You want first class?"

"That's fine. And yeah."

"Alright. I don't need to be on the phone with you, anymore, Dean."

"Okay. Thanks for scheduling this, Finn. I'm gonna go talk to Mitchell now."

"You do that. Bye Dean."

"Bye."

Dean clicked his phone off before shooting his publicist a text, heading over to his office building just a few minutes later.

Dean didn't know what he was expecting when he came in, but it sure wasn't this.

"You need to break things off with Castiel."

Dean froze. "Not gonna happen."

"It needs to happen."

"You're the second person who's told me that. What gives?"

"Second to say it to your face, I suppose," Dean's publicist agreed, sitting down at his desk. "Have you even checked your fansite recently? Or your twitter, for that matter?"

"No," Dean replied. His publicist patted his desk, gesturing for Dean to sit across from him.

"No? Well, if you had, you'd realize how  _pissed off_ people are about you two being together."

Dean's eyes hardened, his arms crossing. "Why should it matter what they think?"

"Because they're your fans! The ones who support you through everything: thick and thin."

"Cas does that!"

"They go to, and cheer you on, at all of your concerts."

"So does Cas."

"They've been there since the beginning."

"Cas is here now. And you don't know that he hasn't.

"Yeah? Well, does Castiel pay your bills?"

"He doesn't need to."

"Well, he will if you stay with him."

"What do you mean?" Dean asked, voice calming down from the height it had been at earlier.

"While some of your fans may be fine with… this, a lot aren't. Dean, they think you being with another man is… wrong, to say the least. Not that all are homophobic, but they think you're doing it for attention, or that Castiel's persuading you to say you're with him, and no one likes someone who's that weak."

"What do you mean, 'weak'?"

"That you're weak enough to let Castiel control you, or that you're weak enough to use the 'I'm gay' ploy to gain popularity."

"Neither of those things are true!"

"They don't know that."

"I can prove it!"

"Really?"

"I love him! I love Cas."

"Do you really?"

"Yes. I do."

"Good luck getting your fans to believe it."

Dean groaned, sitting back in his seat. "So, what? I choose between my career, and Cas?"

"Yes."

Dean shook his head. "I'll keep both. I'll get new fans, ones who support me, and my life choices."

"That's not going to happen."

"And why's that?"

"Because I'm giving you a choice, here; an ultimatum. Your career, and fans, and celebrity, and all your life has been for the past 8 years… Or Castiel."

Dean stared dumbfounded at the man in front of him, lips parted open in shock, unsure of how to answer. He barely shook his head. "I… I'll… I'll find a new publicist."

"Like any of them would take you. You're a liability to  _me_  right now, Dean. No one wants to take on a liability."

Dean swallowed hard. "Then I'll go without a publicist."

"What? And leave Finn behind?"

"Why would I get rid of Finn?"

"He's partnered with us," his publicist explained, and Dean's face completely fell. "You leave us, me, you leave him. And the record company will dump you just as fast," he explained once again before Dean could ask.

"How could they do that?"

"They won't need you anymore, and they'd refuse to keep you without representation. Not to mention they own the rights to your last album, the one you just finished recording. They could drop you, then release it after your tour. A farewell album, of sorts."

"And if I get a new label?"

"Good luck getting one that'll keep you anywhere near as popular as you are now."

They both were silent for a while, until his publicist cleared his throat. "Have you chosen?"

Dean blinked at him. "Chosen? Like, between Cas and music?" His publicist nodded. "No. I don't think I'll ever be able to."

"I don't want you leaving here without me knowing."

Dean shook his head. "You can't expect me to make a life-changing decision in such a short amount of time."

"What do you want me to do, then?"

Dean was quiet while he thought. "Give me my last week with Cas that I have scheduled. He goes home right after my kick-off concert here in LA. I'll decide then."

His publicist nodded. "So be it."

 

* * *

Dean wouldn't tell Castiel when he was coming in.

 **Cas:**  
Stop being a dick  _7:17a.m.  
_ Let me pick you up at the airport  _7:17a.m._

 **Dean:  
** No  _9:18a.m._

 **Cas:  
** Why not?  _7:18a.m._

 **Dean:**  
Because I want to surprise you  _9:19a.m.  
_ You got to surprise me _._  I didn't even know you were coming  _9:19a.m.  
_ You at least know that I am  _9:19a.m._

 **Cas:  
** How are you going to get here?  _7:20a.m._

 **Dean:  
** I'm driving. Give me the address  _9:21a.m._

 **Cas:  
** Fuck you  _7:22a.m._

Castiel's next text was the address to his friends lake house. Dean smiled.

 **Dean:  
** Thank you, baby  _9:25a.m._

 **Cas:  
** You better make it up to me when you get here  _7:26a.m._

 **Dean:**  
Of course I will  _9:27a.m.  
_ I'll make you feel real good, alright?  _9:27a.m._

 **Cas:  
** God, I hope so  _7:28a.m._

 **Dean:**  
Okay  _9:29a.m.  
_ I'll see you soon, baby, alright?  _9:30a.m._

 **Cas:**  
Alright, Dean  _7:30a.m.  
_ See you soon  _7:31a.m._

 

* * *

The flight had gone off without a hitch, and Dean landed in Kansas City about five minutes after noon. Getting his car had been just as easy, and he was off to Castiel's friend's cabin, exited to see his boyfriend once again.

When he pulled up and made his way to the front door, there was a handwritten sign taped to the front.

_Dean,_

_We're down on the shore. Feel free to go downstairs and put your bag, if you brought one, into the room with the pink door. That'll be you and Castiel's for the night if you stay._

_Come down to the shore ready to swim!_

_Oh, and to blow stuff up._

_-Nona aka Castiel's Confidant_

Dean rolled his eyes and walked in. It was completely empty, so Dean had no idea of how many people were actually going to be there, but the cabin was large, much more the size of a house than a cabin, but Dean didn't care. He made his way downstairs, finding the pink-doored room with little trouble, despite the fact that it wound through a few hallways.

It was more than worth it. Nona had clearly meant to make their room more secluded, and in doing so, gave them one of the best views one could want, a clear view of the lake and the area surrounding it. The front wall facing the lake was made of glass, but shrubbery and bushes made a barrier around their room, allowing for the perfect amount of privacy.

Dean couldn't wait to get Castiel up here with him. He loved it already.

But he loved Castiel more.

He wasted no time running out of the room after he put his swim trunks on and back upstairs to outside, finding the path down to the beach, which he took, skipping the wooden steps two at a time. He calmed down the closer he got to the bottom, trying to mask his excitement, which he did perfectly well by the time his feet his the beach.

Castiel was standing with his back to Dean, skipping rocks out into the water, trying to hit the side of the boat outlet on the dock, nursing a bottle of beer between throws. One of the girls down on the beach caught sight of Dean, and was about to call out to him, but Dean pressed a finger to his lips, trying to keep her quiet.

She understood, and once Dean knew she wouldn't talk, he gestured her over.

"Who are you?" Dean asked.

"Nona."

Dean nodded. "Heard great things about you." He looked up to make sure Castiel hadn't seen him before speaking again. "Wanna help me do something?"

She nodded.

A minute later, they were creeping over to Castiel, gesturing for the others around them to not say anything. When they were close enough, Nona stepped forward, wrapping one arm around Castiel's waist, the other going up to cover his eyes. Dean grabbed his hips, slipping one arm between Nona and Castiel.

"Guess who," Nona said near Castiel's ear.

Castiel's vision was nearly blackened by her hand. "Uhhh, Cthulhu?" Nona laughed, and Castiel guessed again. "Nona with an extra pair of arms?" Dean stepped in closer, pressing his cheek to Castiel's, rubbing up and down. "Wow. I'm impressed with your ability to grow facial hair so quickly."

Dean rolled his eyes. "Stop being such a smart-ass."

"Dean?" Nona stepped back, dropping her arms from Castiel as he turned to look at Dean. "Dean!" He cheered, stepping forward, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck, kissing him hard.

Dean laughed into the kiss, stepping closer, his hands sliding over his hips to hold him tighter. The group behind them began to cheer after a while, and Dean and Castiel pulled away with grins, laughing slightly. Castiel dropped one of his arms, turning to his group of friends. "My boyfriend's a great kisser!"

The group cheered again, and the two of them made it over to them, all laughing.

Dean felt awkward at first, but with Castiel by his side, and the couple making out on a lawn chair right next to their group easing his worries about PDA, he merged into the group flawlessly.

They were fun and interesting. And unique in how they looked. All of them either had piercings, tattoos, creative hair-colors and styles, or some mix of the three. Except Castiel.

Dean brought it up. "How come you don't have anything fun like that?"

"I used to have piercings."

Dean paused. He stood to Castiel's side, arm draped around his waist, beer in his free hand. He looked at him. "No."

Castiel nodded. "Yep."

"Where?"

I had one in my ear, but I got rid of that. And then there was my tongue piercing."

If possible, Dean froze. "You had a tongue piercing?" Castiel nodded. "How long ago?"

"Got rid of it about a month before I met you." Dean stared hard at Castiel, and Castiel stared right back at him. "Why are you staring at me like that."

"That's hot."

"Oh, he was so hot," Nona called from the cooler she was sitting on. "With the tongue ring?" Everyone nodded and murmured in agreement.

Castiel's face flushed. "Not really. She's over-exaggerating."

"Everyone seems to agree you were pretty damn hot with it, Castiel. Not that you're not still hot, but… you know."

Dean was still staring hard at Castiel, and Castiel finally looked back over at him. "Stop that."

"I can't. I can't stop imagining you with one."

"You don't have to imagine," one of the guys behind Nona said, pulling out his phone as he walked forward. He was scrolling for a minute before tapping on the screen, turning it around to show Dean.

Castiel looked exactly the same as he did now, despite his clothing, which was quite different from his usual attire, especially the opened button-up wiht nothing underneath and low-slung black pants. Dean assumed he had still been with his ex at the time. His hair was just a bit longer than it was now, and his tongue was sticking out, a very visible barbell through it.

Dean bit his lip. "Fuck…"

"Hot, right?" the guy holding the phone said. Dean nodded numbly.

"Dea-"

Dean slid his arm up from Castiel's waist to around his neck, tuning and pulling him in to a kiss without warning, his tongue pushing into his mouth, sliding against Castiel's immediately. He moaned into Castiel's mouth, and the group cheered once again. Dean could feel Castiel's flush on his skin, but the other was making no move to pull, away, so he continued.

It was a good minute or two before they finally broke apart, both panting hard.

"God, that's so fucking hot. You're so fucking hot," Dean breathed out, his arm still keeping Castiel close. Castiel was still breathing hard, so Dean tightened his arm, pulling his head in close enough to kiss his forehead.

A while later it was suggested that they go out on the boat, and all of them were in favor of doing so. The speedboat was large for its class, leaving plenty of space for all of them, but Castiel chose to nestle himself right between Dean's legs, laying back on him while the other's arms wrapped around his waist.

The couple who had been making out earlier joined them, though they just resumed making out the second they were seated. Dean leaned forward to speak in Castiel's ear. "We're not that bad, are we?"

"No," Nona said, overhearing Dean's words. "Those two fuck like rabbits though, could you blame them for doing it here too?"

The girl in the couple flipped them off, and all on the boat laughed. Castiel shifted himself on top of Dean, scooting farther up his body, but Dean didn't mind. He tilted his head, kissing the crown of Castiel's before resting his chin on top of it.

They had been boating for a while by the time Castiel pulled out his phone, flipping on the camera. He smiled lightly at it, and Dean smiled as well. Castiel snapped the photo, and Dean shifted his head, kissing the top of Castiel's once again. Another photo. Dean wormed his head down, kissing Castiel's cheek. A third photo. One more photo of them kissing, and a final one by Nona of them cuddling, and Castiel was done, slipping his phone back in his pocket.

He relaxed in to Dean, covering the hands over his stomach with his own. "Thank you for coming out here, Dean."

"I wouldn't have missed it for the world."

Castiel smiled and slid a bit down Dean's body, pressing his cheek to Dean's chest as he looked out at the fast-passing water.

Once they returned back to the dock, they all decided it was about time to swim. Castiel was the first to get in, taking his phone out of his swim trunks and grabbing one of the walled float-mattresses, tossing it in the water, running and bellyflopping on to it.

The raft slid away from the dock, and Castiel shifted himself slowly around, laying on his back. Dean laughed. "You look like you're going to sleep, Cas," he called when Castiel put one arm behind his head, the other across his stomach.

"Why do you think I grabbed the one with walls?" he called back, pushing the sunglasses on top of his head down over his eyes.

Dean laughed again and sat down on the edge of the dock, dipping his feet into the water, letting the waves smack up against his calves while the others jumped into the water behind him, messing around in the shallower water.. A few minutes later, Nona was plopping down beside him, her legs sliding in the water as well.

"You're good for him, you know that?"

Dean looked over at her, tearing his eyes away from Castiel. "Am I?"

She nodded. "You make him happy. Happi _er_ , at least."

"I'd hope so. After all of the shit he's been through… He deserves to be happy."

"You make him happy," she said again. "I mean, ever since he met you, his depression's calmed down, he smiles mor-"

"-He was depressed?"

She nodded. "Still is, I think. He's never actually told me that he is, but it's pretty obvious. I used to see his medication bottles, and he slept so much. He'd go to class, then go straight home and to bed. Hell, he's sleeping right now… You know that… that festival that went on when you two first met?" Dean nodded. "That day was the first time I'd seen him out to do anything aside from hide from his exes in movies theaters or in trees in the park-"

"-He hid in trees?"

Nona huffed out a laugh. "Yeah. It's a pretty great thing to watch him do, when he's not hiding from an ex."

"I'd bet. Great view of his ass."

"So great," she laughed, leaning back on her hands. "But, you know, he was out  _doing_ something with  _people_. With  _us._ And everyday I saw him after that… his eyes looked brighter, and he smiled more, and I couldn't for the  _life of me_  understand why someone like you would be able to have the effect on him you had. You know, you're a great guy, as far as I've seen, but you're a rockstar. I didn't know you two would be together once you left, and after what he's been through… He hasn't told me everything about his exes, I doubt he ever will, but I know he has trust issues, and for him to open up to you, and for you to have an impact on his life so fast…"

"It was weird?" Dean supplied.

She nodded. "Yeah. But you're clearly good for him." She was quiet for a minute. "Do you… Do you love him?"

Dean turned his eyes back to Castiel. One of the guys had swam out to his raft, tying boat-rope on to it to keep if from floating out too far from the dock. He could seen Castiel shift on to his side, and Dean smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, I do love him."

"Have you told him?"

Dean shook his head. "I gotta tell him at the right time. I… I don't know how he'll react."

"Won't he be happy?"

"I don't think he'll believe me," he admitted.

"Trust issues?"

Dean nodded. "He might think I'm lying. I need to tell him when he won't freak out on me, or where it's not embarrassing for him if he does."

"Embarrassing for him?"

"It wouldn't embarrass me."

"Why not?"

"Because it's something Cas can't help, and being embarrassed about something like that is like being ashamed of him, and you shouldn't be ashamed of people you love."

Nona was smiling lightly at him. "He's always deserved someone like you, and now he finally has one… Please don't hurt him, Dean. He may not admit it, or even know it himself, but I think he loves you too. If you hurt him, and he loves you the way I think he does… Just… Don't. It'll kill him."

"I'll try not to."

"What do you mean 'you'll try'. Just don't."

Dean shifted to look back at her. "I… I'm going to tell you something. Promise me you won't tell Cas."

She stared at him for a while, but finally nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?" She nodded again. "Okay. My… My publicist wants me to break up with him. Says he'll drop me and I'll lose everything if I don't."

"And you haven't chosen yet?"

"It's a hard choice," Dean said, and she nodded in agreement. "If I knew that we'd last forever, that nothing would go wrong with us, it wouldn't even be a question, but…."

"But you don't know that it's forever."

"Exactly. What if I give it all up for him, and he leaves me in a few months? Or something happens? Then I'm completely alone, and have nothing, and for what? Two more happy months with him? But I love him. What if we could last forever, and I give him up, and ruin something so good for a career that led me to him in the first place? I… I…"

"It's a hard choice."

Dean nodded. "Very hard." He took a deep breath, rolling back to put his feet on the dock. "This has been… deep. I'm gonna get Cas to come swim with me."

"Wait! Dean." She reached up to grab his arm as he'd already begun to stand. He stopped. "Why does Cas always have his shirt on?"

"I'm not sure if I'm the one to tell you that."

"Does it have to do with his past?" Dean bit his lip and nodded, and she nodded too. "I understand. Maybe he'll tell me someday."

"Or maybe you just need to ask." She looked up at him as if the thought had never occurred to her, and Dean smiled. "You're his best friend, as far as I'm concerned. I'm sure he'd tell you. Just ask at the right time." She nodded and Dean grinned again. "Now, I'm gonna go get my boyfriend."

"You do that," she laughed, watching as Dean dove off the dock, sliding through the water. He came up and began swimming out to Castiel, who was asleep in his raft, laying on his back once again.

Dean put his hands over the edge when he got out there, kicking harder in the water to look up over the edge. Castiel was sound asleep, his cheeks and the tip of his nose more tan than the rest of his face, but he was developing a nice glow. He still had his shirt on, however, the black-ribbed tank-top clinging tightly to his skin. "God you're hot," Dean muttered before kicking very hard in the water, pushing himself up and over the edge of the raft, nearly tipping it over. He landed right on top of Castiel causing him to startle awake with a gasp, and for a few laughs to come off of the dock.

Castiel groaned once he considered himself awake enough. "Dean? What do you think you're doing?"

"I think I'm being adorable," he said with a grin, wedging himself between Castiel and the edge of the raft, his head resting on his shoulder. He reached up and pulled Castiel's sunglasses off of his face, pushing them in to the pocket on his swim trunks.

Castiel looked at him out of the corner of his eyes, his voice scratchy as he spoke. "Really? Because all I think you're doing is being a little shit and getting me wet."

"I could be worse and get you wetter."

Castiel's eyes widened. "You wouldn't dare."

Dean grinned manically, holding tightly on to Castiel. He began to roll. "Rock the booooooaaat!" he shouted, rolling toward Castiel, then back, then toward him again, finally tipping them and the raft over on his fourth roll.

The splashed into the water, and Dean could hear Castiel's yelp from underneath, probably from the cold water. Dean kicked himself back up, propping his arms on to the raft to stay afloat while he waited for Castiel, who popped up a second later. He was glaring at Dean. "It's fucking freezing!"

"Feels good, babe."

Castiel was still glaring. He smacked the water, sending a wave of it at Dean. Dean laughed, splashing Castiel back.

Castiel's eyes narrowed, if possible, and he dunked himself underwater. Dean pulled himself up higher to see over the edge of the other side of the raft, but he couldn't spot Castiel. Dean frowned. Where had he gon-  _Oh_!

Castiel had grabbed Dean's leg, pulling him underwater with no warning. He laughed when he came up on the other side, quickly swimming back to the dock. Dean laughed and followed after him, getting there just a few seconds later. Castiel had climbed up on to the dock, and Dean did so too, grabbing Castiel around the waist before he could get away.

"I'm not done with you yet," he said pulling him over to the edge.

"No Dean! No! No! Dean do-"

"In you go!" he cheered, spinning Castiel around, throwing him in to the water.

Castiel yelped as he was thrown, glaring at everybody who was laughing when he popped back up. Nona stepped to Dean, placing a hand on his shoulder. "Oh god, that's hilarious."

"Oh really?" he asked, stepping to grab her around the waist. She yelped. "You get to go in too," he laughed, tossing her in as well.

Both Nona and Castiel were glaring up at him, and Castiel swam over ot her, whispering in her ear.

"Conspiring against me?" Dean asked before tilting his head back laughing. the two of them grinned and hopped out of the water, stepping behind Dean. They began to push him, but Dean just leaned back into their pushes.

They overpowered him, however, and he went toppling in to the water as they shouted "Vive la Révolution!" behind him. They began laughing as Dean popped out of the water, and Nona blocked his way up by the ladder.

"You've been kicked out of France," she explained. "the Revolution won."

Dean rolled his eyes and reached up, grabbing Nona's shoulder, pulling her over him and in to the water, taking the opportunity to climb out.

They continued messing around, the others coming over to join them for a while before they all had had their fill, deciding to get out and dry off.

they all laid in the setting sun, their skin lightly tanning for the next hour before two of the guys decided to go start the barbecue. Nona decided to follow along, leaving the two couples alone, the other pair deciding to go back to their original lawn chair.

As soon as they were gone, Castiel was crawling over to Dean, straddling his hips, fingers running up and down his abdomen as he smiled lightly at him.

Dean smiled back. "Hey, gorgeous."

"I'm not gorgeous."

"Yeah you are."

Dean started to sit up, so Castiel moved back to his thighs. Dean held open his arms once he was up, and Castiel leaned forward in to his embrace. Dean splayed his hands out over his back, holding him close. "I didn't get to hug you earlier."

"I was too busy kissing you."

"I'm not complaining about that."

"I just missed you a lot."

Dean laughed lightly. "It was only two nights."

"You missed me too!"

"So much, baby."

Castiel pulled back from the hug. He brought his hands up to Dean's neck, cupping it as his thumbs began rubbing at his jaw. His eyes were searching Dean's face, and his lips quirked up after a minute. "You have freckles," he said quietly.

Dean didn't respond, and Castiel leaned in, pressing kisses as light as a feather to the freckles littering Dean's cheeks and nose. Dean's eyelids fluttered shut, some of his eyelashes brushing Castiel's skin.

Castiel didn't stop, continuing to press fleeting kisses to every freckle he could see on Dean's skin. He pressed soft kisses to his closed eyelids when he was done. He dipped his head down, brushing his nose against Dean's. "What do you say we go join the others," he muttered.

Dean tilted his head up, capturing Castiel's lips with his own. "You're  _mine_ ," he grinned when he pulled away.

"I never said you weren't."

Dean shrugged. "I've been wanting to do that all day." He waited a moment, then nodded. "Okay. Let's go."

The food was great, and Dean was more than happy that he got a burger. Castiel, of course, rolled his eyes.

" _You're gonna die if you eat any more of those."_

" _Then I'll die a happy man."_

" _Meh," Nona said. "He'll just work it all off fucking you later."_

They both had choked at that, but the moment passed, and before they knew it, they were back out on the boat again, a small cooler of beers with them. Castiel and Dean were sitting how they had been before, though Castiel's shirt was rolled up over his stomach, Dean's hands pressing down over the exposed area, glad to have contact with Castiel's bare skin.

"So," one of the guys said. "Story time." Everyone looked at him, confusion apparent on their faces, and he rolled his eyes. "Like a campfire, but, you know, no fire."

They all nodded, and began talking, telling stories relating to the last one told.

"So, what I want to know," Nona called from the front. "is, what was your first time like?" she asked Dean and Castiel, who both flushed.

After a few moments of them sputtering out nothing but absent mumbles, Nona looked back at them. "Have you two… not…"

They both shook their head. "No, we haven't…" Castiel replied.

"You haven't had sex?"

"Not with each other."

"What!?" Nona said. "What are you waiting for?"

"The right time," Dean explained, nuzzling his nose in to Castiel's hair.

"Any time would seem like the right time for you two! God, look at you! Every thing you do with each other is sexually charged. Like, right fucking now. Castiel, how do you not have a hard-on right now? Or do you?"

Castiel flushed, and they all laughed, giving Dean the opportunity to lean his head forward whispering in Castiel's ear. "Do you? 'Cause I do."

Castiel gave a subtle nod, and Dean grinned, sitting back up, pressing a kiss to his hair.

They continued on the boat, telling tales of first times until the first few bangs of fireworks. That's when they decided to head back.

Dean and Castiel let the other guys have fun lighting off their stash of fireworks, and Dean was left in awe watching the whole lake explode in balls of color in the sky. Seemingly every house along the bank was lighting off big boomers, decorating the night sky.

It was a while before Dean finally looked down at Castiel, who was situated on top of his lap, the two of them laying back in one of the lawn chairs. He was staring up at the sky, but not toward the guys in front of them, preparing to lights off ten fireworks at once, nor toward the rest of the lake. No, he was looking back at the dark and empty sky behind them.

Dean leaned forward, whispering in his ear. "Looking at the stars?"

Castiel nodded, resting back on Dean so he wouldn't have to lean forward. "Much prettier than fireworks."

Of course Castiel was looking at the stars.  _Of course he was_. Dean smiled. He loved how much Castiel loved the stars. He loved how much Castiel loved. He loved Castiel. He huffed out a laugh. "Just one of the reasons," he muttered to himself.

Castiel blinked. "Of what?"

 _Fuck_. Well, no time like the present. "I love you."

Castiel froze, and Dean leaned forward, kissing by his ear. "Baby, don't freeze up."

"I…" Castiel murmured. "I… you. I-…You-"

"I love you." Castiel was still sputtering, so Dean brought one of his hands up, gently guiding Castiel to actually look at him. "I love you, Cas," he murmured, keeping his voice low. "I love you. I. Love. You."

Castiel was staring at him, and Dean shifted the both of them around in order to hold his face with both hands. He waited for Castiel to respond. "You… Love me?"

Dean nodded, a small smile on his face. The guys on the dock lit off some more fireworks, but they didn't even notice. "Yeah, Cas. I do."

The corner of Castiel's lips quirked up. "You love me," he whispered.

"I love you."

Castiel smiled more, and leaned in, kissing Dean with all he had, his hands sliding under Dean's arms to hold on to his ribs, his fingers digging in to his shirt, balling the cotton in to his fists.

Castiel whimpered quietly and broke the kiss, falling to his side on Dean, curling in to him. Dean dropped his hands from his face, holding him close.

Nona looked over at them, seeing Castiel nuzzling himself in to Dean's chest, Dean looking down at him adoringly. When Dean looked up, he smiled at her, and she nodded once, grin still in place as she looked back to the guys lighting off fireworks.

When they were done, they all retreated back to the cabin, Castiel dragging Dean to their room without a single question. Once at the pink door, he pushed Dean in, letting go of his hand for the first time in over an hour. He stepped into the room, closing the door behind his back quietly, backing himself up against it as it clicked shut.

He looked up at Dean after untying his trunks. "I want you, Dean," he muttered, just barely loud enough for Dean to hear.

They both were illuminated by the moonlight floating through the glass walls. Dean was turned on just by Castiel's silhouette making his way over to him, his hips rocking as he reached down, pulling his shirt up and over his shoulders, dropping it on the ground. Dean placed his hands on his hips once he was close enough, and Castiel continued walking forward, locking his lips on to Dean's as he knocked him down to sit.

Dean slid his hands forward to cup and squeeze Castiel's ass, pulling him closer. Castiel rolled his hips forward and broke from the kiss, pressing soft and loose kisses down Dean's neck and jaw. "I want you, Dean. I  _need_ you."

"You have me," Dean responded, squeezing Castiel's ass closer and into a roll again, rolling his hips back up against his.

"Any way I want you?" he asked, hands dropping down to Dean's hips, sliding up and under his shirt, tugging it off of him once it was high enough.

"Any way you need me."

Castiel cupped Dean's face, pushing in to him as he kissed him, slipping his tongue into his mouth. Their tongues slid together smoothly, Castiel whimpering every once in a while.

Dean broke away. "Why do you whimper when we french kiss?"

"Because it feels good."

"That good? Really?" Dean pulled Castiel in to another kiss, rolling their hips together, slipping his tongue back in to Castiel's mouth, earning a whimper. He continued rolling his hips, slipping one hand in to Castiel's trunks, slipping the waistband over the round of his ass as he squeezed, rolling his hips once more.

They fell into a steady rhythm, Dean continually pushing on Castiel's ass to keep him close. Castiel had his hands braced on Dean's face and neck, holding him close. He was panting in his ear after a while, so Dean moved his own head back to rest their foreheads together.

"Oh my god," he gasped, earning a forehead kiss from Castiel as the other slowed down their pace.

"Dean, what do you have with you?" Dean didn't respond, so Castiel explained. "Lube? Condoms?"

"I've got a small bottle of lube. That's it."

"I've got lubed condoms, but I… I don't know how well they'll work." Their hips rolled together perfectly, and they paused the conversation to gasp, Castiel dropping his head to kiss Dean's jaw while he took a quick moment to calm down.

"Maybe we should wait?"

"I'm not waiting one more fucking day for you, Dean. I want you, and need you,  _now._ You're the one fucking me, and if I say it's enough, it's enough."

Dean didn't argue with that, pushing Castiel lightly. They both stood, parting with a kiss to their own bags.

When they turned back toward each other with what they needed, Dean was pleasantly surprised to see Castiel sans-pants. He popped open the top on the lube, dipping a few of his fingers in, stepping to Castiel. The arm holding the bottle wrapped around Castiel's neck, pressing in to his head, pulling him close as his other hand went straight to his ass, his middle finger slipping knuckle-deep in to him, the other fingers massaging lightly at his cheeks.

Castiel gasped sharply at the feeling, but Dean was quick to be muttering soothing things in his ear, relaxing him quickly. After a moment, he continued, pulling out then pushing back in up to his knuckle, repeating the process, going deeper each time until he felt the lube begin to dry up on his finger.

"Go lay on the bed, baby. Ass up." Castiel complied, and Dean followed him there, lubing up his fingers once again. He leaned in, kissing one of the cheeks as his finger slid back in, a second one gently worming its way in.

He kissed and soothed at him every time he hissed a little too hard. Castiel was clearly nervous, but every time Dean asked, he insisted they move forward, so Dean did.

By the time Dean had Castiel stretched as far as the other wanted, Castiel was completely relaxed aside from the eagerness coursing through him to finally be with Dean, to finally connect with him in a way he'd never done with anyone else. At least, not this intimately.

"How do you want to do this?" Dean asked as he pulled away, fumbling to open the foil packet Castiel had given him.

"I want to ride you, Dean. Slow, and steady, and gentle," Castiel responded quietly, rolling up on to his knees, helping Dean tear open the packet. He pinched the tip and rolled it down over Dean's cock, leaning up to kiss him when he was done. "And before you ask; yes. I am sure that I want this. And yeah, while it may not be a private bungalow in Maui, I'm still here with you, and that's all I need to make this perfect."

Dean nodded, and lightly pushed on Castiel, getting him to lay on his back. "We're gonna start like this, then you can… you know… get on top." Castiel nodded, and Dean grabbed his legs, gently pulling them apart. He took a generous amount of lube, almost all that was left in the bottle, and slicked it over himself.

He grabbed Castiel's knees, pulling him closer to the edge of the bed, dipping down to kiss the insides of his thighs once before positioning himself. Castiel wrapped his legs loosely around Dean's hips, and Dean reached forward, cupping Castiel's cheek. "You're absolutely sure you want this?"

"Of course I am, Dean. I've wanted this –wanted you– since I met you. The difference now being that I'm  _ready._ "

"Okay. Just… Remember, you can tell me to stop at any time, for any reason, and I will, okay? Castiel reached up to grab Dean's wrist, nodding at him, letting him know it was okay for him to start. Dean took a deep breath, locking his eyes on Castiel's as he slowly began to push in.

Castiel gasped, his eyes squeezing shut tight, and Dean stopped, but the other shook his head vigorously, signaling for him to keep going. Dean slid one of his hands up Castiel's body, linking his fingers with his tightly. "I got you, Cas, baby," he muttered and gingerly kept pushing in until he could go no farther. That's when he stopped, giving Castiel whatever time he needed to adjust.

After a minute, Castiel nodded, squeezing Dean's hand. Dean slowly began to pull out, and once Castiel deemed his far enough out, he pulled him back in with his legs, forcing him in deeper each time, growing more and more relaxed as time went by, picking up the pace, setting it by using his legs to control how far Dean was going out, and how fast he was coming in.

Castiel was letting out little spurts of groans with each thrust, and Dean figured it was about time to make him feel just as good as he felt right in that moment. Dean slowed his pace to a stop, much to Castiel's displeasure. He lost his angry quickly after, however, as Dean sat down on the bed, kneeling, readying himself for Castiel to ride him.

Castiel immediately crawled into his lap, positioned over Dean's cock, slowly moving as Dean guided him down. They both groaned, Dean at the pleasure of being back inside Castiel, Castiel at the sensation of his cock finally being touched, his member pressed between their two bodies. It only got better as Castiel began to move himself, creating friction, and even more so when Dean began to move as well.

Dean brought his palm up to lick, the lubricant bottle long lost, and then dropped it down, wedging it between their bodies to take hold of Castiel's cock, lightly pumping up and down in a rhythm different from their thrusting and rolling.

Castiel gasped and leaned forward, biting the top of Dean's shoulder in an attempt to calm himself, letting loose a moan into his muscle when Dean swiped his thumb across the tip, brushing straight across the slit.

"Dean," Castiel warned after a while. "Dean, stop that. I don't want to… before you."

"I'm close too, baby. I'm close too," Dean breathed, thrusting harder into Castiel, who was fucking himself down just as hard.

Castiel's breathing was growing more haggard, and it became apparent he was holding himself back for Dean, who came stuttering with a moan of Castiel's name. Castiel came shortly after, gasping out "Oh god, Dean." as he came between them, his body going nearly completely slack once he was done.

He and Dean shared a lazy kiss as he slid off of his lap. Dean was off to the connected bathroom, reemerging moments later sans-condom and with a damp washcloth in his hands. He wiped himself off before doing the same to Castiel, his hand sweeping in a large arch over his stomach. He tossed the washcloth on the ground when he was done, draping himself over a worn-out Castiel, kissing him softly.

Castiel was smiling when Dean broke away, and Dean collapsed on his side beside Castiel, pulling him in and holding him close. Castiel kissed Dean's neck. "Thank you," he muttered after a few minutes of laying in silence, the only sound in the room being their heavy breathing and the sound of Dean's thumb rubbing over Castiel's arm.

"For what?"

"Giving me the perfect first time."

Dean smiled sleepily, kissing Castiel's nose. "I'm glad it was perfect. That's all I wanted."

"Thank you," Castiel said again, closing his eyes as Dean kissed him, keeping them shut once they broke apart. "Goodnight, Dean," he mumbled, nuzzling in to Dean's chest.

Dean, filled with near-ecstasy, bent his head, kissing the top of Castiel's. "Goodnight, Cas, baby. I love you."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOAH LOOK AT THAT LOOK HOW LONG IT IS I'M PROUD OF MY SELF THAT'S A LOT OF WORDS IT'S ALMOST AS BIG AS LIKE, THE DCBB small one or whatever
> 
> anyway, WOAH so, I have plans for this, and with that in mind, I think there'll be a max of 5 more chapters, but we'll see.
> 
> So, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think! It keeps me going.
> 
> :)


	7. Alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time's coming to an end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this was done faster than I expected...
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> WARNING: talk about depression, a panic attack/breakdown, and a brief mention of suicide. Be careful. WARNING

Castiel was grumpy in the morning. That never changes. His neediness was a new one, though. Dean had woken him up when he crawled out of bed to use the bathroom, and when he returned Castiel had him pinned to the bed with his body, gently nuzzling his neck with his nose. Dean easily could have pushed him off, but he didn't want to. Castiel seemed happy doing what he was doing, and he wasn't going to put a stop to it.

He only called it quits when Castiel began sucking lazy hickeys in to his neck and under his jaw. Castiel growled at him. "You're  _mine._ "

"I know, baby."

"Then let me mark you."

"Demanding," Dean muttered, though let him continue, sliding one hand up to tangle in his hair, the other down to cover his ass. He began to kneed his ass, and Castiel sucked harder on his neck until he pulled away with a groan.

"Stop turning me on."

Dean shifted under Castiel, brushing their half-hard cocks together. "Why?"

Castiel sat up, the shift causing friction from the head of Dean's cock getting hooked momentarily under Castiel's. They both gasped hard, Castiel leaning down to kiss Dean, swallowing his moan.

They pulled away breathing heavy, looking in to each other's eyes. "Maybe… Maybe we should get up."

Castiel nodded. "Yeah." He pushed himself back up, crawling off of Dean and to the edge of the bed. Once he stood, he made his way to Dean's bag, grabbing his sweats and pulling them on.

Dean blinked at him. "Are you going commando in my sweats?"

"Mhmm." Castiel grinned and moved over to his bag, bending down to fish out a shirt. He heard the bed and floor creaking behind him, but he wasn't actually shocked until Dean pressed up behind him, holding his hips up by his waist as he leaned over his bent frame, kissing down the large scars by Castiel's shoulder blades.

"You're so beautiful, baby." Dean could feel Castiel's skin pickle down his body, and he smiled, pressing lighter kisses back up the scars. "So, so beautiful."

"Dean…" Castiel warned, though not full-heartedly.

"What, baby?"

Castiel stood up straight, shirt in hand. He turned in Dean's arms. "Stop calling me beautiful," he said, pulling his shirt on. He stared at the awe-struck Dean, watching him put on his pants and his shirt before he walked off, heading off to the exit, leaving Dean shocked in the middle of the room.

He was out the door before he decided to turn around, taking large steps toward Dean, slamming himself into him, hugging him tight, arms around his waist as he pressed his cheek into his shoulder. Dean wrapped his arms around him too.

"I didn't get to do this last night," Castiel muttered. "And I'm sorry. Keep calling me beautiful, if you want."

"Why'd you snap at me?" Dean asked, refusing to even loosen his hold on Castiel until he responded.

"Flashback, of sorts. It means so much more coming from you, though," he added. "So don't stop."

"Tell me about it?" Dean offered. "The flashback?"

"I don't want to…"

"Cas, baby, please?"

Castiel sighed, nuzzling himself more into Dean. "It was something my most recent ex would do. You know how he called me his 'perfect little angel'? Well, he was a bit obsessed with my 'wings', and he'd always do that before fucking me. Kiss my 'wings' and call me beautiful."

"I'm so sorry, Cas," Dean muttered, tilting his head to kiss the top of Castiel's. "I'm so, so sorry. I won't do that again, baby. I promise."

"Dean, it's oka-"

"No. No, it's not. I don't want you having flashbacks like that, Cas, and I certainly don't want to be the cause of them. So let me say I'm sorry, okay?"

Castiel nodded. "Okay."

Dean nodded as well. "Okay." He gave Castiel one last squeeze before pulling away slowly. "Now let's go get something to eat." Castiel turned, and began walking out of the room. "And Cas?" Castiel stopped and turned around as Dean moved back up to him, kissing him solidly. "I love you."

Nona tried to pretend like the didn't see the hickeys all up Dean's neck, and while Castiel's hair was always messy, she was nearly positive that it was sex-hair this time.

"Geez Castiel. Get some last night?"

"Maybe," Castiel responded, plopping down in his seat, grabbing Dean's hand and pulling it over to his lap the moment the other sat down.

Nona was practically beaming. "Oh no you didn't!"

"Maybe I did."

"Oh no!"

"Maybe."

Nona clapped her hands twice, positively beaming. She reached across the counter, grabbing Castiel's face. "Oh! My Castiel finally had sex with a good guy!"

Dean shot his eyes over to the two of them, Castiel looking horrified. "How'd you know we did that?"

"She's magic," Castiel mumbled, and Nona dropped her hands.

"Please, it's not hard to see. You two are both bathed in a post-coitus glow." They both flushed at that, Castiel harder than Dean, and Nona laughed. "Don't worry. You weren't the only couple to hook up last night. I mean, fuck, why do you think I gave you that room?"

"So you don't mind us fucking in your house?"

"My parents house," Nona corrected, pushing a stack of pancakes, strawberries, and whipped cream at the two of them. "And no. If I did, I wouldn't have let you share a room." They both shrugged in agreement, and she walked out on to the balcony, calling out "Dig in." on her way out there."

They left about an hour after they finished eating, Castiel fed up with Dean continually smearing whipped cream on his nose and cheekbones, kissing and licking it off.

"Give me your hand," Castiel demanded once they were packed up and in the car, Dean driving back to Castiel's apartment. Dean offered it and Castiel grabbed it. He nearly let go of it about half an hour later while situating himself in his seat to lean against the window comfortably, closing his eyes.

Dean looked over at him briefly. "Are you going back to sleep?"

"I'm tired."

"We've only been awake for like, two hours."

"I'm tired," Castiel reiterated.

"Baby, it's not good to sleep this much."

"Damnit, Dean! Just let me sleep!"

Dean fell silent, letting go of Castiel's hand to turn down the radio. When he went back to grab it, it was gone. Dean swallowed hard.

Castiel slept the whole ride home, which worried Dean to some degree, especially after what Nona had told him the day before. It was only an extra fifteen minutes once he parked however, but Dean waited patiently in the car until Castiel woke up.

Castiel blinked sleepily over at him, smiling lazily. "Are we home?"

"We're home."

"Good, because I want my bed."

Dean sighed, but pulled up a smile himself. "Okay."

"Will you come with me?"

"To bed?" Castiel nodded. "I'm not tired."

"Just to hold me?"

Dean paused a moment, then nodded. "Okay. Let's get the bags out and in to your apartment. Then you can go back to sleep.

But he wouldn't go back to sleep.

A few minutes after they had gotten back into his apartment, and the two of them were laying in bed, Dean asked the question that had been floating in his mind for the past day.

He had one arm under Castiel, the other draped over his stomach as he propped himself up to properly look at Castiel. "Cas?" Castiel hummed, his eyes still shut. "Will you answer this question honestly. Please."

Castiel cracked open an eye. "Okay," he mumbled.

Dean nodded, more to himself than anything. He took a breath, steeling himself. "Cas, are you… Are you depressed?"

A mix of emotions and thoughts flooded through Castiel's closed face and eyes, and his delay in answer practically gave it away to Dean, though he put up a weak wall, smiling as though Dean's question was ridiculous. "No," he said with a huff of a laugh, small smile too fake. "What would make you think that?"

"You said you'd answer honestly."

"I did."

"Don't lie to me."

Castiel was growing angry. "I didn't lie."

"Yes you did," Dean responded. "I saw it on your face."

"I'm not depressed," Castiel said, voice a bit too strong.

"There's nothing wrong with being depressed."

"I'm not depressed! What makes you think I'm depressed?" Castiel asked, fingers tightening in to fists in the sheets.

"Cas, I wouldn't blame you if you were. I mean, after your past with your exes… And baby, you sleep so much, and Nona told me yesterday that you never did anything until I came around."

"I did things."

"She also told me she saw your medication."

Castiel clenched his jaw. "That wasn't for depression."

"Cas…"

"I'm not depressed. I'm not, Dean. I'm not. I'm not depressed," Castiel repeated over and over, his voice wavering, tears slowly welling in his eyes. "I'm not depre-" Castiel's voice broke, and Dean looked up at him "-Depressed," he finished with a hiccup, shaking a tear loose.

Dean slid up, gently kissing the tear away. "Oh, Cas baby," Dean muttered, kissing a few more tears as Castiel continued to chant his mantra, growing angrier and angrier with every repeat. He finally brought a hand up, pushing Dean's face away.

"Get away from me. Get your face away from me. Now!"

Dean backed his face away, but Castiel continued to cry. He tried to keep his voice solid, but it kept wavering. "I am not depressed, Dean. I'm not," he repeated once again.

"It's okay if you are, Cas. I love you."

"You can't love someone who's depressed!"

"Yes you can! Oc course you can!"

"Then you don't love me!"

"Yes I do!" Dean responded, voice growing louder, though not harder. He slid the hand on Castiel's stomach up to cup his cheek, lowering his head down to lay on Castiel's chest, just below his pecks.

"Get off of me, Dean. Let me go!" Castiel whined through his broken voice. "I'm not depressed! I can't be around someone who thinks I am! Get off of me! Let me go!"

"No," Dean muttered, keeping himself calm, not moving. "No, Cas. Not until you calm down. I love you."

"You don't love me! Stop saying it! I'm not depressed. Dean, get off of me! Get off!" Castiel grabbed the hand on his face, clawing at it, though it really didn't do much to deter Dean, who kept his hand in place. "Get your hand off of my face! Get out! Get off! I hate you! I hate you for doing this! Get off of me! I hate you! I'm not depressed. I'm not!"

"It's okay if you are."

"I'm not! I'm not!" Castiel wailed, clawing harder at Dean's hand and wrist. He clawed hard enough to draw some blood, but Dean didn't care, and Castiel didn't notice.

Over time, Castiel gave up on clawing Dean's hand, growing weak from doing so, but he continued to wail, kicking his feet, thrusting his body around, trying to get Dean off of him to no avail. "I hate you. I hate you! I'm not depressed. I'm not depressed!"

Dean was growing weary. He hated seeing Castiel like this, despite the only thing he could actually see was Castiel's legs kicking and his hips thrusting in an attempt to rid himself of Dean.

"Dean," he cried, voice wavering, fingers weak as he clawed at his hand. "Deaaaann. Dean, oh my godddd. I hate you. I hate you so much. So fucking much. Deannnnn, get off of me. Plea-ase. Deaaannn."

Castiel continued sobbing for over an hour, finally calming down in part from seeing that Dean wasn't going anywhere, but mostly from physical exhaustion. "Dean," he muttered. "Dean… Dean…"

"Yeah, baby?"

"I hate you."

"Okay."

"I hate you so much…. So fucking much." Dean was quiet, hand still cupping Castiel's face. The small amount of blood had dried, and luckily none had dripped down to Castiel's bed. "I'm not depressed. I'm not. I'm not depressed."

A few minutes later, Castiel was left shaking his head, words trying to form, but nothing would come out but the words he didn't want to say. "Yes," he said after a while, tears still streaming freely down his face, though his sobbing voice had gone away, leaving only a weak stripping of it behind. "Yes, I am."

Dean finally lifted his head, looking up at the red-faced, puffy-eyed man he loved. He slid up his body the short way to his face, kissing the tears on his right side while he wiped away the ones on the left. He kissed his cheek after collecting as much as he could. "Thank you for being truthful."

"…I don't want to be depressed," Castiel mumbled, voice weak.

"It's okay, baby. We'll work through it together, okay? I'm here for you," Dean said, leaning in to kiss Castiel. The other tried to kiss back, but his lips were weak and still quivering slightly.

Dean pulled away after a moment. "Are you tired?" Castiel shook his head no. "Are you tired?" Dean asked again. Castiel was quiet, but then slowly nodded. "Okay. You wanna go to bed? Let's go to bed."

Dean crawled up to the top of the bed, resting his head on the pillow. Castiel rolled in to him after a minute, shoving his still-wet face in to Dean's shoulder. "I'm sorry," he mumbled after a few minutes.

"It's okay, baby. Just get some sleep." Dean angled his head, kissing his ear. "I love you."

Castiel didn't reply, just closed his eyes, fitfully drifting off to sleep, Dean following behind a while after, wondering just how he was going address this again later.

 

* * *

Dean only slept for an hour, but Castiel was out for a solid three, never moving from his solid position pressed against Dean's body. He wasn't grumpy when he woke up this time, his eyes bleary and stinging from the day's previous tears. He shifted to look up at Dean, who was looking down wit heavily-lidded eyes.

"Hi, baby."

"Why are you still here?"

"Because I love you."

"You say that a lot."

"I'm not gonna slow down until you believe me."

"That's never going to happen."

"Then you better get used to hearing it."

Castiel took a deep breath through his nose, rolling on to his back. He scooted closer to Dean, however, and place a hand on his thigh after a few minutes. "…Thank you. For putting up with me…"

"I don't put up with you, Cas. That implies that what you do annoys me, or that it's a hassle for me to go through."

"Isn't it?"

"No."

Castiel bent his hand off of Dean's thigh, holding it up, waiting for Dean to take hold of it. He did. Castiel swallowed. "Why did you ask me if I was depressed?"

"Because it worried me that you were."

"Why?"

"Because," Dean said, gathering his thoughts. "Because I don't… I don't want you to… hurt yourself…"

"Dean…" Castiel muttered, his voice hurt. "Do you really think I'd do something like that?"

"I don't know, Cas, but it scared me to think that you could… If things get bad enough…"

Castiel tilted his head back to look at Dean. "Are you talking about hurting myself, or…" Castiel swallowed hard, and Dean tore his eyes away from him. Castiel understood. He sat up, letting go of Dean's hand in order to sit on top of him, bending down, his face hovering over Dean's as he cupped his cheeks. "Dean, I promise that I will never  _never_  do that. I may think about it, baby, that's something I can't help, but I swear to  _god_ that I will  _never_  do that.  _Ever._ "

Dean stared up at him for a moment, completely still until he lurched up, his abs tightening as he kissed Castiel as hard as he could, Castiel lowered himself in to the kiss, letting Dean relax back against the bed

When they broke, they both were breathing hard. Once they calmed down, Dean suggested that they go out.

Castiel nodded. "What do you have in mind?"

"Maybe a walk, and then dinner?"

"Sounds perfect."

It was. It was decent outside, even though evening was coming about, so they didn't need jackets. Castiel still put on Dean's, however, which filled the musician with a certain form of glee. He loved it when Castiel wore his jacket.

They walked at a relaxing pace, fingers linked lazily as they wandered around Castiel's neighborhood and the park adjacent to it, finding a small, casual diner. They both ordered pasta, much to Castiel's surprise.

" _What? No hamburger?"_

_Dean shrugged. "Pasta sounded better."_

" _I'm shocked."_

On their way back, they went passed another park a bit farther away from Castiel's apartment. A farmers market was set up, full of stalls with t-shirts, food, jewelry, and anything else you could think of.

They went to explore it.

Castiel immediately found a stand filled with leather and leather trinkets, and he continually fumbled around with the stacks or bracelets. Dean laughed and watched as he tried them on, glad to see Castiel with a smile on his face. Behind them was a metal jewelry stand, and Dean went over it check it out.

There was very little there that Dean would wear aside from the rings, so he focused on those.

"That your boyfriend?" the woman running the stand asked.

Dean looked up at her, then back to where Castiel was standing. "Him?" She nodded. "Yeah. He's mine."

"Yeah, I've seen your pictures in those tabloids."

"Are there a lot of them?"

She nodded. "But they're all nice."

Dean nodded absently, fingers fiddling with one of the rings on the stand. The woman pointed it out. "You like that one?"

It was a simple silver ring that look as if two bands had been fused together closely. Dean nodded. "It's nice."

Dean continued browsing, finally coming across one he really wanted. It was wide, small ribbing and indents around it, a chain of balls going around the center. Dean pointed at it. "How much is it?"

"This one?" she asked, sliding it out of it's case. "Fifty." She handed it to Dean. "Do you want to try it on?"

Dean slipped it on to his ring finger. "I like it." He rolled his hand around a few times, looking it over. He turned back to the woman. "Do you have another one just like this?"

She nodded. "What size?"

Dean thought for a moment. "Same size." He slipped it off of his finger holding it out for the woman to take.

"Dean!" Castiel called from across the street, making his way over. Dean held a finger to his lips, gesturing for the woman to stay silent as he turned toward Castiel, catching him once he was close enough. He slipped an arm around his waist. Castiel smiled up at him. "Hey Dean. What are you doing?"

"Just buying a ring," Dean shrugged, pointing to the one he had been looking at earlier.

"It suits you," Castiel said, kissing Dean's cheek. "Come over here when you're done, okay? I want you to try on this bracelet."

Dean nodded and Castiel was off again, much brighter than he had been earlier. Dean turned back to the lady, pointing to the silver ring. "I'd like that one, too."

She nodded and grabbed it out of the case, letting Dean put it on. She offered to put it in its box, but he shook his head. She dropped it in to his bag for him. "Was that other ring for him?" Dean nodded. "Engagement?"

Dean laughed quietly and shook his head. "No. Well, if the time ever comes, and he wants it to be, sure… but I just want to surprise him. I just have to give it to him at the right time."

"You two are very cute together," she said, and Dean slipped her his credit card. She passed it back along with his bag. "You two stay happy, okay?"

Dean thanked her and turned back to head to Castiel, who immediately snapped a bracelet on his wrist the second he was close enough. I was a braided leather band. Dean smiled at Castiel. "I like it."

"You do?" Dean nodded, and if possible, Castiel's grin widened. He turned to the man running the stand. "Okay. I'll take both of them. And this one." He held up his arm, an extremely wide band covering most of his wrist. He handed over his credit card, and Dean slipped his arm around his waist.

"You bought me this?" Castiel nodded. "Awww, thank you, baby," he said, kissing Castiel's cheek, waiting for the other to turn his head before kissing his lips. "Now let  _me_  buy  _you_ something," he said, turning back to the stand. He looked at the man. "Do you have any jackets that would fit him better than this one?"

The man nodded. "'Course we do. What color you want?"

"Black," Dean replied before Castiel could say anything.

"Dean," Castiel whined quietly once the man had gone to go get his collection. "I don't want you buying me a jacket. They're so expensive."

"You deserve one that fits you properly," Dean replied.

"I have yours."

"That fits you properly," Dean reiterated. Their conversation stopped as the man came back out, a stack of jackets in his hands. He set them down, laying them out individually. He stepped back and sat in his seat, letting the two men look through the stack.

The one that sparked Dean's interest the most was a fitted jacket with an bright silver, slightly off-center zipper with pockets and a few buttons that matched. Dean pointed at it. "Try that one on."

Castiel gave Dean a look, but Dean kept pointing at it. Castiel sighed and slid off Dean's jacket, shoving it in to his chest as he grabbed the new black one. He slipped it over his shoulders, zipping it up most of the way. He flipped over the collar and looked at Dean. "Happy?"

Dean was staring at him. He poked his tongue out to wet his lips, parting them to speak, but nothing came out. Castiel cocked his head at him. "What?"

Dean found his words. "Holy shit…"

Castiel narrowed his eyes. "What?"

"You look so good.  _So good_."

Castiel flushed. "Really?" Dean nodded dumbly, and Castiel looked down at the slim-fitting jacket. It hugged his body nicely, though there was still plenty of room to move and breathe. "I guess I do look alright in it."

"Way more than alright," Dean said, finally snapping his gaze away from him to look at the man at the counter, then back to Castiel. "Do you want it?"

"Oh… No. I mean, you're gonna get it anyway, but don't. It's expensive."

"Do you like it?"

"…Yeah."

"Then we're getting it." Dean turned to the man at the counter again, handing him his card. The man handed it back to him when he was done, and Dean turned to Castiel with a grin. "Your new jacket looks so good on you, babe."

Castiel looked down at his body, shifting his hips as he watched the leather move with it. He looked back up. "I guess you can have yours back now."

Dean shook his head, stepping forward to grab Castiel's hand, thanking the man as they walked away. "Naw, Cas. It's yours. You keep it."

"But I don't need two."

"It doesn't matter." Castiel sighed and grabbed Dean's hand, linking their fingers. "You're an amazing boyfriend, Dean. I'm sorry I treat you like shit sometimes."

"You don't treat me like shit, Cas."

"No, but I act like an asshole. Just… I'm sorry. And thank you for the jacket."

"You look amazing in it, Cas."

"Thank you."

Dean was practically beaming as he looked over at Castiel. "You accepted a compliment! Without putting yourself down in the process!"

Castiel smiled lightly. "I guess I did."

"Cas!" Dean stepped behind Castiel, dropping his hand in order to wrap his arms around his neck, holding him in a sort-of hug as they walked.

Castiel rolled his eyes. "Why don't you just jump on me if you're going to walk like that?"

"Can I?"

Castiel shrugged. "Sure."

Dean grinned and jumped up, wrapping his legs around Castiel's waist, Castiel wrapping his arms around Dean's legs. The proceeded to Castiel's apartment.

"You know," Dean said not too far away from home. "Your strength always surprises me."

"How so?"

"I mean, you're thin, and toned, but you don't look really strong, yet you can lift me and carry me around without a damn problem."

"Swimmers body," Castiel explained.

"You are a pretty good swimmer."

"I'd hope so," Castiel replied, walking in to his apartment building. He let Dean hop down off of him, taking hold of his hand once he was beside him. Dean kissed him softly once they were in the elevator.

He smiled. "That was nice."

Castiel nodded. "It was."

The elevator dinged open, and they made their way to Castiel's apartment. Castiel slipped his jacket off the moment he was inside, and Dean went over to his bag, slipping the rings in to it. He draped his jacket over one of Castiel's chairs, turning back to is boyfriend. "What do you say we finish tonight with a movie, and maybe some popcorn?

Castiel smiled. "You choose a movie, and get out of your clothes. Well, most of them, at least. I'll go make popcorn."

Dean nodded and dropped to his knees in front of the TV, looking through Castiel's DVDs. He found Anchorman, and decided that was as good a choice as any, and put it in to the player. He stood up and took off his pants, followed by his shirt.

It was a few minutes until Castiel came out, completely dressed. He set the bowl of popcorn down, looking at Dean, who looked up with him. "Are… are you waiting for me to undress you?"

"If you want to," Castiel shrugged.

Dean was over to Castiel in a heartbeat, dropping to his knees in front of him. He reached out to grab his hips, worming his t-shirt up, exposing the soft skin of his belly. He pressed kisses across the area, nipping and sucking bruises in to place over Castiel's hips before he dropped down to his pants, unbuttoning them, sliding them down.

He bent his head in, lowering his hands to slide up the legs of Castiel's boxers, moving them high enough to get to the fleshy part of his thighs, sucking and kissing gently on each side. Dean slid back up Castiel's body and to his feet when he was done, tugging his shirt up and over his shoulders, dropping it on the ground. He ducked down, laving his tongue around both of Castiel's nipples, kissing up his neck, and finally kissing him deeply when he was done, bringing a hand up to muse his hair.

He grinned when he pulled away. "I love doing that."

Castiel exhaled shakily. "Yeah. Try standing up while you're doing that." He exhaled again. "I should get an award for that."

Dean laughed and grabbed Castiel, pulling him down on to the couch. He leaned up to turn off the lamp that was on, and Castiel leaned forward to grab the bowl of popcorn, setting it on Dean's lap as he curled in to him.

Castiel had never seen Anchorman before, despite the fact that he owned the DVD.

" _I want a trident."_

" _Why did he punt the dog!? It was just a burrito!"_

" _Milk?"_

" _Oh my god."_

Dean found his commentary more than amusing, laughing more at him than at the movie.

"Did you like it?" he asked once the film ended. Castiel put the popcorn bowl down as he stood, grabbing Dean's hand, helping him up.

"Yeah. It was pretty damn funny."

Dean led them to Castiel's bedroom. "It sure is."

They fell asleep easily that night, Dean curled in to Castiel, letting him hold him.

 

* * *

They both were relieved that they didn't have to wake up early for their flight, as it gave them time to take a shower together, though they had to separate to ensure they'd actually get clean, because as nice was making out in the shower was, it wasn't doing much to ensure they'd smell and look at least half decent.

They got an early lunch at the airport, Dean getting- wait for it- a hamburger. Castiel joined him with that, getting one as well.

"I'm a bad influence on you," Dean said, tossing out their trash.

"I'm allowed to eat burgers."

Dean rolled his eyes, laughing as he sat back down beside Castiel. He bumped their shoulders together. "You excited to go to LA?"

"It's just counting down the days we have left."

Dean swallowed, his face falling. "Yeah… But I have you until then, so we can either tear up the town, or tear up my bed sheets. I don't really care."

Castiel laughed lightly. "It will be the first time I'm in your bed. I'm excited."

"It's nothing special."

"But it's yours."

Dean shifted in his seat, cupping Castiel's chin, leaning in. "Well, consider it yours, too," he muttered, kissing Castiel.

An older man across from them grunted and rolled his eyes. "Fucking faggots."

Dean broke away from the kiss just enough to see who had said it, and flipped him off when he saw him, pulling Castiel back in to the kiss, this time deeper and harder than before, fucking his tongue into his mouth without warning, causing Castiel to gasp and moan.

Then man across from them grew more uncomfortable until he finally gave up with a disgusted grunt, getting up and walking away.

Dean broke the kiss a moment later. "Sorry, baby. I wanted to prove a point, and, well, it's kinda hard to stop kissing you.

Castiel let out a breathy laugh. "It's okay. I was just… surprised."

Dean took Castiel's hand, holding it. A few minutes passed, and their flight was called over the intercom. Dean tugged Castiel up, and they boarded the flight.

Castiel fell asleep on Dean about 30 minutes in to the flight, but Dean didn't mind. He knew he needed his rest.

Castiel really didn't brighten up until they got to Dean's apartment, and then he was just distracted.

"Why is everything so  _big_!?" he asked dropping his bag in the middle of Dean's foyer.

"'Cause I wanted a big apartment."

"Oh Dean, this isn't big. It's  _enormous._ I mean, fuck!" He moved into his living room, a small ladder to the side leading up to a wall of bookshelves working around the top of the room. "You have a  _library_!?

Dean laughed and picked up Castiel's bag, taking it back into his room. "Yeah, babe," he called out, wandering over to his closet, setting their bags down beside it. He figured Castiel would probably use his clothes anyway.

He turned to leave his room, but smacked in to Castiel in the doorway, the other's hand coming up to push lightly on his chest. Castiel's eyes roamed over Dean's room, then his bed, then Dean, then his bed.

Castiel smirked, pushing Dean lightly back. Dean followed his guidance, his knees hitting the back of his mattress after a while. Castiel grabbed on to the neck of his shirt, keeping him upright.

"You know," he said. "I've never made love during the day."

Dean bit his lip. "Do you want to?"

Castiel puled Dean closer, his lips just barely off of his. "What do you think?" he whispered as he locked their lips together, straddling Dean's hips as he knocked him back on to the bed.

It was new for both of them, especially Castiel. It was the first time Dean had seen Castiel in full daylight, no shadows or darkness to hide his scars and imperfections, but Dean was as gentle and loving as ever, his lips gliding down over each scar, his hands touching every bit of him they could reach, loving words whispered in his ear as he brought him to climax, and once again after they'd had sex.

It'd been over an hour by the time they finished, both men completely spent.

Castiel was laying on top of Dean, his head on his chest and their feet tangled together, their bodies covered by the sheet. One of his hands was tucked under Dean's ribs, the other holding on to his forearm. Dean's free hand was rubbing up and down Castiel's back.

Castiel exhaled slowly. "Wow."

"Yeah," Dean agreed.

"Twice," Castiel said, and Dean grinned. "You make me come  _twice_."

"We could go another round if you want, baby. I'm always up for making you feel good. Oh god, those noises you make. The little whimpers and moans…" Dean bit his lip, and Castiel's skin prickled.

"You focus a lot on the small things. Details."

"I may not be a novelist, but I  _am_ a writer. It makes for a better song when you can write about those things. Makes love sound more believable."

Castiel smiled, pressing a kiss to Dean's chest before yawning. Dean paused the hand on his back. "You tired, baby?"

"A little," Castiel admitted.

"You wanna take a nap?"

"It's five in the afternoon."

Dean shrugged. "I'll wake you up in an hour for dinner, how does that sound?"

"Perfect," Castiel replied, nuzzling himself farther in to Dean. "But you can't leave until I'm asleep, okay?"

"Okay, baby."

Castiel was asleep soon, but Dean stayed for a good fifteen minutes, just watching him. He gently rolled him off of his body when he was ready to go make dinner. It was simple pasta, even though they had it the night before. It was easy to make, allowing him time to get a few things done while the water, then noodles boiled.

His first task was to get his mail, which had nothing of import in it. Next was to go check on Castiel, who looked so adorable and at peace that Dean couldn't help but to move it closer, taking a few pictures of him. He sat down beside him when he was done, placing a warm hand on his back. "I love you. You know that, Cas? And I want you to know, even though you probably can't hear this… But, I want you to know that I think I always will. Please remember that. I… I don't know what's going to happen in a few days, but please, just remember that. For me, okay?"

Dean bent down, pressing a kiss to the side of his head, part in his hair. He ran the back of his fingers down his cheek as he pushed himself away to go back into his study, checking to see his messages.

The red number on the dial was blinking repeatedly, and the number was obnoxiously large.  _Fucking paparazzi_ , Dean thought as he sat down, pressing play. A large number of the messages  _were_ from paparazzi, though mostly big tabloids like TMZ or People. There was a message from Sam, and he knew he'd need to calm him back.

He was nearing the final message when Castiel wandered in to the room, stopping just inside the doorframe, smiling sleepily at Dean, rubbing his eyes. He had pants on, now, but no shirt.

Dean smiled at him. "Hey baby. Just got one more message, then I can go finish dinner."

"Okay," Castiel mumbled, still rubbing his eyes.

"Hey Dean!" The new message started, voice ringing out clearly from it. "It's Mitchell. I was just calling to see if you'd made up your mind yet. I know, I know, I said I'd give you 'till the end of your little vay-cay with whatshisface, but come on, do you really need that long? Well, I guess you do, since you brought the little twerp home with you. God, he's little. How old is he? Eighteen? Nineteen? Jesus…"

The voice continued on, but all Dean could do was stare at Castiel, who was getting the entire message played to him, his eyes narrowing with every word out of Mitchell's mouth.

"I mean, come on, Dean! What are you going to do when you tell him what you've chosen? 'Hey. Thanks for the sex! Now get out.'? Come on, man… That's low. Though what did he expect? Getting involved with someone like you?"

Castiel was frozen with a look that could kill glued to his face as he glared not at the phone, but at Dean, his arms crossed tightly across his chest.

"Well, shit. He might hear this, so I should probably stop… Anyway, Dean, give me a call as soon as you decide, alright?" His publicist laughed. "As if it's even a choice… Call me!"

They were frozen in a lockdown, Dean staring at Castiel in horror, Castiel in pure anger.

_No more messages._

The phone beeped, and silence rang through the air.

"I can explai-"

"-No," Castiel cut him off. "No, Dean. Don't try to fucking backtrack and lie about this. I heard it. Loud and clear."

"It's not what you think."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Mitchell told me I had to break up wi-"

"So it's exactly what I think," Castiel said, stepping away from the doorframe, and away from Dean. "You know what? I… I can't fucking believe you. I…" Castiel gritted his teeth and turned, storming away from Dean.

"Fuck- Cas!" Dean shouted, pushing himself out of his chair, knocking it over as he ran after Castiel, who was making his way to Dean's bedroom. He caught up with him inside. "Cas! Wait!

"For what, Dean? For you to spout off more lies?" Castiel grabbed his shirt off of the floor, tugging it on. He turned and made to go for his bag. Dean grabbed his arm. "Let go of me."

"Not until you hear me out!"

"I don't want to hear you out!" Castiel shouted at him, ripping his arm out of his hold. "I don't want to hear the bullshit you're about to tell me!" Castiel dipped down, grabbing his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. He pushed passed Dean and out into the main room. Dean followed after him again. "Cas, don't do this. Talk to me!"

"Fine. You want to talk? Answer me this, then. Dean, what was this little visit about? Why did you choose The Forth to tell me you loved me? Why were you suddenly so open to sex? Why did actually start to care about my fucking mental issues?" Castiel let out a disbelieving huff of a laugh, an eye-roll paired with it. Another laugh. "Oh my god. Oh my god! You were playing pity-party with me! Trying to see how much you could fuck up the already fucked-up college student before you dumped him flat out. Oh my god. You asshole!"

"Cas, no! That's not it at all!"

"Then what, Dean? What is it?"

"A misunderstanding."

"Oh, I understand perfectly," Castiel replied, turning his back on Dean again, continuing through his apartment toward the front door.

"Cas! Please stop! Baby, sit down and talk to me about this. Please." Dean voice was growing desperate, growing weaker with every step Castiel took away from him.

"Don't call me that," Castiel growled, rounding on Dean. He could see tears prickling in his eyes, but Castiel stood strong, not letting his emotions truly show. "Don't you  _ever_ call me baby again. I'm not your baby. I'm not your  _anything_  anymore."

Dean froze, muscles tensing, his mind roaring with a blank sound, nothing coming through his mind except the though of Castiel meaning what he thought he meant. "Cas… Are.. Are you..?"

"I can't be with someone who does this to me,  _knowing_ completely well who I am, and what's wrong with me… I… I'm breaking up with you, Dean."

The tears building in Dean's eyes began to fall over as his stomach and heart dropped down beneath the floor, an empty feeling filling the void. Dean felt like a fish, gasping for water after being dumped on the ground. He couldn't even tell his muscles to move until Castiel was turning away once again, leaving out his front door.

Dean ran after him. "Castiel!" he shouted, running down the hall after him, his limbs and throat numb. He wasn't even sure how he was making sound. "Wait! Please. Please…" He caught up to him, grabbing his arm tightly to stop him.

Castiel whirled on him. "Let go of me."

Dean shook his head, tears rolling down his reddened cheeks. "No," he said weakly, voice cracking.

"Let. Me. Go."

"No, Cas," he sobbed quietly. "I can't let you go."

"Now! dean, fucking let me go!"

"I love you," he muttered, voice barely above a whisper."

"Don't you lie to me," Castiel said, voice a growl. "Now let. Go."

Dean shook his head again. "I love you," he muttered again."

"Let me go!"

Dean continued mutter "I love you. Don't go." and Castiel was getting fed up with it.

"Let go of me. Now. Now! Dean. Fuck. Let. Me. Go!"

Dean didn't let go, and Castiel let off one more warning before he was swinging his free hand, smashing Dean on the side of the face with his fist, causing him to let go and stumble back in to the wall, letting out a cry of anguish as he tried to regain his completely lost balance.

Castiel turned quickly in his moment of freedom, hitting the down button for the elevator, which opened immediately. He stepped inside and began smacking the door close button, trying to get away before Dean could try to convince him to stay anymore.

By the time Dean had been able to get back to him, the elevator doors had already closed. He slammed his fist weakly against the metal doors, smashing the down button, hoping it would open the doors back up, revealing Castiel, but they never did.

Dean let out and anguished cry, sliding down to the wall, whining out Castiel's name repetitively.

"Cas," he sobbed, curling up in front of the doors, letting his tears fall freely as he hiccuped. He'd never felt so alone and lost in his life while just standing twenty feet away from his home. But it wasn't his home, not really. Castiel was where his heart was, and as they always said, home is where the heart is.

Dean's home was running away from him, and the empty void inside his chest told him he was never going to catch it.

"Please come back."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)
> 
> I did the thing DID YOU LIKE THE THING!?
> 
> LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK ALSO I PRESSED CAPS LOCK SORRY TO LAZY TO UNPRESS BUT REALLY THANK YOU FOR READING AND LET Me know what you think!
> 
> :)


	8. Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reunited, and it feels so good! Sorta...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)

 

Dean lost himself on the way back to his apartment, which was right down the hall from him. He could barely see or think straight, his feet moving in a drunken stumble, his mind just as bleary. He slapped the pot of boiling water off the burner when he paced through his kitchen, knocking it haphazardly in to his sink, flicking the burner off as he made his way to his bedroom, collapsing on his unmade bed.

There was a dent in his pillow from where Castiel had been laying, and Dean reached forward, grabbing it and pulling it to himself, catching the faint smell of Castiel's cologne. Fresh tears began to prick at his eyes as he clutched the pillow close, shoving his nose into it, inhaling deeply, trying to hold on to and memorize how Castiel smelled, knowing he may not be around it any time soon.

He cried until the small had faded out into nothing, and continued after that, refusing to hold back and build up his tough-guy persona, knowing it would do nothing to stem the emotions flowing through his body, pooling in the empty space in his chest, nor would it bring back Castiel.

His scent was completely gone from the pillow, and as hard as Dean tried to get it back, it never came. He grew frustrated, head pounding and swimming as he punched the pillow.  _Fuck his publicist. Fuck the public. Fuck his fans. Fuck everything in the world that could have ever stood between he and Castiel because now he'd lost the only thing he even cared about anymore. Fuck his music. Fuck his career. He didn't care about it either anymore._

He gave the pillow a few more frustrated punches, but he was exhausted, his mind and body unsure of how to deal with the blow delivered to him. All he wanted was Castiel back, his body beside him, fingers wrapped around him, Castiel's fingers running lightly through his hair…

Dean shivered, imagining how it would feel to have him back, just for that moment, to have his smell surrounding him…

Dean sprang up in bed, racing over to his bad, where he'd stashed some of Castiel's clothes he'd stolen back in the other's apartment. He yanked them out of his bag, throwing them as far away from his own clothes as he could, trying to prevent the smell from dissipating or being overwhelmed by Dean's own.

The few t-shirts and boxers he'd taken laid in a pile in the center of his room. He got up and walked to them, weakly picking them up, bundling them in his arms.

He wandered around his room, looking for an empty drawer to place the clothes in. When he found one, he dropped to his knees, neatly placing Castiel's clothes in it. The smell of his cologne wafted up, and Dean took a moment to enjoy it, revel in it, before slamming the drawer shit, pushing to his feet, crawling over to his bed and collapsing on it.

He was too drained to do much more than find his phone in his pants, trying to call Castiel, who sent his calls to voicemail. He finally decided to leave a message.

"Hey, Cas. I… I know you don't want to talk to me, or you wouldn't be rejecting my calls, but  _I_ want to talk to  _you_. It feels too impersonal to say what I want to say over voicemail, so I'll wait as long as I need to just to say it to  _you_. I… I hope you're safe, and not out getting in trouble. Please be, and stay, safe… Uh, I… Before I go, I want you to know that I'll always be here for you, Cas. Always. And my arms and heart will always be open to you, when and if you ever decide you want to be with me again… I love you."

There was a short pause where Dean debated saying something else, but he decided against it and hung up.

He dropped his phone to the edge of the bed as he rolled over to where Castiel had been asleep earlier. He closed his eyes and drifted off into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

**x-x-x**

Castiel had his phone pressed to his ear, sitting in a dingy hotel, one he knew Dean wouldn't come looking for him in. He'd managed to call the airline he was headed back on, and got them to switch his flight date, though for a fee. He didn't mind paying, though. He needed to get back home.

Dean's message played through the miniature speaker at him for the third time in a row, and after a good hour of contemplating, he was finally able to call him back. The phone rang a few times, and he was directed to Dean's voicemail. He must not have had his phone by him, Castiel assumed.

He left a message anyway.

"Yes, Dean. I'm safe. I'm at a hotel, just waiting to get home. I… I know you probably think I'm weak, and some fucking toy, and really, Dean, I applaud you on being able to fool me and drag me along in your little mind-fuck of a game for so long. Really. It's impressive. And to think you got me to l-… To actually have feelings for you, ones I thought were reciprocated. I know you want to make up with me, Dean, but that's not going to happen.

I'm not going to tell you to lose my number, I know you won't delete it, but don't use it, okay? I need to be away from you, and this break up was the right thing to do. I'm not taking it back or calling it off. I did enjoy the friendship I built with you, Dean, and if I can ever find it in my heart to forgive you, I may find a friendship to be nice, and in that case, I'll be the one to call you.

I…" Castiel hesitated for a moment, contemplating a farewell, but he just hung up.

He glanced over at the clock on his nightstand. He figured it was time for him to sleep.

He caught his flight home early the next day, and despite Castiel's wishes, Dean called him twice, and checked the airport the day he was supposed to leave, the day after Dean's kick-off concert. Of course he wasn't there, and Dean left after two hours, leaving behind his dignity, and the sliver of hope that he'd be able to catch Castiel before he was truly gone from his life.

His tour passed in a slow blur of late, drunken nights filled with new and anonymous people in his bed. Dean tried to fuck them, to do something to them, but his high was killed whenever he looked down and saw a pair of breasts, or light hair, or an abdomen that wasn't Castiel's. He could never do much more than kiss them and bring them home before he gave up, sending them back out high and dry while he lay in bed, looking at Castiel's sext messages, getting himself off from those.

The only time Dean let someone suck his dick was when he was in Kansas City, just a short drive away from Castiel and his apartment and his gorgeous body that Dean was still yearning for, even after months of being away from him.

It was nearing the end of his tour, only two more stops before he was finally done. September was coming to an end as well, and Dean was in the mood for a nice warm drink, searching for one in the evening when he bumped into another man passing him on the sidewalk.

Dean's heart soared as he whirled around quickly, the dark tufts of hair, his body shape, and his height giving away that he was Castiel. But he wasn't. The mans face was completely different, eyes shaded with brown instead of the bright blue he wanted to see.

Dean had apologized at the same time the man admitted he knew who Dean was. He smiled at him shyly, asking him out for coffee, and Dean agreed. The topic of Castiel had, of course, been brought up.

" _You look like him."_

" _Do I?"_

_A nod._

" _Does that mean I look pretty damn fuckable?"_

_Another nod, paired with a grin._

They had found themselves back at Dean's hotel, the new man down on his knees, sucking Dean off. The night came to a quick and sudden end as Dean came with a cry of "Oh god- Cas!"

At the end of his tour, Dean dumped Mitchell. He and Finn had been talking about how his music had been affected by the break-up, and Dean confessed Mitchell had been bothering him about ending it, and that the message he left had been the final straw for Castiel.

They both had agreed that it would be best if Dean left, even though it meant saying goodbye to Finn as well. He found a new publicist, one that worked through the same record company, and one that was fine with him partaking whatever relationships he wanted. Not that it mattered, at the moment.

He and Finn still kept in contact, but the only person he truly wanted to see was Castiel.

It'd be January before he did so again.

"Dean, please come out with me."

Dean groaned. "Why, Sam?"

"Because we didn't go in November, and I want to say hi to Mom before I'm out of the country. Not to mention I haven't seen you in nearly a year…"

"I… I can't go back to Lawrence, Sammy. I can't."

"Dean, what're the chances you'll run in to him?"

"What were the chances that I'd meet him in a theater?"

Sam fell silent. "Whatever, Dean. Jess and I will see you on the fourteenth."

"You got it, Sammy."

None of them had anticipated a snowstorm as bad as the one that was set to roar in that night.

The three of them roamed around the nearly empty grocery store just a short way down the street from the hotel they were staying at. Jess had her hand tangled with Sam's as the two of them followed Dean, tossing non-perishables in to the cart, stocking up with food they knew that they'd need if they got snowed in to the hotel.

"Listen, I'm just not in the market for a date…"

Dean froze, Sam running the cart into the back of his legs.  _He knew that voice._ He stepped out of the way, letting the two of them continue on when Sam cleared his throat. He gave him a weird look, but Dean was staring off in the direction the voice had come from.

"You're really cute. Let me take you out. Plus, you look like you could use something to eat."

"I'm plenty well-fed."

"You don't look like it."

Dean began to make his way to where the voices were coming from. Right around the corner was the fruits and vegetables aisle, and Castiel stood on one side, looking over a sheath of corn repeatedly as he tried to keep the woman away from him with his cart. "Well I am."

"Let me take you out."

"No," Castiel finalized.

The woman rolled her eye as Dean crept up to Castiel, who was still absorbed with the corn. "Whatever, freak," she muttered, turning and stalking off to her cart back at the beginning of the aisle.

"I'm not a freak," Castiel whispered under his breath as he placed the corn down.

"No, you're not," Dean said, voice soft as he stepped closer to Castiel.

Castiel froze, his head snapping up then snapping over, eyes locking on Dean's. "Dean?"

Dean gasped. Castiel's eyes were sunken in, dark rings under and around his eyes from what Dean could only assume was lack of sleep. His hair was well mussed and dirty, and his cheeks were hollow and very defined. He looked as if he'd lost fifty pounds, if not more. Dean's eyes softened, sorrow filling them as he gazed at the once healthy man. "Cas…"

Castiel's eyes matched Dean's in sorrow as he looked over him, but he stiffened and hardened his gaze when his name was spoken, his jaw clenching tight. "Why are you here?" he asked as he turned his back on Dean, pushing his cart down the aisle.

"Visiting my mom with my brother," he muttered, following after Castiel. "Cas," he said. "What happened to you?"

"You," Castiel replied after a while, pushing his cart out of the aisle and through the store.

"You're the one who broke up with me," Dean said, still following after him. He saw Sam and Jess waiting at the registers for him, and he passed them his credit card as he walked by, still waiting for Castiel to reply.

"I'm aware… I thought I told you not to contact me."

"I didn't come looking for you."

"So then why are you talking to me?" Castiel dropped a box of cereal in his cart, then took it back out.

"I saw you, and… I guess I couldn't help myself."

Castiel didn't say anything until he was nearing the registers. Sam and Jess were long gone, which meant Dean was without a car. "Why? Because I look like a freak? Like a sickly man who escaped from a hospital?" he asked as he placed his few items up on his conveyor belt.

"Because I was head-first in love with you and I haven't seen you in six moths, Cas." The man at the front had finished ringing up Castiel's things, and Dean frowned. "Cas, you only got a few apples, some corn, and juice."

Castiel brushed off Dean's first response. "So?"

"So? Is that all you eat?"

"Does it matter?" Castiel swiped his card, and Dean grabbed a handful of candy bars, setting them down on the conveyor belt once Castiel walked away, tossing down a 20 when they were rung up, telling the man to keep the change as he grabbed them and followed Castiel outside.

"Of course it does," Dean said when he caught up to Castiel at the sidewalk. "You need to eat, and be healthy."

"I don't have a reason to. And I'm perfectly healthy."

Dean grabbed Castiel's wrist, noticing for the first time that night that Castiel had on the leather jacket Dean had bought him underneath his trench coat. "This doesn't feel healthy." Dean swallowed, dropping Castiel's wrist when the other looked uncomfortable. "Let me take care of you. Just tonight. Get you a good meal, see you home…"

Castiel narrowed his eyes. "That sounds like a date."

"It doesn't have to be." Dean shook his head. "I can just take you home. Make you something there and then leave. I promise I won't overstay my welcome."

"You already have." Dean deflated, and Castiel retracted his statement. "But okay. You can come… make me food, I guess."

They didn't say a single word to each other until they got to Castiel's apartment, the man hesitating to even open his door to Dean, but he eventually let him in.

It was messier than the last time Dean had been there, but not sloppy. Just unkempt. Castiel dropped his bags on the island in his kitchen then went to his room, coming out a minute later sans-jackets. Only a long-sleeved shirt was on him, the body of it loose on him compared to the last time Dean had seen him in it, but he still looked gorgeous, even in the disastrous state he was in.

Castiel blinked at him. "Yeah, I know I'm skinny."

Dean shook his head slightly. "No, that's…" He shook his head again, dropping what he was going to say. He grabbed a few candy bars from his pocket, putting the rest on Castiel's counter. He gave one to Castiel. "Eat it. Please."

He didn't touch it.

There was nothing in Castiel's apartment but boxed food, so Dean opted to make him macaroni and cheese.

He set a small bowl of it in front of Castiel when it was done, taking a similar sized bowl for himself, trying to urge Castiel to eat along with him.

Castiel followed and ate about half of his portion before pushing it away, setting his spoon down. "I'm done."

Dean frowned. "You've barely eaten a serving."

"I ate one!"

"I only put one serving in there."

Castiel stared at the bowl. "I don't want anymore."

"I'm not leaving 'till you finish it."

"Then I guess you're not going home."

"I guess I'm not." Dean was growing angry. He shoved himself back from the table, chair scratching across the floor as he pushed himself up, walking to Castiel's bedroom. "You know, I am pretty tired," he said, kicking off his shoes. "It's a good thing I'm staying here." He hopped on to Castiel's bed, crawling across it to his pillows, slamming down on top of them.

Castiel's scent began to surround him, and the hole in his chest began to swell and close, knowing that he was back around Castiel again. He knew it couldn't stay like that, so he gave himself a second to just absorb his surroundings before forcing himself out of his scent-induced trance. "Mmmmm, ohhhhh. Your bed is  _sooooooo_  comfortable."

Dean was rolling on his bed now, and Castiel was fed up with it, storming forward . He stopped by the edge of the bed. "Get off of my bed!"

"Go eat your mac."

"I'm not hungry."

"Then you're going to be a hospitable guest, and let me sleep in your bed." Dean rolled over. "We can share."

Castiel's eyes narrowed. "Or you can get out, as you said you wouldn't overstay your welcome."

"You said I wasn't going home." Dean stretched. "Now, if you'd excuse me," he muttered, rolling on to his side, facing away from Castiel.

A few beats of silence passed by, allowing dean to relax before Castiel was slamming in to his back, pushing him hard, trying to roll him off of his bed. "Get. Off!"

Dean pushed himself right back in to Castiel, rolling on to his stomach, then his knees, sitting up on all fours to push harder. The two of them were knocking in to each other, cheering every time one of them fell, only to be shoved once they were back up.

"It's my bed! Get off!" Castiel said, slamming his body in to Dean's.

"You said I'd- Stay!"

"I was being- Sarcastic!"

"You need to eat!"

Castiel growled and slammed hard in to Dean, knocking him down, sending himself rolling over Dean and off of his bed. He landed on his feet, and immediately pounced on top of Dean, who had rolled on to his back. He punched his chest. "It's my bed! Get off!"

"You're on top of me!" Dean said, struggling under Castiel.

"You've picked me up before."

Dean growled and slammed his hips up forward, trying to shake Castiel off, but Castiel gasped and moaned, and both of them froze.

Castiel was staring at Dean, eyes wide, both still frozen until Castiel sprung into action, quickly undoing Dean's jeans, worming them down over his ass as he slid down his own, getting them to his calves and giving up, unable to get them off over his shoes. He placed himself back down on Dean, rolling his hips down, moaning quietly again.

Castiel continued to roll his hips, urging Dean to form a solid rhythm with him. Dean began moaning quietly, and when Castiel dropped his head down, nuzzling Dean's neck with his nose.

Dean moaned. "Oh god, I've missed you so much. Feels so good to touch you."

"Shut up," Castiel groaned, bucking his hips down. "Shut up…" he muttered, his hips slowing to a stop.

Dean blinked up at him, still rolling his hip. "Why'd you sto-"

"Shut up," Castiel said again, sitting up completely. "Shut up. Shut up. No… No no…" Castiel pushed himself off of Dean sliding back and off the bed. "No no no no." He began to stumble back, smacking in to his wall, sliding to the floor. He kicked off his pants and shoes, tucking himself into a ball as Dean pushed himself to his knees, looking over the edge of the bed at Castiel.

"Cas?" Castiel was shaking his head vigorously, and Dean hopped off the bed, pulling his pants back up before walking forward, kneeling down in front of Castiel. "Cas?"

"God, Dean, no. No. no. I can't do this. Not with you. Not now. Not with you…"

"Ca-"

"I think you should go home." Dean waited another moment before nodding, pushing back up to his feet. Castiel pushed himself up to his feet, using the wall as support. "I'll walk you out."

Dean left Castiel's room, standing just outside of his apartment waiting for him to get his pants back on. Castiel joined him a moment later, walking him to the elevator. They stood in strained silence, Castiel picking at his nails, staring down at his shoe-less feet. They walked forward when the doors dinged open, coming to a stop at the entrance.

The snow had been falling like crazy during their time inside, and a nice wall of it was building up along the base of the door. It was about a foot and a half deep. Dean turned to look back at Castiel. "I'll… I'll see you around?"

Castiel nodded and Dean turned back around, prying the door open. He began to step outside, but there was a hand on his wrist, and he stopped, looking back.

Castiel had Dean's wrist in his hand, but he refused to look at him. "Dean… You can… Can stay here tonight. It's too far for you to walk in that much snow."

Dean let the door slide shut behind him. "Are you sure?"

Castiel nodded and dropped Dean's wrist, walking back toward the elevator.

He left his apartment door open as he moved back in to his bedroom. Dean went into the kitchen, pouring the uneaten macaroni in to a storage bowl. Castiel was standing at the doorway of the kitchen when Dean turned around from putting the bowl into the fridge, his arms packed full of blankets and a few pillows. "Are you okay with sleeping on the couch?"

Dean nodded and Castiel went into the living room, dropping the blankets on to the couch. Dean was far too close for his liking when he turned around, so he took a step back. "Let me know if you need anything, like more blankets, okay?"

Dean nodded and went to making his bed on the couch. Castiel stood and watched for a moment, his mind seeming to be racing, but he never said anything, and left into his room after a minute. Dean could hear him getting ready for bed, and it seemed as if both of them were about to fall asleep at the same time.

Dean understood why Castiel was tired, it wasn't hard to see why, but it was weird for him to be going to be early, if you could call it that. The exertion of seeing and being back around Castiel so rapidly when he'd become accustomed to being alone and without him had clearly worn him out, and he was asleep within minutes.

The storm knocked the power out a few hours later, waking Castiel up from his too-light sleep. He tried to doze back off, but the temperature was steadily growing colder, and he couldn't stand it.

He wrapped a blanket around himself as he padded out to his living room, kneeling down in front of Dean on the couch. He poked an arm out from his bundled up blanket, and placed it on Dean's shoulder, gently shaking it. "Dean," he whispered. "Dean. Wake up. Dean."

Dean snuffed himself awake, eyes rolling around the room as he adjusted to the dark. He looked at Castiel. "Cas? What're you doing?"

"I'm cold," he explained. "The power went out."

"Oh," Dean said, sitting up with a deep yawn. "You want some of my blankets? I'm not cold." Castiel shook his head. "Then what do you want?"

Castiel slid his hand down from Dean's shoulder to grab his wrist, tugging gently on it as he stood up.

Dean followed him blindly, stopping when he saw Castiel was leading him to his room. "Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"We're not going to do anything," Castiel replied, pulling Dean along. He had a mountain of blankets on his bed, even more ready if he needed them. He crawled in to bed, gesturing for Dean to join him.

"What do you want me to do, Cas?"

"Hold me."

Dean couldn't object to that, and he was crawling in to Castiel's bed, sliding in to the blankets, pressing up against him, draping an arm around him as he held Castiel close. Dean didn't have any pants on, just his boxers, but Castiel was clothed, making it a lot less awkward of a situation.

All Dean could think about was how nice it was to finally have Castiel back in his arms, the light scent of his cologne washing over him as he nuzzled his head into a pillow, his warm body pressed to his own. Dean felt as is a solid weight had been lifted from him, and the only thing keeping him down was Castiel's solid form beside him.

"Goodnight, Cas," he said, not expecting anything back.

"Good night, Dean."

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You liiiiike it?
> 
> Sorry this is short. I really wanted to get it out, and this seemed like a good place to stop chapter wise, you know? I have a plan, as I sorta cut this chapter in half, almost, i guess, idk, but anyway, because I have a plan, the next chapter should be out pretty soon, you know.
> 
> Also I have a new story! Yay! Shooting and Falling is the name, if you want to know, and Castiel is the son of a crime lord, and Dean saves his life, and yeah, so yeah! Check it out, if you want.
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading! And let me know what you think!
> 
> :)


	9. Snowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel wake up together, snowed in to Castiel's apartment.

Dean woke up alone. He was still surrounded by Castiel's scent, but his body wasn't in his arms, and that hurt more than he thought it would. A blanket of snow was coating the two windows in Castiel's bedroom, dampening the already shaded sun from flowing in. Dean yawned at sat up, the blankets sliding off his body, sending an immediate chill through him.

Grabbing a blanket to wrap around himself, Dean was padding out into Castiel's living room, which was just as dark due to snow cover. Castiel was curled up in a ball, sitting upright with a blanked bundled around him.

"Morning," Dean said."

Castiel looked up at Dean. "Good morning."

Castiel looked more of a mess than he did the night before. Dean sat down beside him on the couch. "You're a mess."

"I know."

"When was the last time you showered?" Castiel shrugged, and Dean frowned. "You need to take care of yourself, Cas."

"Why? Do I smell bad?"

"No."

"Then I don't need to shower."

"You should."

"I'm not going to."

Dean groaned and pushed himself to his feet, walking in to Castiel's bathroom. He turned on the water in the tub after dropping to his knees, letting it run for a few minutes, letting the water heat up before popping the plug in. Castiel came in a minute later.

"What are you doing?"

"Making you a bath."

Castiel was standing in the doorway, wrapped in a blanket as he glared at Dean. "Stop that."

"No."

"I'm not taking a bath! Especially not with you!"

"I won't get in the bath with you," Dean said, looking back at him. "Why would I? We're not back together."

"I'm still not getting in there."

"Cas," Dean started, pushing himself to his feet with a sigh. "I want you to be taken care of, and clearly that's not happening. I don't know when you fell in to this… funk, but I want to help bring you out of it."

"You're only here for, what? Until the airports open back up?"

"I'll stay as long as I need to."

Castiel huffed, pulling his blanket tighter around him. "And what if I don't want you to?"

Dean stepped forward, cupping Castiel's face with his hands. "Why won't you take care of yourself?"

Castiel didn't answer, his eyes pointed down at the floor though Dean wouldn't let go of his face. He kicked the faucet off when the tub looked full enough, and Castiel still hadn't responded. "Cas?" he prompted.

"Because I don't have a reason to."

"I'll be your reason."

Dean was still holding his face, and Castiel tried to break free from his fingers. "Dean, I'm just too tired right now."

"I'll wash you. We won't be naked!" he added as Castiel's eyebrows furrowed. "We'll wear whatever you're comfortable with. But please, Cas. You'll feel a lot better after."

Castiel was hesitant but finally agreed. "Okay. Please wear your boxers."

Dean nodded and stripped off his shirt and socks, already in his boxers. He waited for a minute until he realized Castiel wanted him to get in first. He did. He held out a hand for Castiel once he was stripped down to his boxers. Dean tried not to stare at the protruding bones and how sick it made him to look at the once-healthy Castiel. But he was still gorgeous, his skin tanned and smooth even in the frigid winter.

Castiel took Dean's hand as he stepped into the hot water. It wasn't as steamy as he was used to, but he couldn't blame Dean for that. He stood in the water, looking down for somewhere to sit. Dean patted between his legs, and Castiel nestled himself between them cautiously.

"Just relax," Dean murmured. "I won't do a damn thing you don't want me to."

Castiel slowly let his muscles relax as Dean placed his hands on his arms, waiting until Castiel was ready. "You can do what you… need," Castiel said cautiously.

Dean reached to the corner to grab one of Castiel's body wash bottles, pouring a bit into his hand. "Don't be afraid to tell me to stop," he muttered as he lathered the soap. He placed his hands on Castiel's chest, gently working them across his skin. Castiel shivered when Dean's fingertips brushed over a few places on his stomach, and he wouldn't be lying if he said he hadn't been a little uncomfortable with Dean washing up his ribs and his underarms, down to his hands, but Dean didn't seem to mind.

Dean cupped his fingers to form a bowl in the water in front of Castiel, bringing handfuls of it up to dump on Castiel, rinsing the soap off. He poured some more soap in to his hair, working it in to a lather before massaging it in Castiel's hair. He was gentle and careful as he rinsed it off, barring one hand at his hairline as the other dumped water on his head, sure not to let soap in to Castiel's eyes.

Castiel relaxed completely against Dean, his hair sticking to Dean's chest while the other continued to gently run water and his fingers through it, despite the fact there was no more soap in his hair.

Without warning, Castiel rolled over on to his stomach, causing Dean to shift himself to allow Castiel to lay on top of him comfortably, his head high on his chest near his shoulder. Dean took the opportunity to rub soap over his back, fingers massaging his muscles while he was at it. It was easy to get the soap off in their new position, but Castiel didn't seem to want to get up, and Dean had no issues laying in the water with him. He wrapped his arms around his body, holding him close.

Castiel finally spoke up after a good twenty minutes of lying together. "I think I'd like to get out."

"Oh…" Dean muttered, taking a deep breath, waking himself up from the relaxed state he had been in. "Okay."

Castiel pushed himself off of Dean and into a sitting position. Dean was the first to stand. "I'll go change first. You can… Clean yourself some more while I do."

"You can borrow some boxers," Castiel said. "And you know the pair of sweats that fit you best. Wear those too."

"You sure?"

"Positive."

Dean nodded and grabbed a towel, drying himself off the best he could before walking out in to Castiel's bedroom.

He had heard the light patter of something behind him, but he was still shocked when a body pressed up behind his own, a chin coming to rest on his shoulder, and hands sliding low around his waist, covering the edge of the rolled over towel he had wrapped around his naked body. Dean gulped. "Cas?"

"Shhh," Castiel replied, kissing behind Dean's ear, sending a shiver through Dean's body. "Just let me hold you."

"You can do more than that," Dean whispered, pressing lightly back in to Castiel who pushed harder in to him in return.

"Oh, Dean," Castiel muttered, dropping his nose, running it up the length of Dean's neck, pressing another kiss behind his ear. "I want to."

Dean turned in Castiel's arms, grabbing on to his biceps. "Why don't you?" he asked, voice low, eyes heavily lidded.

"Dean…" Castiel whispered, his sexual mood dissipating as he stared down at Dean's bare abdomen. "Dean, I… I don't think I can."

"Why not?"

"Because you… you broke my heart, Dean. I don't think I can… open myself up to… to sex. Not with you."

"Are you still sexually attracted to me?" Dean asked out of the blue. Castiel nodded once. "Do you still have feelings for me?" Castiel wouldn't say anything, so Dean slid his hand forward, hooking a finger under his chin, tipping his head up. "Do you still have feelings for me?"

"Dean…" Castiel said weakly, refusing to meet Dean's eyes.

Dean's eyes went soft. "Cas… Look at me, please." Castiel waited a minute, but rolled his eyes up, looking in to Dean's. "Do you?"

"I- I…" Castiel shrugged, his shoulders barely lifting before falling back down.

Dean swallowed. "Cas, I wanna kiss you. I know that spark will still be there for me, but I need to know if it is for you. If you still feel something for me, if that spark's still there… We can work on it, Cas. Our relationship. We can be happy together again."

"And if it's not there?"

"Then we can move on knowing it's best that we're not together."

Castiel consented with a nod after a while, and Dean slid his hand from Castiel's chin up to cup his cheek, thumb brushing lightly across his cheekbone. Castiel slid his hand forward to rest on Dean's hips. His eyelids fluttered shut as Dean moved in, pausing to take a moment to look over Castiel's face, the knot in his stomach growing tighter and tighter as Castiel's lips parted slightly, and he moved in even more.

He gave himself a pause, calming himself the best he could before leaning in the whole way, locking their lips together gently. Castiel pressed back in to the kiss just as gently. They held it for a moment before Castiel whined in the back of his throat, his fingers tightening on Dean's hips as he tugged him closer, locking their lips tighter.

Castiel smashed his hips in to Dean's, knocking their towels off of their bodies. Their bare bodies rubbed together and Castiel gasped, a shiver running up his spine, both of chill and pleasure, causing him to moan.

Dean dropped his hands down to Castiel's ass as the other's came up to wrap around Dean's neck. Castiel hopped up, wrapping his legs around Dean's waist, slipping his tongue in to Dean's mouth, a whining moan escaping his lips.

"Oh god, Dean, I need you," he gasped out as they both broke the kiss to catch their breath. "I need you. I need you. Please."

"You have me, Cas. As long as you want me."

"I want you  _now_. Have sex with me, Dean."

Dean had no issues with that, immediately digging through Castiel's drawers to find what he needed after he dropped Castiel on the bed. He crawled back over him, wasting no time in opening the lube, slicking his fingers with it before kising Castiel, who spread his legs willingly, nestling back on his pillows.

"Are you sure about this?" Dean asked, fingers circling around Castiel's entrance.

Castiel nodded. "Fuck me."

Dean shoved his finger in, causing Castiel to gasp, and even more so as Dean began to fuck him with his fingers, adding another digit after a minute, and a third, Castiel not complaining about either.

When Dean pulled back to roll a condom on, Castiel rolled on to his stomach, pushing his ass in to the air for Dean.

Dean grabbed his hips. "Like this?"

"Just fuck me, Dean."

He did.

Castiel was practically yelling in to the bed as Dean fucked in to him, rubbing himself off, not letting Dean do so. He came shortly after Dean, who collapsed on the bed when he was done. Castiel immediately straddled himself on his hips, kissing him fervently and repeatedly. Dean let him for a minute before pressing his head in to the mattress, trying to get away.

"Cas, would you give me a second?"

"What for?"

"Well, I'd like to get this condom off."

Castiel got off of Dean's hips, pinching the tip of the condom, pulling it off carefully and tying it before throwing it toward the trashcan beside his bed. He slid back on to him, kissing Dean deeply without warning, and Dean made a muffled sound of protest, pressing on Castiel's neck to push him away. "Cas, stop!"

"No, Dean."

"Cas."

"Dean." They were locked in a stare down, Castiel's jaw hard. He tried to lean in for another kiss, but Dean prevented him from doing so. "Let me kiss you!"

"You have been kissing me!"

"Let me do it more!"

"Be gentle!"

"No!"

Their voices were rising, and it worried Dean. "Why are we fighting already?"

"Because you're using me."

Dean narrowed his eyes, knitting his brows together. "What?"

"You're using me."

"No I'm not."

"Then why'd you just have sex with me?"

Dean pushed himself up into a sitting position, causing Castiel to get off of his hips, sitting in front of him. Dean crossed his legs. "I had sex with you because I love you, and miss you, and you asked me to."

"You don't love me."

"Of course I do."

Castiel was glaring at Dean. "No you don't.

"Yes I do! I have since the first night we had sex! Probably even before then!"

"So, what?" Castiel asked, eyes growing hard along with his voice. "You fucked me, then decided you 'loved me'? Wow. I'm an idiot for even believing that when it happened," he added on, crossing his arms.

"I didn't fuck you on the fourth! I made love to you, Cas. And I did again the day you left me, and I've loved you ever since!"

"Ever since I left? That's sad, Dean."

"No. It's dedication and true love. I wanted to hate you, Cas. To forget about you. But you wouldn't fucking let me! Every time I started to get over you, you'd just jump right back in to my thoughts. You stole my heart a long time ago, Cas, and it took me a few months to realize I'd never get it back, and that truthfully, I didn't want it anymore. I wanted you to keep it. I still do…"

Castiel was still glaring at Dean, but the rest of his demeanor had softened. "Why do you say you love me?"

"Because I do."

"Why do you think that?"

"I don't have to think it, Cas! I feel it. Every time I see your face, or hear your voice, or even get texts from you… My heart just… takes off. Remember back in France, when I made you feel my heartbeat?" Castiel nodded. "You can't fake something like that, Cas, and you do it to me every time. Every time."

Dean reached forward to pull Castiel's hands out, holding them, rubbing his thumb across his knuckles. Castiel sighed. "If you loved me this much, why did you give me up."

"I didn't, Cas."

"I heard the message, Dean! I heard the ultimatum: me or your career."

"But you didn't hear my answer."

"Did I need to? I'm a fucked-up college student, and you're a famous rockstar, Dean. You could have anybody else in the world, find someone just like me if you needed to. Obviously you'd choose your music."

"I would have chosen you, Cas. I still would."

Castiel refused to meet Dean's eye, and Dean didn't push him. "Dean," Castiel started after a few minutes. "I… I don't know if I can be in a relationship with you again. I want you,  _god_  do I want you. I mean, the sex… Wow. And you romanced me in a way I'd never experienced before… But what if another situation like this crops up? I can't have my heart on the line again, Dean. I can't."

"I'd chose you over anything and everything, Cas. I mean it. You just ran out on me too early last time for me to tell you that."

"Is that what you wanted to tell me over the message you left the day we broke up? That you would chose me regardless of what you could lose?" Dean nodded. Castiel fell silent again and Dean dropped his hands to pat his lap lightly. Castiel crawled forward on to it, wrapping his arms around him, resting his head on his shoulder as Dean pulled one of the blankets on the bed up and around them, growing cold now that they'd calmed down.

"Do I get you back?" Dean muttered after a while. "Do I get one more chance with you?"

"I feel I should be the one asking you that."

"It's not a question. I was always yours."

Castiel hugged Dean closer, nuzzling his cheek in to Dean's shoulder. "If you still want me, Dean, then yes."

Dean smiled lightly. "We're back together?"

"Yeah."

"You're my baby again?"

Castiel slid his head back to look at Dean. "I'm your baby again."

Dean kissed Castiel softly, his heart swelling, the hole in his chest finally closing after a long six months without the love of his life, and it felt good. He broke the kiss with a bright smile. "I have you back. I have you back!"

"You have me, Dean."

"I'm never letting you go."

 

* * *

 

 

Castiel fell asleep with his fingers tangled in Dean's hair and on top of his lap, but Dean didn't mind, spending the time alone to mess with Castiel's hair in return and take in his body, the one he'd been missing for so long.

When Castiel woke up, he pressed a soft kiss to Dean's neck, sending a shiver down the other's spine. "Sleep well?"

"Mmm," Castiel hummed, rubbing his eyes sleepily with the back one of his hands as he pulled away from Dean's neck, the other still tangled in Dean's hair. "It sure felt nice."

"I know. It was nice to hold you again. Properly, at least."

"Felt good to be held."

They both leaned in for a kiss, soft and gentle. They broke with a smile.

"Can we talk?" Dean asked after a minute.

"That always was something we did that I liked."

"That's what I want to talk about," Dean said as Castiel crawled back off his lap, the two of them leaning on Castiel's headboard, angled slightly toward each other. "We always talk about everything. Why didn't you let me talk that day back in July?"

"Because I didn't want you to lie to me. To try and get me back when I was vulnerable, Dean."

"What makes now different?"

"I thought my feelings for you would change, and I would get over you, but I didn't. And when I saw you in that grocery store, I wanted to slap you for making me as miserable as I was, but when you kissed me earlier… Dean, I was gone all over again. You… You told me you loved me, and I'm still not sure I believe it, but it's been so long, and you still want me… There's gotta be something between us, right? It can't all just be a game."

"So you're taking me back because you don't think I'm lying anymore."

"Yes." Dean nodded and Castiel continued. "So, what's going to happen when your publicist finds out we're back together again? Will there be another ultimatum?"

"I got rid of Mitchell. I lost Finn too, but I found someone new. They said they don't care if I'm with a guy, but if it ever comes down to it again, I'd choose you." Castiel shifted closer to Dean, and Dean continued. "So why were you kissing me so hard earlier?"

"Trying to make up for lost time."

"Then why'd you turn on me so fast?"

"Because I thought you didn't want it. Didn't want me.

"Of course I want you. I always have."

"Even when I look like shit?"

Dean shrugged. "Yeah."

Castiel grinned and shifted closer once more, curling in to Dean. "Will you say it?"

"Say what? Oh," Dean said with a nod, understanding. He leaned in and down, pressing a kiss to Castiel's temple. "I love you."

Castiel smiled. "Thank you."

"Of course. Now, Cas, will you come eat something with me? There's a bunch of mac and cheese left over."

"I'd love to."

Castiel still didn't eat much, leaving most of it to Dean, but at least he ate something, and that comforted Dean immensely. It was the only perishable in Castiel's fridge, aside from some milk that Dean poured chocolate powder in to, splitting it between the two of them. Castiel drank that, then complained of how full he was, and Dean let it slide.

They spent some time in bed together once it was too dark for them to play boardgames any longer, the both of them taking their sweet time exploring the other's body, getting each other off more than a few times.

The power came back on while they were asleep, but they didn't notice until they woke up in the morning, Castiel's radio faintly playing a song.

They opted to watch movies once checking to see if they could leave the hotel. They were told the sidewalks would be clear enough to walk on by 5, so they spent the time curled together watching whatever Castiel had and sharing kisses and light touches.

"Cas?" Dean asked after a while.

"Yeah?"

"Will you do something for, and with, me?"

"What's that?" Castiel asked, shifting to look up at Dean from his lap, where his head had been resting.

"I want you to meet Sam."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't have any notes to put up top oops
> 
> Anyway, you likkkke? There'll be two more chapters as far as I'm concerned, so, yeah!
> 
> So, let me know what you think, and especially now, let me know anything you'd like to see in these next two chapters. Keep in mind, I have a few drabbles to go with this kind of Rockstar!verse so keep your eye out for those I guess
> 
> :)


	10. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas meets Dean, and things go down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, uhhh, here it is!

Castiel was hesitant to say yes, but with Dean's endearing and soft look, as well as his gentle touches, he finally agreed.

Dean had called Sam after charging his phone, asking if he and Jessica could leave the hotel, and if it were possible for them to meet up.

"Meet  _us_?" Sam questioned from the other end of the line as Castiel stood behind Dean, kneading his shoulder muscles.

"Yeah,  _us_."

"Who's us? Wait, did you meet up with that guy? Cas, or whatever? The one in the store..."

"Yeah, Sammy."

"Didn't you guys break up?"

"Back together."

"…As long as he makes you happy," Sam replied, and Dean rolled his eyes.

"Oh, he does, Sam. Very happy." Castiel pressed a kiss to the base of Dean's neck, working his lips up and down. Dean sighed. "So, can you meet us for like, dinner, or something?"

There was murmuring on the other line, then Sam was back. "Jess says she wants Italian, if that's okay."

"That's fine." Dean looked back at Castiel, getting the name of the best Italian place around, repeating it for Sam, making plans for 6 p.m.

Castiel was beginning to freak out. Dean had him dressed in a long shirt and his leather jacket, paired with jeans. "Dean, I'm not ready to meet your family."

"They're ready to meet you."

"Dean," Castiel said, grabbing Dean's arms. "We just got back together. Are you sure it's the right time?"

"I'm never letting you go again. I think any time is the right time."

"What if they don't like me?"

"They will, Cas."

"How do you know?"

"I love them because they love me, and they'll love you because I love you."

"But what if they don't?"

Dean stepped in, twisting his arms to grab Castiel's hands. He kissed his forehead. "Don't worry about it, Cas. They'll love you. And if for some reason they don't, it won't change how I feel about you."

"Dean…"

"Cas." Castiel was quiet, so Dean brought their linked hands up, cupping his face, pulling him in to kiss him. "I promise nothing bad will happen. Now come on, we've gotta go to dinner."

Castiel pulled away from Dean, letting the other go and grab the jacket he had been wearing but Castiel stopped him out in the living room, where he was pulling it on. Castiel held the bunched up chest of Dean's leather jacket in his hand. He pushed it out to him, waving it until Dean grabbed it.

"This is mine?"

Castiel nodded. "You need a warmer jacket, and… Well, it doesn't smell like you anymore."

Dean took his jacket, dropping his previous one as he slipped on the leather. He handed over his fleece jacket, the one he was originally wearing. "You can have this one for a while." He turned his head, smelling his leather jacket. "This one smells like you."

"I'd imagine. I slept with it more than a few times."

"Is it still your safety blanket?"

Castiel nodded, stepping forward to grab the lapels of Dean's jacket, rubbing the well-worn leather between his fingers. "Let's go to dinner."

They held hands as they left Castiel's apartment building, standing close together as the freezing air whipped around them. The sidewalks had a light powdering of snow over them, but it was completely walkable, and they got to their restaurant a few minutes before Sam and Jess.

"Sammy!" Dean grinned as the huge man lumbered in, his bright-haired girlfriend at his side. Dean yanked his brother down in to a hug as he stood from the table they'd been seated at, gaining a laugh from the other man.

"Dean, I saw you like, two days ago."

"Yeah, but you're safe," Dean said, dropping from the hug. He stepped around to hug Jess, who was standing behind Sam, and Sam smiled at Castiel.

"Hey," he said, stepping to him. Castiel shrunk at the mere size of Sam. "Heard you're the heartbreaker my brother's in love with." Castiel stared up at Sam with large eyes, and Sam stuck his hand out for Castiel to shake. "Nice to meet you."

"You too," Castiel replied, dropping Sam's hand and sitting back at their table. Dean followed shortly after. "I thought you said he was your baby brother?"

All three at the table laughed. "He is," Dean replied, grinning at Sam. "Always will be."

"I'm taller than you! You can't call me baby brother anymore."

"Sure I can, Sammy."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yeah-huh."

Sam and Dean continued arguing and Jessica looked at Castiel, grinning at him. "You just gotta love those Winchesters."

"It's hard not to," Castiel agreed, smiling at Dean for a moment before returning his attention back to Jessica. "So how did you two meet?"

The boys turned their attention to Jessica as she began telling the story of how they'd met in college. Dean was grinning as he reached over to grab Castiel's hand. Castiel threaded their fingers together, though kept his eyes on Jessica as she spoke.

She looked to Castiel when she finished. "And how'd you meet Dean?"

"In a movie theater."

"What?"

Castiel was gaping at Jessica, surprised at her surprise, so Dean continued. "Yeah. He was being really loud and talking so I shut him up by kissing him."

Castiel glared at Dean. "No."

"That's what happened, babe. Don't try to hide it."

"Dean!"

Jessica was laughing quietly, and Sam was rolling his eyes. "So, what really happened?"

"We were talking in a children's movie, and we were told to shut up. Thank god Dean had a sharpie."

"You wrote on each other in a movie theater?" Castiel nodded, and Jessica aww'd. "That's so sweet. When did you guys get together?"

"Three days after we met."

"We didn't really even get together officially," Dean added. "We just sorta… Knew."

"Knew that you belonged together?" Jessica aww'd again, and Sam rolled his eyes. Dean kicked him under the table.

"Ow, Dean. What was that about?" Sam asked, squinting his eyes at Dean.

"Stop rolling your eyes."

"What? It's cheesy."

"It's sweet," Jessica said, reaching over to hold Sam's hand.

"So, what?" Sam asked. "You two met, and after three days knew you were made for each other?"

"Yeah," Dean nodded. "I mean, I don't know about Cas, but I knew that I'd end up loving him, whether he wanted me to or not."

"Obviously he didn't feel the same way or he wouldn't have pulled such a dick move, leaving you alone with no contact after you told him you loved him."

"Sam!"

"It's true!" Dean had tightened his hold on Castiel's hand, scooting closer to him. Castiel was trying to scoot away, and Dean was trying to get Sam to stop, but he continued. "I mean, really? Why would you run at love? What, were you abused or something? Taught that love would never come to you? You fucked up, or something?"

Castiel was staring at Sam with hurt and horrified eyes, shaking lightly. He shoved himself away from the table and out of Dean's hold, heading to the exit of the restaurant.

Dean watched him walk away for a moment, gaping at him before glaring at Sam. "Damn it, Sam!" Dean shoved himself back from the table, racing after Castiel. "Cas. Baby, wait." Dean caught up to him just outside the restaurant. He grabbed his arm, tugging him to a stop.

Castiel looked back at him, looking as though he were on the verge of tears. "Why, Dean? I can't go back in there."

Dean grabbed his hands. "Cas, baby, yes you can."

"Not if he's going to act like that!"

"He didn't know any better!"

"He's a grown man, Dean!" Castiel said, voice cracking, though he didn't try to pull or break away from Dean.

"He didn't know you'd been through any of that!"

"He should know better than to bring it up, though! Dean…"

"Cas," Dean started, stepping closer. He brought both of their hands up as he cupped Castiel's face. "Cas." He took another step in and kissed him. "I love you, baby. Please come back in."

Castiel shook his head, though still didn't try to break away. "Dean…"

"Cas." He kissed him again. "Jess is talking to Sam. She'll talk some sense in to him. Cas, baby, please."

Castiel was hesitant, but he finally nodded. "Okay."

"Okay?"

Castiel nodded again. "Okay."

"Okay," Dean said with a slight grin, kissing Castiel again. "Okay, baby. Let's go back in."

Dean kissed Castiel's forehead before dropping their hands from Castiel's face, letting go of one of them as he led Castiel in to the restaurant. Jessica was lecturing Sam quietly under her breath. She stopped when she spotted the men coming in. She smiled apologetically at Castiel.

She elbowed Sam once the men sat down, and Sam grumbled. "I'm sorry," he said to Castiel. "I was… Over my bounds."

"It's okay," Castiel muttered, and Dean leaned in to kiss his cheekbone. Castiel shifted his chair closer to him, and Dean took hold of his hand again.

The conversation passed the time, but it was tight and strained between Sam and Castiel. Their food finally showed up, however, and that seemed to ease the tension, though it picked right back up again as the bar across the restaurant opened up, and Jessica asked Dean to join her in getting a few beers for the table.

Castiel stared at Dean with wide eyes, unwilling to let go of his hand. Dean sent him a look, however, and Castiel backed off. He refused to meet Sam's eye until the other gave up with a sigh. "Listen, man, I'm sorry for earlier." Castiel looked up and Sam continued. "But, I mean, you broke my brother, and his heart. And he sees you again out of nowhere, and suddenly he's right back in love with you. What kind of shit is that?" Castiel was beginning to look hurt again, so Sam took it back. "I mean, he clearly loves you, so it's not just an illusion, but you can understand why it's hard for me to trust you, right? You hurt him so bad…"

"I know. But you have to understand that at the time I left him, I thought he had been playing me. That was… hard to go through, Sam. Very hard…"

"So why didn't you just talk to him about it?"

"I didn't want him to lie."

Sam was quiet for a minute, and then nodded. "I can see that. Just… Promise you won't hurt my brother again, okay?"

"I promise."

Sam grinned at him. "Good.

Dean and Jessica returned shortly after, handing beers to their respective boyfriends. Castiel leaned in and kissed Dean's cheek, thanking him as he took a gulp of his beer.

The rest of the evening passed nicely, the four of them drinking and talking, Castiel and Jessica eventually fading out to talk to each other or just listen to Sam and Dean catch up. They parted ways when they were done with their night, Sam hugging Castiel, which shocked him.

Castiel grabbed Dean's hand once they were outside of the restaurant, heading in the opposite direction of Sam and Jessica. Dean looked at him. "You and Sam seemed to get along after a while."

"Yeah, we talked when you and Jessica were gone."

"We hoped you would."

Castiel bumped his shoulder against Dean's. "And what if we had argued more?"

Dean shrugged. "I'd smack him? Call him a bitch?"

Castiel laughed. "I'm sure you would."

They walked in silence for the rest of the trip back to Castiel's apartment, and began stripping each other the moment they were in it and the door was shut behind them.

Dean had Castiel pinned up against the wall beside the door, both of their shirts and pants off, kissing up his neck. "God, Cas. I've been wanting to do this since you walked out of the restaurant."

"Why?" Castiel asked, bringing a hand up to thread in Dean's hair.

"You looked so hurt. I just wanted to fuck it out of you."

"Oh, you know that I want that, Dean. God, do I want that…" he started, knocking Dean's lips away from his neck to attach his own to Dean's shoulder.

"But you're too tired?" Dean supplied, sliding his hands up Castiel's hips, tilting his head back, enjoying the feeling of his lips on his skin.

"Mhmm," Castiel hummed, turning his head to kiss Dean's neck. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, baby. It's not your fault. I'm actually proud of you."

"What for?" Castiel asked, pulling back from Dean's neck to look at him.

"You went out even though you were nervous, and you ate all of your food."

"You're proud of that?"

"So proud." Dean brought his hands up to cup Castiel's face, leaning in to kiss him. "So proud."

"Why?"

"You're improving, Cas. Already. That's so amazing, baby." Dean kissed him again.

Castiel brought his hands up to cover Dean's. "Can we go to bed?"

"Yeah, yeah. I was actually hoping we could talk, though…"

"Can we do it in bed?" Dean nodded. "Then we can talk."

Dean led Castiel back into his room, letting him crawl into bed first before joining him, grabbing his hands as he twined their legs together. He kissed him. "You sure you're okay to talk? Not too tired, right?"

"I'm fine, Dean. What do you want to talk about?"

"You. Cas, why did you lose so much weight?"

"What do you mean, 'why'?"

"I mean," Dean started to explain, rolling his eyes as he thought of how to phrase it. "I mean, did you… starve, or-"

"Dean, you think I'm starving myself?"

Dean snapped his eyes to Castiel. "No, no. I mean… Kinda…"

"Dean," Castiel said, shaking his head lightly. "I'm not doing it on purpose. I'm not punishing myself. I just… Don't have much of an appetite."

"Because you're depressed?"

Castiel stiffened at the term, but nodded. "Yeah."

Dean frowned. "Why don't you like admitting you're depressed?"

"It makes me feel weak," Castiel muttered.

"You're not weak, Cas. Baby, you're so strong."

"Doesn't make me feel that way, Dean. Can we drop it?"

Dean kissed Castiel. "Of course."

"Anything else you'd like to talk about?" Castiel asked, yawning quietly.

"What did you do while we were apart?"

Castiel sighed. "I went to school, and slept. I mean, I tried to be with a few other guys, but… But none of them were you, Dean. I couldn't even kiss them. It felt weird just to touch them. And that made me hate you so much. I mean, you fucked up my possible future relationships before they could even start!"

"But it's best they didn't work out."

"I would have gone back to you anyway," Castiel said. "Even if I was with someone else. If you'd have asked me to kiss you… I would've been gone again, Dean. So gone."

"I love you."

Castiel pressed forward, nuzzling his head against Dean's shoulder, causing the other to roll on to his back. He scooted closer, placing his head on top of Dean's chest. "Thank you, Dean."

"Of course. Baby, when do you go back to school?"

"Two days."

Dean nodded once. "What are we going to do once I'm back in LA? I wanna stay, Cas, but I don't want to distract you."

Castiel took a deep breath. "We'll see each other ever other weekend? I'll come visit you over spring break, and then you'll come here for my graduation."

"And then?"

"I don't know. I get a job?"

"You can move in with me in LA."

"You want me to?"

"Of course I do."

"We'll talk some more about it when the time comes, okay?"

"Okay," Dean agreed. "You tired?"

"Very."

"Let's go to sleep then, baby."

"Okay. Goodnight, Dean."

"Goodnight, Cas. I love you."

* * *

Castiel hugged Dean goodbye at the airport the day before he started school again, jumping up on to him as they kissed in the security line, Sam and Jessica rolling their eyes with slight smiles as they walked ahead of the pair through the line.

"I don't want you to go," Castiel breathed, breaking the kiss.

"I don't want to go, either," Dean replied, kissing Castiel again, holding him close.

Castiel tightened his legs around him when he got near the front of the line, and the security man told him he'd have to leave. He swallowed hard, hopping off of Dean, slipping under the security rope. "I don't want to say goodbye."

"You'll see me in a month, Cas. It'll be okay." He kissed him. "We'll make it." He kissed him once more, holding on to his face. "I love you, baby. Okay? I love you."

Castiel kissed Dean one last time, waving goodbye weakly as Dean stepped through the security, walking away from him.

Even though he said they'd talk about it another time, Castiel had taken advantage of visiting Dean over spring break, using the time to bring some of his things over. Every weekend Dean came to see Castiel, he'd take home a bit more of his things, slowly moving the other out of his apartment. His lease ended a few days after he graduated, but it wasn't an issue. None of his stuff was there anymore.

When Castiel graduated, Dean was sitting there right beside Castiel's mother and father, as well as his grandparents. All had been shocked to see Castiel run up to him first, kissing him deeply, his graduation cap falling off his head as Dean cupped the back of his head.

Dean published a picture to twitter that evening, both he and Castiel smiling at the camera, Castiel in his gown, holding up his diploma. " _Gotta love him. Congrats, baby. #congratscastiel_ " read the caption, and within 30 minutes, the servers were flooded with congrats sent to Castiel, getting the topic trending.

They moved the last of Castiel's things the next day, also marking the start of them living together.

They'd finally unpacked all of Castiel's things, merging them nicely into Dean's monster of an apartment. They collapsed down on Dean couch, flicking on the TV, Castiel curling in to Dean's side.

"Thank you," Castiel said, kissing Dean's cheek.

"For what?"

"Everything."

Dean smiled and kissed Castiel's lips softly, doing so a few times, grin widening each time. "I love you."

Castiel smiled. "I know."

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. I'm still not satisfied with it, but endings are... well, kinda hard. And don't fret, there's one more chapter that'll hopefully wrap this up.
> 
> I'm sorta freaking out. It's like I'm letting go of my baby. This feels weird.
> 
> That being said, the next chapter should be the last, and if there is absolutely anything you'd like to see or for me to address, please let me know. I don't want to leave you unsatisfied with this, so, really. Let me know.
> 
> Anyway, until next time!
> 
> :)


	11. Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wrap up!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may cry...

 

Castiel was slammed up against the unfamiliar wall, the middle buttons of his blue button-up shirt popped open, his black overcoat pushed back. Dean's hands were sliding in to his shirt, gliding down over his hips and back up to the back of his waist, pulling him close as lips were attached to his neck.

"God, you're so sexy," Dean muttered against his skin, thumbs working in circles over his sides as Castiel's hand went up to fist in Dean's hair. "So fucking sexy."

"We've only been here for twenty minutes, Dean."

"So. Fucking. Sexy."

The green room at the award show Dean was presenting at, and also nominated at, was quiet and small, and Castiel felt a bit exposed having his body worked over and his new suit rumpled by Dean after only wearing it for a grand total of less than an hour. "And you look good too, Dean, but I'd prefer if my suit wasn't destroyed by all of this."

"Then take it off," he mumbled against his neck, moving to a new spot. "I don't mind."

Castiel wanted to complain about the hickeys, and how visible they were, but he knew it would do no good. "Dean, sweetie, we have to be out in our seats in…" He looked at his watch. "Now."

Dean pulled away with a grin. "You called me sweetie."

"Yeah?"

"I love it when you give me pet names," he replied, kissing Castiel once on the lips before stepping back, bending down slightly to re-button all of the ones he'd opened.

He pulled Castiel in to a hug, squeezing him tight. Castiel was a bit confused by it, but hugged him back nonetheless. "Cas, baby?"

"Yeah, Dean?"

"I want you to know that no matter what happens tonight… Baby, I will always love you."

Castiel narrowed his eyes, biting back a confused grin of sorts. "Dean, you're nominated for a few awards. It's not like I'm going to break up with you if you don't win any."

"I know, baby. I know…" Dean said, straightening Castiel's tie. "It's just…" He kissed him solidly, hands coming up to cup his face. "I love you, Cas."

"I love you too, Dean."

Dean smiled as he pulled back completely, hands dropping from Castiel's face to his shoulders, smoothing out his overcoat. "You ready to go out there, baby?"

"I'm here for you, Dean. Of course I am."

Dean held out his hand. "Let's go."

Castiel took it, and they walked out of the room and down a hall, heading out to their seats in the front row, center of the stage. They held hands through most of the show, only letting go to clap, or when Dean had to leave to present.

He was nominated for 6 awards, and won his first five, much to his surprise. The sixth and final award he was up for was for 'Best New Song' and he was favored to win, so it was no surprise when his name was called.

Castiel sat looking up at Dean with a beaming smile on his face that he tried to hide as the camera panned on him clapping for his boyfriend. He blushed, and Dean grinned once he was up on stage, his award handed to him at the podium.

"Wow. My sixth award for the night. Holy shit!" Everybody laughed, and Dean grinned. "This is crazy. I didn't really anticipate to win any, and, well, here I am! I guess I'll take this time to thank my muse and my one true love, Castiel, for sticking with me through all of this and supporting me endlessly, regardless of what came up…."

Dean took a deep breath. "Now, before you get mad at me, I got permission to do what I'm about to do…" He took another deep breath, steeling himself. Castiel looked on with mild confusion, along with a good portion of the crowd.

"Cas, baby, I love you more than anything. Probably even more than you love the stars, or sleeping, or eating those nasty berries that you say are so good for you. They're not good, baby. They're awful." Everybody laughed, and Dean smiled, pulling his microphone from the stand. He was grateful it was cordless. He stepped back from the podium. "But like I said, baby, I love you. I think I have since I met you, though there might be some debate there…."

Dean stepped back from the podium even more, making his way across the stage and down to Castiel as he continued to speak. "You're my whole life, Cas. Really. Sure, I have my music, and the apartment with those fucking fish, and all of my fans, but none of it would mean anything without you. You're the brightest light in my life- My shining star. The only one in my night sky that I care about."

He was in front of Castiel now, smiling down at him, one hand holding the microphone, the other stuffed in his jacket pocket. "I've had six amazing years with you, Cas. And I want six thousand more."

Dean had pulled out one of the ring boxes he had bought all those years ago at that street market in Lawrence. The whole crowd gasped, and Castiel stared up at him with large eyes as he popped the box open, exposing the ring as he dropped down to one knee. "Castiel Novak," he said, nearly dropping the microphone as he focused solely on Castiel, holding the ring box slightly out to him. "Will you marry me?"

The stillness in the auditorium was astounding, no one moving or breathing as they waited for Castiel's reply, who was currently staring at Dean, eyes comically wide, mouth gaping open. Dean was staring to grow nervous the longer it took Castiel to respond, but finally the other was beginning to smile, his shocked face gradually turning in to a full-blown smile, eyes bright and grin so wide it showed most of his gums. He nodded his head, trying to get his smile to go down, but it simply wouldn't, and a moment later he was sliding off of his seat down to his knees, slamming himself forward to hug Dean, nearly knocking him on to his back.

He kissed him hard and solid, their teeth nearly clashing together as he couldn't stop smiling, and the crowd around them started to cheer loudly and clap. Their arms remained wrapped around each other as they broke the kiss, pulling away just enough to see each other's faces.

"Yes?" Dean asked, just making sure, even though both of their faces were bright and smiles plastered on them so hard they looked fake, but they couldn't stop.

"Yes," Castiel said clearly, grinning more, if at all possible, pulling Dean in to another kiss, earning another excited cheer from the crowd. When they broke away the next time, it was for Castiel to pull the microphone from Dean's hand, bringing it to his lips. "I'm engaged!" he practically shouted, laughing as the whole crowd cheered with him, a number of them laughing along side him.

Dean had slipped his own ring box out, handing it to Castiel, who in turn, held out his hand. Dean slid the ring on his finger, and Castiel did the same to him in return, the two of them sharing a loving kiss before deciding it was time to stand up. Someone had brought Dean's award down to him, and took the microphone in return, letting the two of them bathe of their after-engagement glow, their hands linked together.

"I love you," Castiel said, turning to whisper in Dean's ear, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"I love you, too," Dean whispered back. "So much, baby."

Castiel squeezed Dean's hand, and they leaned in to each other, watching as the show progressed.

They were slow once they got back to their apartment, taking their time to undress each other, taking extra care to ensure that every part of each other's body was equally loved, kisses and gentle touches shared all over.

They didn't have sex once they were in bed, both being far too gentle with each other to even imagine it. They, instead, decided to lay together, legs twined together, arms wrapped around each other.

Castiel was rubbing his hand with the ring on it over Dean's chest, and Dean took hold of it with his own ringed hand, twining their fingers the best he could. "We're engaged," he cheered quietly, and Castiel grinned.

"We're engaged," he confirmed, leaning in to kiss Dean. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Cas."

Castiel smiled, looking down at their twined fingers. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For asking me to marry you."

Dean smiled. "Thank you for saying yes."

"I don't think I could have said anything else.

 

* * *

Their wedding was beautiful. a hassle, sure, but beautiful nonetheless, and it turned out perfectly for the both of them. Dean had been the first to push the chocolate cake in to Castiel's face at the reception, and Castiel smushed a piece right back at him, the both of them laughing, sharing a kiss as pictures were snapped.

They went straight to the airport after their reception, flying off to Tahiti. It was night when they arrived, and after consummating their marriage a number of times in their private beachfront rental home, they went out to the open-faced garden, finding the oversized cloth hammock hanging beside a small Koi pond that contained no Koi, only Goldfish.

They laid nearly side-by-side on the hammock, Castiel slightly on top of Dean, their fingers linked together barely off-center of his belly.

"I love you, Dean," he said after a few minutes of staring up at the stars. "More than anything in the entire world."

"I love you too, baby. Jesus, I'm so in love with you." He pressed a kiss to the top of his head. "Are you looking at the stars?"

"Of course."

"I love watching you watch the stars."

Castiel smiled, nuzzling himself back in to Dean a bit more. "I just love you."

Dean grinned. "We're married now. I'm your husband. You're stuck with me forever now."

"I know." Castiel laughed quietly. "I wouldn't trade you for anything."

"Not even those nasty berries?"

"Those are not that bad!"

"Yes they are, baby. But I still love you."

"You better. We're married now."

"Yeah we are."

Castiel rolled on his side, resting his cheek on Dean's chest. Dean rested his now-free hand on Castiel's shoulder, rubbing lightly, the two of them enjoying the gentle island night breeze on their nearly-nude bodies and the silent company of their love.

"You're the best thing in my life, Dean," Castiel said.

"Really?"

"Mhmm," he hummed, kissing Dean's chest, taking a deep inhale, letting his cologne surround him and his comforting arms completely relax him. "I thank God, or whoever's up there, for you everyday."

"I do too."

"You know what else I thank him for?"

"What's?"

"I thank him for the day we met, that you had the balls to talk to me, and to keep up our relationship, even though I was a pain in the ass for the first year or so…" Dean laughed and Castiel smiled lightly, continuing. "I thank him for putting us in the same theater, at the same time. But most of all, Dean, I just…" He shook his head, laughing quietly and briefly to himself. "Just… Thank god for sharpies."

"Thank God for sharpies," Dean repeated back to him in agreement, smiling lightly. "Thank god for sharpies, and thank God for you."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHA CHEESY ENDING IS CHEESY *SCREAM SOBS*
> 
> Oh god I'm like, letting go of my baby...
> 
> So, first off, in response to the anon who told be about the person taking my story, thank you! They were very cooperative with me, and didn't argue. It meant a lot that you took the time to let me know. In response to thefayzqueen, they were actually in Lawrence during the snow storm, and if by L.A., you meant Lawrence, then woah damn! I though for sure it'd snow there.
> 
> And now, thank ALL of you SO MUCH. thank you for consistently reviewing, and keeping me going with this. It was my first full-length fic and sequel, and it was all because of you guys being so supportive SO THANK YOU SO MUCH. It really means the world that I had people who really enjoyed this and were just... amazing.
> 
> In terms of other work, if anyone's interested, I've got Shooting and Falling, my current WIP. Check it out if you want. I'm also in the process of writing a one-shot about truth or dare (more like dare or dare) taken too far, and as far as this verse goes, I might have one or two one-shots, and one will definitely be of Castiel saying 'I love you' for the first time!
> 
> So, there's that....
> 
> Uhh... Jesus. If you have any questions, feel free to comment or PM me. *not gonna cry*
> 
> So, let me know what you think (thought?) And really, thank you for reading. I love you all.
> 
> :)

**Author's Note:**

> Woo! New story! 
> 
> So, as above, this is a sequel to Thank God For Sharpies. I guess it's not necessary to read it, but, uh, I'd suggest it. 
> 
> This one will be considerably shorter than the last. I mean, probably 20-30k or under. The last was around 80k, I think. Less than? I don't remember, and I'm too lazy to look. Fair warning, there will be sex(ish) scenes. I suck at them, but they will be there. If you don't like it... uhh, well, tell me, and I'll let you know when there's sex scenes coming up (let's be honest if you're reading this I assume you won't be scarred by that sort of thing) 
> 
> Also updating will be... erratic. I'll try to get another chapter out, but some of my family is coming up, and one is my age, and I just don't feel comfortable writing gay fanfiction in front of her hyper-catholic ass, you feel? Also, it's summer, and I work, and travel, and I have a lot of stuff to do. I may get like, 2 chapters out one night, and then no more for another week or two, or whatever. I'll post on my tumblr about it, so, you can stalk me at squidstiel.tumblr.com should you choose to. 
> 
> Also, shout of to beautifully-rational, who's the bomb for letting me ramble about this and just being awesome. Four for you, beautifully-rational! 
> 
> So, thanks for reading! I hope you'll enjoy what I've got planned! Let me know what you think! 
> 
> :)


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